Uncle Grandpa and Sonic Against the Dedede
Status: Completed
Rating: E
Posted: 04/14/2020
Finished: 04/14/2020
Word count: 2,200
Characters: Uncle Grandpa, Pizza Steve, Sonic the Hedgehog, Mr. Gus, Giant Realistic Flying Tiger, King Dedede, Dio Brando, Kirby
“That’s strange,” Uncle Grandpa thought to himself as he absently glanced out the window while he was driving. “I could have sworn I saw a taco fall out of the sky…”
At least he didn’t have to think about the sky-taco for very long, as his attention suddenly snapped to the road when he caught sight of a blue blur. He instinctively slammed on the brakes, making the UG RV come to a screeching halt. Pizza Steve screamed as he was sent flying forward and splattered against the windshield. But Uncle Grandpa could check on his slice of pizza friend later - he had a blue blur to deal with.
Rolling down the window, Uncle Grandpa stuck his head out and waved his fist at the blue blur that was zooming all over the place. “Hey! What’s the big idea!”
The blue blur came to a sudden stop, and Uncle Grandpa was greeted with the sight of what he thought a furry must be.
“Sonic’s the name, speed’s my game!” And once again, there was a blue blur flying all over the place.
“Cut that out!” Uncle Grandpa demanded.
Sonic stopped again, rolling his eyes. “Sure thing, old man.”
“Don’t you give your Uncle Grandpa an attitude!”
“Well, in case you didn’t notice…” Sonic trailed off as he gestured to the road. Uncle Grandpa gave him a dubious look, only to raise his eyebrows in surprise as he noticed all the unconscious Waddle Dees littering the road, along with a bunch of food that they’d dropped. Well, that could explain the sky-taco he’d seen.
“I was stopping them,” Sonic explained.
“Wh-”
“King Dedede told them to take all the food. Again. So I’m stopping them.”
“Well how many times have they done it?”
“A lot.” Sonic turned around and looked like he was about to take off again, but then glanced over his shoulder at Uncle Grandpa. “You coming or what?”
“Saving the world? That’s what I do best.” Wiping off the Pizza Steve residue, he put his RV in gear and floored it after Sonic.
“Uncle Grandpa will you slow down?!”
“No Mr. Gus! I have to help Sonic save the world!”
“You can just buy food at the grocery store!”
“Well, ackshully…” Sonic appeared at the driver’s side window, keeping pace with the RV. “Dededope already bought out all the grocery stores, and he’s stopped all food shipments to them.”
“See Mr. Gus? We have to stop him!”
“Uncle Grandpa-”
“Weeeeeee!” Uncle Grandpa floored it, making Mr. Gus shout as he was lurched backwards and went flying to the back of the RV. He might have even gone out the window. But Uncle Grandpa didn't care.
Sonic just nodded at Uncle Grandpa before picking up the pace again and running ahead.
Uncle Grandpa leaned back in the driver’s seat, putting on the cruise control as he popped his mixtape into the CD player. He leaned back and closed his eyes, snapping along to the rhythm of Good Morning All Night Long.
“Uh...Uncle Grandpa?” He heard Pizza Steve ask.
“Not now, Pizza Steve!”
“Uncle G-”
“I said not now!”
“...Uncle Grandpa we’re gonna cra-AAAAAAASH!”
Uncle Grandpa opened his eyes too late and saw the fast-approaching brick wall in front of them. “AAAAHHHHH!”
“AAAAAAHHHH!” Pizza Steve screamed too.
Giant Realistic Flying Tiger roared in distress from somewhere in the RV.
CRASH.
The windshield and grill were both shattered from the impact. The airbag slapped Uncle Grandpa in the face. Another window shattered in the back of the RV somehow. It sounded like a tire had popped, too. But worst of all - the radio was broken.
“Uncle G, why weren’t you paying attention to the road, man?” Pizza Steve scoffed as he shoved himself out from a pile of airbags.
“I put it on cruise control.” Uncle Grandpa frowned.
“That doesn’t drive the car for you!” Pizza Steve snapped.
A blue blur ran up to the driver’s side window, and Uncle Grandpa turned to see Sonic looking up at him with a slightly confused look. “You good there, Uncle G?”
“Don’t worry, I’m Uncle Grandpa!”
“Uh...right.” Sonic scratched the back of his head (quills, whatever) as he turned to look at the wall Uncle Grandpa had just smashed his RV into. “Well, you opened up a pretty good hole in Dedede’s castle.”
“Oh, right! That was my plan.” Uncle Grandpa just smiled dumbly, ignoring Pizza Steve’s grumbling in the background.
“Well, come on and step it up, then! We don’t have time to waste!” With that, the blue blur took off into the giant hole Uncle Grandpa had created.
Uncle Grandpa shoved his hand into Belly Bag, ignoring the gurgling, choking sounds he made as Uncle Grandpa fished around. Finally, he found what he was looking for, and pulled it out - his trusty laser hammer.
“Hey! King Fatty-de!” Sonic shouted down the hallway. “I got a sandwich for you!” He held up his fist and clenched it.
“Sandwich?” A heavy southern accent sounded from around the corner, and King Dedede poked his head around it. “Well, bring it o’er here, then!”
Sonic glared at him, then took off to the castle kitchen. Once he found it, he grabbed two slices of bread from an unsuspecting Waddle Dee that had been in the middle of making a sandwich. Running back to where he’d seen King Dedede, he saw the penguin king standing there with a confused look. Of course he’d be, since Sonic had just taken off and then reappeared in what was probably only a few seconds. Maybe even milliseconds.
But no matter. Because Sonic had already secured his fist between the two pieces of bread and was running at King Dedede.
“WHAT TA-” The King was cut off as Sonic punched him in the face.
Falling back onto the floor, he could only stare up at the blue furry. “WHAT ARE YA?!”
“Sonic’s the name, speed’s my game!” The hedgehog answered in a dorky voice before raising his fist and standing over King Dedede menacingly. “Now give Dreamland their food back.”
King Dedede just blinked up at him, then laughed. As was Dedede’s character, it wasn’t just a simple laugh, but one of those loud, bellowing, stomach-holding ones.
Sonic stood up and began to curl himself into a ball, but then, suddenly, he felt...slow. Almost like time itself was slowing down. He told himself it was just the adrenaline and resumed doing his spin dash.
Or at least until he suddenly ran straight into a road roller.
Sonic fell back, shaking his head as he stared at the machine. Where the heck had that come from?!
He heard an evil, menacing laugh from behind him. Still sitting on the floor, he turned around to find a guy who was either really buff or wearing clothes that were way too big for him. There were weird purple things floating around him, too.
“ROADA ROLLA DA!”
“I heard ya’ were in town…” King Dedede began, and Sonic turned back around to see the penguin lord standing on top of the road roller. “And I heard ya’ were gonna try and stop little ol’ me! So, I called in mah friend Dio to stop ya’.”
“Oh yeah?” Sonic huffed as he stood up. “Well, I’m still the fastest thing alive.” He prepared to run at Dedede, but again, that strange feeling of time slowing down came back. He tried to focus on running, but it seemed as if the entire world had just stopped. Almost like he was playing a video game and his computer had frozen.
When the feeling was gone, he realized he was in a cage, and in a completely different room.
“Wh-What..?!” Sonic stammered, pulling at the bars. “What happened?!”
“I’unno.” Dedede shrugged. “But that kid apparently stops time. Can’t run anywhere once he does that, now can ya’?”
“That’s not fair!” Sonic whined, then flopped down with a sigh in the cage. He just had to hope Uncle Grandpa was competent enough to finish this mission…
“You’re not much of a talker, are you?” Uncle Grandpa asked the Waddle Dee.
The Waddle Dee shook his head, seeming distressed. Once again, he gestured at the empty counter, and then what looked like sandwich contents.
“Well, all you’re missing is the bread.”
The Waddle Dee’s eyes widened, and he nodded feverishly, hopping up and down a few times before wildly pointing off into the hallway.
“Oh, your bread ran into the hallway?” Uncle Grandpa guessed.
The Waddle Dee flailed its stubby limbs, looking annoyed over how bad Uncle Grandpa was at this game of charades.
“Don’t worry, kiddo! Your Uncle Grandpa will get it for you!” Uncle Grandpa smiled before turning and leaving the kitchen, leaving the Waddle Dee to make angry gestures after him.
Uncle Grandpa walked down the hallway, looking left and right as he walked. “Hey, bread!” He called. “Come here, bread! Bread! Breeeaaaad!”
He kept walking until he went past a weird-looking room. Turning around, he doubled back and peeked into the room. It looked dark and metallic. Like a fridge! Surely the bread would have gone there.
“Bready or not, here I come!” Uncle Grandpa jumped into the room, landing on his butt with his usual dumb smile.
He noticed two dark, big figures standing in front of him. At the same time, they turned around to glare down at him. One was none other than the penguin king himself, while the other was...some anime guy.
“Hey, I’m looking for some bread. This poor little guy in the kitchen needs it to finish his sandwich. He said his bread ran away, y’know, like…” he trailed off as he made a walking motion with his fingers.
The anime guy’s eye twitched. King Dedede put his hands on his hips. “Ya’ betta get outta here befo’e I clobbah ya’!”
Uncle Grandpa stood up quickly, nervously backing up as he held his hands up. “Whoa, hey, I’m sorry Mr. Dedede. I didn’t mean to bother you-” He broke off as he noticed a cage behind the two. As he looked, he could see a familiar shadow. “Sonic?!”
“Run, Uncle Grandpa!” Sonic shouted.
“AAAHH!” Uncle Grandpa narrowly avoided being hit by Dedede’s giant hammer. “That’s no way to treat your Un - AAH!” He dodged another hammer swing before deciding he should probably take Sonic’s advice and run while he still could. So, whipping around, he screamed and ran out of the room Naruto-style, still holding his laser hammer.
“So whadda we do with him?” Sonic heard King Dedede ask.
“Do you have an oven?” Dio asked.
Sonic gulped.
Suddenly, there was a roar in the distance. King Dedede looked up and glared at the wall. “WHAT WAS THAT?” He snapped.
ROAR!
CRASH!
Sonic flinched as the wall came crashing down, and he saw Uncle Grandpa sitting on a giant, realistic, flying tiger that crapped rainbows. Uncle Grandpa stood up on the tiger, holding his laser hammer. “Good morning!”
King Dedede looked like he was about to whack Uncle Grandpa or his tiger, but Dio stepped in front of him and pushed him back. He gave two nicely-toasted pieces of bread to Uncle Grandpa. “Toast.”
“Toast!” Uncle Grandpa exclaimed. “Oh boy, why didn’t I think of that? Toast’ll taste amazing for that sandwich! Thanks!” He turned the tiger around, and then flew off.
“Uncle Grandpa!” Sonic shouted after him, in disbelief at the situation.
Dio just smiled smugly at him, while Dedede gave a bellowing laugh. “Well there goes ya’ rescue crusade!”
But then, a shadow loomed over the two of them. King Dedede slowly stopped laughing as he realized something was behind him. Nervously laughing, he turned around to find Uncle Grandpa on top of GRFT, glaring down at him darkly as he pointed his laser hammer at him.
“I’m sorry, guys, but you didn’t say ‘good morning’ back.”
[I might actually write out a fight scene later but for now I just wanna be done with this awful thing]
“Well, I guess I was wrong, Kirby,” Sonic chuckled as he leaned down to give money to the pink puffball. “Being the Hero of Dreamland isn’t easy.”
Kirby just smiled innocently.
“I underestimated you. I thought defeating King Dedede was gonna be easy. How’d you do with Eggman? Oh let me guess - you just ate him?”
Kirby closed his eyes, still smiling as he nodded happily.
Sonic chuckled, patting Kirby’s head as he stood up straight. “Well, I hope you’ll be able to buy a good cake with that money.”
“Poyo!” Kirby was still smiling, of course.
Sonic laughed again before turning to glare at Uncle Grandpa. “What are you still doing here?”
“What do you mean?” Uncle Grandpa asked, his eyes narrowing a bit as he tilted his head.
“You don’t belong in either of our universes. So...why are you here?”
“Because I’m everyone in the world’s uncle and grandpa!” Uncle Grandpa smiled before taking out an umbrella and flying away into the sky like Mary Poppins. “Good morning!” He called down as he floated out of sight.
Sonic just sighed and shook his head. “Wanna go to Kowaski’s?”
Kirby just smiled, closed his eyes, and nodded. “Poyo poyo!”