I'm Very Handsome When I'm on a...Plane?
Status: Incomplete
Rating: E
Posted: 10/16/2020
Finished: N/A (Updated 12/17/22)
Word count: 1,270
Characters: Uncle Grandpa, Pizza Steve, Mr. Gus, Giant Realistic Flying Tiger, Belly Bag
“Good morning everyone,” the voice on the airplane intercom spoke.
“Good morning!” Uncle Grandpa shouted back, smiling and waving at the speakers. The pilot, of course, didn’t hear him, and continued to speak.
“This is your pilot speaking. We’ve got some clear skies, fluffy clouds…”
“Uuugh,” Pizza Steve groaned as the pilot rambled around boring things.
“Now,” the pilot spoke up, clearing his throat after he finished rambling about the weather and his political opinions (was he even allowed to do that?). “I have good news...and bad news.”
Uncle Grandpa gasped, jumping up from his seat. “Oh no! Bad news?” He pulled at his face, then turned and grabbed Mr. Gus by the face. “Did you hear that, Mr. Gus? Bad news!”
“Uncle Grandpa sit down,” Mr. Gus grunted as he pushed Uncle Grandpa back down into his seat.
“The good news is that we are flying.”
“...Well no duh,” Pizza Steve deadpanned.
“The bad news is that there’s no more news. Yay! Now I can drink my coffee.”
“Man, what a weird pilot,” Pizza Steve remarked as he flopped back in his seat.
Giant Realistic Flying Tiger roared in agreement from the cargo storage. Yes, her roar was that loud.
Uncle Grandpa sat in silence, shifting around and staring at random things. The wall, the ceiling, at Mr. Gus, at Pizza Steve, at himself (don’t ask how), the floor, the people across the row, the people behind him, the people behind the people behind him, the people behind the people behind the people behind him-
“Uncle Grandpa will you stop staring at everyone?” Mr. Gus sounded annoyed as he glared down at Uncle Grandpa, grabbing his head and making him stare straight ahead again. “You’re creeping everyone out!”
“Sorry Mr. Gus.”
The three sat in an awkward silence for a while. Well, it was awkward for Uncle Grandpa, at least. Mr Gus seemed fine with staring out the window, and Pizza Steve was reading some magazine about calzones. They really made entire magazines dedicated to calzones? Weird.
“Hey Uncle Grandpa,” Mr. Gus spoke up, turning to look down at Uncle Grandpa. “Could I get a glass of water?”
“Of course! Uhh…” Uncle Grandpa shoved his hand into Belly Bag, fishing around, but there was no water. “I’ll have to get some,” he said as he started to stand up.
“I’ll be right back Mr. Gus and Pizza Steve!” Uncle Grandpa said as he got up, making Pizza Steve yell in pain and surprise as Uncle Grandpa scooted over him. “Sorry Pizza Steve!” Uncle Grandpa apologized over his shoulder as Pizza Steve huffed and fixed his sunglasses.
Uncle Grandpa soon arrived at his destination: the bathroom.
Very small.
Uncle Grandpa frowned.
Were people actually expected to use it?
Well no matter.
Mr. Gus was thirsty.
“Uhh...Uncle Grandpa?” Belly Bag spoke up as Uncle Grandpa lifted the toilet seat. “Not now, Belly Bag!” Uncle Grandpa scolded before shoving his hand into Belly Bag’s mouth to get a cup. He retrieved it successfully, then dipped it into that nice, tasty toilet bowl water.
After filling the cup, he turned around and was about to leave the bathroom, but paused when he heard a soft “blurp” noise come from the toilet. Uncle Grandpa narrowed his eyes suspiciously as he slowly turned around to glare at the toilet. “You better not be in the toilet, Mr. Loch Ness Monster.”
“But Nessie’s a gir-” The rest of Belly Bag’s statement turned to gibberish as Uncle Grandpa slapped a hand over his mouth. “Be quiet Belly Bag! I have to make sure the Loch Ness Monster isn’t hiding in the toilet.”
Quietly and cautiously, Uncle Grandpa approached the toilet. He peered into it, seeing nothing but porcelain and clean toilet water. “Hmmm…” Uncle Grandpa stuck his head into the bowl for a closer look.
"Better flush to make sure," Uncle Grandpa reckoned aloud, his head still in the toilet as he flushed it.
Whoosh…
Vsssshhhh…
Glurglurglur
Blblblblbl!
Ssssssssssssss…
Uncle Grandpa kept his head in the toilet as it was flushing and bringing in new water. "Huh. This is a nice looking toilet—BOWL!" The last word came out as a yell as he was sucked head-first down the toilet. "AHHHHH!" He shouted as he was sucked down the toilet pipe and suddenly found himself being shot out of the plane.
"AHHHHH!!!" Belly Bag screamed in unison with Uncle Grandpa's screaming as they fell.
Uncle Grandpa looked up when he heard a roar. Before he knew it, he had landed on the back of a tiger.
"Thanks, girl!" He smiled.
Giant Realistic Flying Tiger had saved them!
Uncle Grandpa continued to smile as she flew back over towards the airplane. She floated alongside it, slowly going past all the windows. Uncle Grandpa stared inside, accidentally scaring a few children, who's parents he quickly apologized to. Finally, they reached the window where Mr. Gus and Pizza Steve had been left sitting. Pizza Steve was still reading his calzone magazine, and Mr. Gus had found some boring documentary book to read.
Uncle Grandpa reached out to knock on the window. "Hey Mr. Gus. Can you let us in?"
When he knocked, Pizza Steve was the first one to look up. "YAAAH!" He screamed when he saw Uncle Grandpa floating outside the window. His sunglasses went flying off and seemed to land in the aisle.
Mr. Gus looked up in shock. "Uncle Grandpa, what are you doing out there?!"
"The Loch Ness monster sucked me and Belly Bag out of the airplane through the toilet," Uncle Grandpa explained. "But don't worry, Giant Realistic Flying Tiger saved us!"
Uncle Grandpa's friends were far too used to crazy, magical and wacky things happening on a daily basis. As such, the idea of the Loch Ness Monster sucking people out through an airplane toilet wasn't far-fetched at all. This is likely why neither of the two inside questioned him further.
"It's freezing out here, guys!" Belly Bag whined. "Just open up the window and let us in already!"
"Open an airplane window while we're flying? Are you out of your mind?" Mr. Gus asked in disbelief. "We'll all be sucked out of the plane!"
"Or just you, at least, since you're the one next to the window," Pizza Steve commented as he adjusted his sunglasses.
"That's still a bad thing," Mr. Gus pointed out, turning to shoot the slice of pizza an annoyed look.
"Is it?" Pizza Steve asked innocently.
"Stop arguing, guys!" Uncle Grandpa lightly scolded. Mr. Gus and Pizza Steve bickering was hardly anything new. The world's uncle and grandpa shook his head as he tried to come up with another way he could get inside the airplane. Mr. Gus had a point; they couldn't simply open a window on a moving airplane.
But what about a stopped airplane? Uncle Grandpa gasped excitedly as a lightbulb appeared over his head. "I got it! We'll stop the airplane, and then you can open the window!"
"Wait, what?" Pizza Steve looked up sharply from his calzone magazine.
"You can't stop a plane, Uncle Grandpa!" Mr. Gus exclaimed. "We'll all crash!"
"Not if I stop it safely," Uncle Grandpa replied determinedly. "Don't worry, guys. I'll be back on the plane before you know it." He lifted a fist into the air. "To the front of the plane, Giant Realistic Flying Tiger!"
"Uncle G, wait!" Pizza Steve called after him desperately. But it was too late, for Giant Realistic Flying Tiger had already roared and started to fly off.
//uncle g plays good morning all night long on intercom after accidentally killing pilot or something idk//