Pizzazz

Dededesire (King Dedede x Reader)

By Doroken

Status: Incomplete     Rating: E     Posted: 05/07/2021     Finished: N/A (Updated 12/6/22)     Word count: 74,999
Characters: You, King Dedede, Escargoon, Galacta Knight, Meta Knight, Kirby, Axe Knight, Magolor, Bandana Waddle Dee, Marx, Taranza, Daroach, Captain Vul, Sword Knight, Blade Knight, Mr. Frosty, Chef Kawasaki, Bugsy, Bonkers, Dyna Blade, Kracko, Kracko Jr., Mace Knight, Shrek, Javelin Knight, Trident Knight, Nyan Cat, Ke$ha, John Cena, DaBaby, Uncle Grandpa, Belly Bag, Jerry Seinfeld, Halberd, Sailor Waddle Dee, The Squeaks, Heavy Lobster, Ogre!, Eddie Murphy, Mrs. Ogre, Thanos Car, Thanos, Ben Shapiro, Tyler Blevins (Ninja)

Important note! This version is sometimes out of date. For the latest version, please visit it here on Wattpad (unfortunately). AO3 version coming soon maybe.

This story is written to be gender-neutral, so everyone can enjoy King Dedede.

If you came here expecting a serious Dedede x Reader fanfiction, you're in the wrong place, sorry.

This is a clean story with very mild language and no explicit stuff, as are all my Kirby stories.

✪ DE ✪ DE ✪ DE ✪

✪ K I N G O F Y O U R D R E A M S ✪

⁌1⁍ ✿ His Dededebut ✿

You slowly awake to the sound of birds chirping outside. You yawn and stretch as you sit up and rub your eyes. You glance around your bedroom for a moment before giving an "mmm..." and settling back down into bed.

Well, you were able to relax for all of 10 seconds, at least, because those stupid birds just started screaming for some reason.

You sit up and glare out the window as "CAW CAW CAW!" and "AAA AAA EEEEEEEE AE AE AE EEEEE AAAAA!" noises fill your bedroom.

Stupid birds.

You should get a broom and hit them.

Kicking your blankets off, you swing your legs out of bed and slip your favorite color slippers on. You grab a hoodie hanging on the back of your door and pull it over yourself before leaving the bedroom.

You stop to open a closet in the hall and pull out a broom.

You'll teach those birds to interrupt your quiet morning.

You stomp outside, broom in hand.

You can't really see the birds, so you just go up to random trees and start swinging it around until you get lucky and scare some birds out of them.

"GET OUTTA HERE!" You snap at the fleeing birds.

"CAW CAW FILTHY MUDMEN!" A crow screams as it takes off.

Did that crow just talk? That was...odd.

Then again this is Dreamland so who the hell knows. A talking crow should have been the least weirdest thing.

Well, you didn't think about the crow long anyway, as you went right back to smacking birds out of trees.

You laugh as they continue to squawk and flee.

Finally, they are paying for interrupting your peaceful morning.

You swing the broom at a fleeing bird like a baseball bat, and the bird is sent flying and smacks against the side of your house. Have you ever seen an idiot bird fly into a window like the stupid warm-blooded vertebrate it is? That's basically what happened except you just threw a bird into the side of a house.

As you look up into the last remaining tree, you see a bird nest. There's a mother bird tending to her eggs. You smile as you creep towards it.

Sweet. Free spawnkill.

You grab your broom with both hands and raise it back over your head, getting ready to put your full power into smashing the broom down on those eggs.

Suddenly, something grabs the broom from behind you and pulls you back. You try to yank your broom forward, but whatever is holding onto it is much stronger than you.

"AYE!" A gruff southern accent yells. "YOU LEAVE THEM THERE BIRDS ALONE, YA' HEAR ME? THEM'S MY COUSINS!"

You whip around to stare at the person holding onto your broom. He's actually a penguin - a blue one at that, and not a person. He's taller than you, so you slowly look up. You gasp silently when you realize King Dedede himself is standing right in front of you. You try to think of something you can say, but nothing comes out.

King Dedede. The king of Dreamland.

And the king of your dreams.

King Dedede yanks the broom from your hands, but you would have given it to him anyway.

"I don't wanna evah see ya' clobberin' them there birds again, ya' hear me?" King Dedede grunts, glaring down at you.

"Y-yes, Your Majesty," you somehow manage to stutter out while barely making eye contact with him.

King Dedede huffs, standing up straighter so that he towers over you even more. "Good. If I see ya' doin' it again, next time I'll clobbah ya'!" He raises the broom and lightly smacks it over your head. A warning hit.

"O-okay," you say.

King Dedede looks you up and down, slightly glaring before he turns around and walks off, your broom still in his hand.

You have a feeling you'll never see that broom again.

But knowing that King Dedede has it makes you feel warm inside.

As you watch King Dedede walk off into the distance, the bright morning sun making the soft grass shine around him, his threat replays in your head.

If I see ya' doin' it again, next time I'll clobbah ya'!

You feel yourself blush.

You wouldn't mind King Dedede clobbering you.

⁌2⁍ ✿ Dededandy Tunes ✿

The next day, you decide to go on a little drive through Cappy Town. You hop in your favorite color convertible, turn on the radio and begin your drive.

You flip through the radio stations, but there's not really much on besides classical music and hardcore techno disco electro swing nightcore. Sighing, you turn off the radio. As you stop at a stop sign, you reach over into the glove department and look through your CDs. You pull out one that's labeled in crayola marker; part of the label rubs off as you grab it, since crayola markers are a joke.

You try to read the label. "by Sup ar ltr Comp oundtr" is all you can make out.

Shrugging, you open up the CD player on your car radio and slide it in as smoothly as Magolor probably slides into girls' DMs.

You're greeted with the opening theme from Kirby Super Star Ultra on the Nintendo DS.

Ah, this must be your 2 hours, 4 minutes and 1 second CD of the Kirby Super Star Ultra Complete Soundtrack.

Of course.

Well, it's good enough for you.

As the grand opening theme continues to play, you floor it and go whizzing past the stop sign.

By the time Bubbly Clouds starts playing, you're driving by Dedede's castle. You slow down and stare at it, wondering what it would be like to live there.

An impatient Waddle Dee beeping behind you causes you to snap out of your daydreams. You whip around to glare at the Dee, who just glares at you and flails its stubby limbs around. Not like it could probably talk anyway, given the lack of a mouth.

You pull over and wave the Dee past. He glares at you as he slowly drives by. You gulp as he gives you the Waddle Dee equivalent of Luigi's death stare.

Bubbly Clouds starts to fade out, and you feel yourself blush as King Dedede's theme begins to play.

You've always loved the Super Star Ultra version of his theme.

But of course every version is perfect, just like Dedede.

You close your eyes and lean back in your car, listening to the music as you idle your car on the side of the road rather inconsiderately.

You begin to sign along to his theme song with lyrics you wrote a while ago.

"Ohhhhhh...
Dede! Dede! Dede!
Dede,
King Dedede,
Is all we need.
Oh kind Dedede-dede-de,
Help me,
Because I do,
Not view myself as worthy! (Worthy!)
Of you! (Of you!)
Dede!
Dede,
Oh my Dede,
I am sorry,
That I am not as awesome as,
You need,
In a servant,
Forgive me oh my Dede! (My king!)
Dede! (My king!)
Dede!
Swinging his cool mallet 'round his wond'rus lair,
Ordering his monsters from his throne armchair.
No one simply no one can ever compare,
To my lovely Dedede with his pride and flair.
Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, ahhh-ah...
Can't you hear his name ring,
Throughout the halls of eternity?
Dede!
Dede!
Dede!"

You continued to sing this to yourself on repeat like a broken record or something. Or maybe it's your head that's broken since you're this obsessed with a penguin that stole your broom.

King Dedede's theme song ends, and you stare at the radio sadly. Well, you could always rewind the CD...

After rewinding the CD at least 7 times and singing along to his theme song repeatedly, you briefly wonder if what you're doing is a little unhealthy.

Nah, it's fine.

As you're rewinding the CD for an 8th time, you accidentally rewind it all the way to the beginning.

Oops.

While you don't exactly mind listening to the Kirby Super Star Ultra soundtrack again, you want to get right back to King Dedede's theme!!

You fumble with the buttons on your CD player as you try to fastforward. Oops, you went too far and now you're in the Dyna Blade section. You try to go back, but hit the wrong button and go forward again.

No! You don't want Candy Mountain, you want Dedede!

You angrily smack random buttons on the CD player and wind up with Galacta Knight's theme.

"Did someone call for The Greatest Warrior In The Galaxy?"

You look up and see Galacta Knight standing on the hood of your car.

"SCREW OFF GALACTA KNIGHT!" You snap as you turn the windshield wipers on, which gives Galacta Knight a spook and makes him fall off your car.

You consider trying to run him over, but he gets up, huffs and flies away before you can decide on it.

You shake your head as you watch him fly off. What a loser. He wasn't even the greatest warrior in the galaxy.

You go back to fumbling with the CD player, but a yell makes you look up.

You look around, confused, until you see what you think was the source - another convertible car teetering at the edge of a hill.

There's a dark blue sphere standing next to the car, it looks like. You lean forward a bit and squint. You're pretty sure it's Meta Knight.

You look to the convertible car, and gasp when you see that its occupants are King Dedede and his snail companion and advisor, Escargoon.

You have to help them!

Appropriately, the Kirby Super Star Ultra - Complete Soundtrack is now playing Gourmet Race. You try your best not to sing "one, two, oh-ho-tmeal, Kir-by is a pi-ink guy" as you put the car in drive and floor it over to the bottom of the hill that King Dedede's car is teetering at.

You look up at the car, assessing the situation.

Escargoon is looking down the hill, the fear evident in his expression. King Dedede is looking between the bottom of the hill and Meta Knight.

Meta Knight's just...standing there. It's impossible to read his expression. Especially since it's just two glowing yellow eyes.

"DO SOMETHING!" King Dedede finally yells, staring wide-eyed at Meta Knight.

Meta Knight glances at him briefly before looking down at the bottom of the hill. It seems like he's measuring the distance.

What was he doing? Who cared about the fall distance?! King Dedede was going to fall!

Meta Knight turns back to King Dedede, and he closes his eyes briefly. Almost as if he was smiling underneath his mask.

You gasp in horror as Meta Knight kicks King Dedede's car, causing it to lurch over the edge and begin tumbling down the hill.

"META KNIGHT!" You scream in anger, but he's already disappeared from the top of the hill.

Instead, you're met with the screams of King Dedede and Escargoon as they tumble down the hill in their car.

You watch in horrified silence as they continue to tumble all the way down to where you're parked in your car.

Their car keeps rolling, and it finally lands upside down next to your car.

"Oooof..." Dedede wheezes, rubbing his head as he and Escargoon crawl out from underneath the car. He looks around a bit, clearly disoriented and continuing to rub his head.

"Hey!" He pipes up, turning to stare at you.

You hold your breath, anxiety and anticipation rising in your chest.

King Dedede looks from you to the radio. "Is that the Kirby Super Star Ultra - Complete Soundtrack?"

"Y-yes, it is," you reply.

"I love that soundtrack!" Dedede announces. He turns to look at Escargoon, who's behind him looking dizzy. "Don't ya'?"

"Sure, Sire," Escargoon replies absently.

"Ey rewind that to the beginning, wouldja?" King Dedede hops right into your car, sitting in the passenger seat.

You love his assertiveness.

You comply and rewind the CD to the beginning.

King Dedede makes himself comfortable in your car like he owns it.

"Why did Kirby have ta' be the stah of the game?" King Dedede complains. "It shoulda been me!"

"King Dedede Super Star Ultra would have been amazing," you agree.

At some point Escargoon got in the back seat and was just sitting there awkwardly.

"I say," King Dedede banged his fist into his hand. "We gotta go clobber that there Meta Knight!"

"I can't believe he did that," you say.

"I know!" King Dedede huffed, crossing his arms. "Ya' know what - skip ahead, put on my masked theme."

You take special care to pay attention to the buttons this time, and fast forward to the Masked Dedede Theme at 1 hour, 37 minutes and 19 seconds in.

King Dedede pulls out his hammer. "Now floor it. We gotta knight to clobber!"

"Yes Your Majesty!" You floor it and your car goes speeding off. You do a semi-illegal u-turn (luckily Dedede doesn't seem to care) and start to drive up the road that leads to Castle Dedede.

As you drive up the road, you notice that the three of you have started bobbing your heads along to Masked Dedede's theme. But it's not that much of a surprise. It is, after all, a very good soundtrack.

You smile, feeling happy, even if the three of you look like a bunch of idiots and are almost exactly replicating that old flipnote from like 2011.

⁌3⁍ ✿ Mass Dededestruction ✿

"There he is!" You exclaim.

In front of you is Meta Knight standing beside Castle Dedede. He's looking in the opposite direction, not seeming to notice you, King Dedede and Escargoon in your car.

"FLOOR IT!" Dedede shouts. "LET'S RUN 'IM OVAH!"

You're not sure if running over the actual Greatest Warrior In The Galaxy is a great idea, but you know you can't dededeny your king's orders.

You take a moment to align your car so that it's a straight path to Meta Knight. Then, with the Masked Dedede theme blaring from the car radio, you stomp on the gas pedal.

Meta Knight doesn't turn to look at the car once. You hear a thump and feel your car shake.

You stomp on the brakes to stop your car from suffering the same fate as King Dedede's, since Castle Dedede is very smartly placed on top of a giant hill.

"Did we get 'im?" King Dedede asks, glancing left, right, then forward.

"Boo," says a deep voice behind the three of you.

"AAAAIIIIIEEEE!" Dedede shrieks, jumping up into the air and landing in Escargoon's arms.

You turn around to see Meta Knight standing on the back of your car. He gives Dedede a weird look before glaring over at you. "Did you seriously just try to run me over?"

"I was only following orders," you huff, trying to defend yourself.

"So were the nazis," Meta Knight points out. "That is not an excuse."

"What are nazis," you ask flatly.

"YOU'RE an excuse!" Dedede shouts, glaring up at Meta Knight from where he's still being cradled by Escargoon, who looks like he's far too used to this. "Ya' kicked our car down the hill! Some knight you are!"

"Oops." Meta Knight just shrugs. He doesn't sound very apologetic though.

Glaring at Meta Knight, you shift your car into reverse and then give the gas a quick stomp, making the car lurch backwards. Dedede and Escargoon stumble a bit from it. Meta Knight starts to fall off the car, but he quickly recomposes himself by doing a backflip and landing evenly on the ground.

Why did Meta Knight have to be good at everything? You growl in frustration as he just backs up and stares evenly at you.

"RUN 'IM OVAH AGAIN!" King Dedede shouts, regaining his spot in the passenger seat.

You comply and floor it again, except this time in reverse.

It shouldn't have really come as a surprise when Meta Knight just did a frontflip over your car when you tried to back over him.

"WHAT?!" King Dedede gawks. "HOW'D HE DO THAT?"

"Well, to be fair, Sire, you did shout your intentions to run him over beforehand," Escargoon nervously pointed out.

You give Escargoon a slight glare. How dare he suggest that King Dedede made a mistake? King Dedede was perfect. He would never make a mistake. Escargoon should consider himself lucky to be graced with King Dedede's presence every day.

You quickly turn back around when you feel your car shake. You see Meta Knight standing in front of the car. The car shakes again, and you hear a creak. You turn around and realize with horror that your car is balancing at the edge of the hill.

You turn back around and realize that Meta Knight's stepped closer to your car.

"Don't you dare, borb!" You shout at him.

"Borb" seems to get to him. He gives you a sharp glare before kicking the front of your car very hard. Your car flips over and is sent into the air before it begins tumbling down the hill.

"AAAAHHHHH!!" The three of you scream.

And it's basically a repeat of when Dedede's car fell down the cliff, except yours doesn't land upside down.

"We gotta clobber that there Meta Knight twice now!" King Dedede huffs. "Ya' know what? Wait here." King Dedede climbs out of the car and jogs up the hill to his castle.

You and Escargoon just sit there in awkward silence.

Suddenly, you hear a rumbling noise. You look up towards Castle Dedede and gasp when you see a giant...bus?

You suppose it could be most comparable to the Battle Bus from Fortnite, except it's painted orange and yellow, and has Dedede's logo on it.

As King Dedede drives it down the hill, you can hear the Gourmet Race soundtrack from Smash Bros Brawl.

Dedede ain't messing around anymore.

As the bus gets closer, you notice that it looks almost exactly like the Battle Bus. In fact, the paint is chipping in some places and you can see a dark blue coat underneath. And Dedede's logo is just kinda slapped on there.

You raise an eyebrow. Did King Dedede steal the Battle Bus from Fortnite and then customize it himself?

If so, that's pretty awesome.

The bus stops at the bottom of the hill. King Dedede opens the bus doors and shouts "get in!"

Escargoon gets out of your car and boards the bus. You take a moment to shut off the ignition on your car before climbing out and heading onto the bus.

As you step aboard, King Dedede turns to give you a weird look with a slight hint of disdain.

"Not you."

"Oh." You step back and get off the bus.

King Dedede shuts the bus door, and you watch as his Dedede Bus ascends into the air.

You're confused when you see his bus heading back to Castle Dedede, but then you notice Meta Knight's sitting on the roof. He looks up at the Dedede Bus, seeming as confused as you were a few seconds ago.

You hear King Dedede's voice yell out from a speaker. "I'M GONNA CLOBBER YA'!"

Meta Knight's eyes actually widen at that. Instead of answering, he just jumps off the roof, unfolds his wings and starts to fly away.

"AYE YOU GET BACK HERE!" Dedede shouts again, the Dedede Bus making a sharp turn and then pursuing Meta Knight.

You watch the spectacle happen above you. A hatch opens at the top of the bus and a giant, flaming hammer comes out. It starts swinging at Meta Knight, who's trying to dodge it and fly away at the same time. The Dedede Bus continues to blare the Brawl version of Gourmet Race.

The end result is a little underwhelming. Unfortunately Meta Knight doesn't get hit by the Dedede Bus hammer. He does, however, fly straight into a telephone pole, gets electrocuted, and falls from the sky and lands in the woods somewhere.

The Dedede Bus just hovers there for a moment. You guess that King Dedede and Escargoon are trying to decide what to do next.

Then the flaming hammer swings at a tree, setting it on fire. You gasp. Dedede was going to start a forest fire!

Even if that was arguably horrible for the environment, you can't help but admire the fact that King Dedede is a "I do what I want, when I want" kind of guy.

You're sure that Escargoon tried to talk him out of it. You imagine him saying something like "no, Sire! You'll burn Wispy Woods down!"

You imagine King Dedede rebuttling with a huff and a "serves Meta Knight right!"

As you stop daydreaming, you see that the Dedede Bus is returning to Castle Dedede.

Man. It sure would've been awesome to be on that bus.

But to King Dedede, you're just another random occupant of Dreamland amongst the thousands of others.

You sigh and sit down in the grass.

If only he'd notice you more.

You feel something soft touch your shoulder. You look down and see a pink stub. You turn to look behind you are are greeted with the face of Kirby. "Poyo?" He asks.

You offer him a smile. "Hi, Kirby."

"Poy-o?" He asks again, tapping at your face. He's obviously seeing right through your smile and realizes that you're sad.

"Oh, it's nothing," you assure him. The last thing you want to do is worry the pink puffball. Even if you did, you don't really want to explain your feelings for King Dedede to a toddler.

Kirby stares at you for a moment. He seems to be thinking.

You watch as he trots off.

Hopefully he'd find someone else to talk to.

You sigh and lean back, shifting in the grass.

You hear someone approaching you, so you turn around again to find that Kirby's come back with a flower. He holds it out to you. "Poy?"

You smile again. It's a real smile this time, though. "Thank you, Kirby. You're so thoughtful."

Kirby smiles back at you.

You keep smiling as you look down and observe the flower. A bright yellow flower. You wonder where he found it.

You look back at Kirby. Dreamland was lucky to have him. He was just such a sweet little guy. Everyone in Dreamland had a soft spot for him - even Meta Knight.

Everyone in Dreamland...

Except...

King Dedede.

You sit up straighter as your face perks up.

You look down at Kirby, who's still smiling, as he usually is.

That's right, you remember. King Dedede was always ordering some monster from NME to try and "clobber that there Kirby". He'd even tried driving him out of Dreamland.

Everyone suspected the reason was that King Dedede was jealous of all the attention and adoration that Kirby got. While Kirby was sweet, caring, and loved by all, King Dedede was almost the polar opposite. Many Dreamland occupants resented their king. They thought he was narcissistic, greedy, rude, sadistic, and over-confident. After all, there was that time on TV when he had said "The suffering of others is the most amusing thing there is!"

You drift out of your thoughts and look down at Kirby again. He's still smiling at you.

Maybe if you brought the pink puff to King Dedede, he'd finally see you as something more than another Dreamland resident. Maybe he'd want to be your friend. Or maybe even something more...

⁌4⁍ ✿ Dededeforestation? ✿

"Hey, Kirby," you say.

"Poyo?" Kirby asks.

"I have a surprise for you."

"Poy! Poyo poy?" Kirby looks excited, bouncing up and staring at you.

"That's right!" You smile. "You'll have to follow me to come see it, though."

"Poyo!" Kirby does an excited little jump before he gets closer to you. You stand up and begin to walk, checking to see if Kirby is following you. He's right behind you, smiling happily.

You smile back at him before continuing to walk. You start slowly leading him towards Castle Dedede. Kirby doesn't seem to be aware of your motives. Yet, at least.

"Poy poy! Poyo!!"

You stop as you hear Kirby's panicked poyoing. Turning around, you find him staring at the forest.

The forest that is now ablaze.

Oh...

"Kirby! Wait!" You shout, but Kirby doesn't listen to you, instead running off.

You run after Kirby, whether it was because you were actually afraid of something happening to him or just wanted to grab him and book it to Castle Dedede, well, that's up to you.

You finally find Kirby beating up a Chilly. He's holding it by the scarf with one hand (stub?), and repeatedly punching it in the face with his other one.

"Uh..." You wonder if you should stop him from doing that, but before you can make up your mind Kirby inhales the Chilly, swallows it, and gets the ice ability.

Kirby doesn't even look at you before he runs back towards the blazing forest.

Well that's nice. First King Dedede ignored you, now even Kirby forgot about your existence.

Well, you still need him for your plan, so you run after him.

Kirby's trying to freeze the flames, but it doesn't seem to be enough.

This seems like a job for the Fire Dededepartment (King Dedede had a habit of naming a lot of things in Dreamland after himself...soon enough it would probably be Dededreamland).

You fumble around in your pockets until you find you Dededell Mini 3i.

Of course, there's a lot more phone brands out there. Especially ones that are, you know, better, and more up-to-date - not a 3.5" cell phone from 2009 with 256mb of storage and a 3mp camera. But since Dell is the only phone manufacturer that has a name starting with D, it's the only brand that's allowed in Dreamland. And because King Dedede is a huge cheapskate, that's why everyone is stuck with 2009 phones.

But enough of that. You have to call the Fire Dededepartment.

You quickly dial in 911. Or, the Dreamland equivalent, at least; DDD. Oh right, instead of phone numbers, everyone just had a certain amount of D's. So if you asked someone for their number and they were like "13 D's", you'd have to dial in DDDDDDDDDDDDD to call them.

"Mmm yes hello, this is the Emergency Dededepartment, what is your emergency?" The operator asks in a weird tone. He sounds like a Cappy in his mid twenties that listens to techno, has an out-of-style mustache, and still thinks his 80's disco hairstyle is cool. You can just picture all of this from the tone of his voice.

"THE FRICKIN FOREST IS ON FIRE!" You shout.

"Hmmm...aaahh...tsk...ohhhh..."

You narrow your eyes in confusion as the operator dawdles. It sounds like he's tapping a pen on a desk. "We caaaaan send the Fire Dededepartment. You're at Wispy Woods, mmm'yes?"

"Well yeah," you deadpan.

"Alrighty then. A f-i-r-e-t-r-u-c-k should be on the way soon. Kay thanks byyyeeee."

Click.

Beep, beep, beep, beeeeeep...

You frown as you put your phone back into your pocket. What a weird operator.

Well, you should probably round up Kirby in the meantime and let the Fire Dededepartment handle it.

Kirby..?

Your eyes go wide as you realize the pink (well, blue now from the ice ability) puffball is nowhere in site.

"Kirby?" You call out. "Kirby!"

You think you hear a very distant "poyo!" come from the forest, but you're not sure, so you call out Kirby's name again.

A louder "poyo!" answers you this time.

You notice that there's a charred path of trees and bushes that leads into the forest. As you get closer, you can see frost tinging the edges of some branches. It seems like Kirby must have cleared a path through to get into the woods.

You cautiously work your way through the path and find Kirby standing in a small clearing. As you look around, you notice that there's pie splattered against some of the trees. It looks like it's been there for a while.

"Poyo poy poy!" Kirby shouts, and you turn to look at him. He waves around, gesturing at the still-burning forest. He seems distressed.

"It's okay, Kirby," you try to reassure him. "I called the emergency number and the Fire Dededepartment is on their way."

That seems to make Kirby feel a little bit better.

You were about to hold out your hand and start walking him to Castle Dedede again, but of course you're interrupted by a shout and then a thud. You don't see the source of the noise right away, but Kirby must have, as he shouts "poyo!" and runs off again.

You follow after him, and find Meta Knight a bit deeper in the forest, trying to pat out the flames that are now on his cape. As you two approach, he looks up at Kirby with wide eyes. "Kirby! What are you doing in here?"

"Poyo!" Kirby shouts again. Of course Kirby would be concerned about Meta Knight. He was his mentor, after all.

"Get out of here! It's too dangerous!"

"Poy-no!" Kirby narrows his eyes and shakes his head.

You hold in a sigh. You don't really care if Meta Knight burns or not. He did, after all, kind of deserve it for what he did to King Dedede. But Kirby, being the hero of Dreamland, has to be the hero yet again.

Kirby rubs his head for a moment, looking like he's thinking. Then he smiles and gets closer to Meta Knight, who's still trying to put out the fire on his cape. Meta Knight looks up at him. "What are you doing?"

Kirby answers by blowing ice directly at Meta Knight.

"Kirby! No, stop - KIRBY!"

He keeps blowing ice until the area where Meta Knight was standing is nothing more than a big cloud of ice.

Finally, Kirby decides he's blown enough ice and stops.

As the ice cloud dissipates, you see a giant ice cube.

Uh oh...

You and Kirby exchange a nervous glance with each other.

You slowly turn back to the ice cube to find that Meta Knight is frozen inside of it, his expression stuck in a mixture of surprise and anger.

"Poy!" Kirby shouts, tapping on the ice cube.

Meta Knight, being an ice cube, does not respond.

"Alright, well I'm sure he'll melt soon enough with all this fire around." You shrug.

Kirby just frowns.

"Come on, Kirby, let's get back to that surprise." You turn around and start to walk off, but Kirby tugs at you and pulls you back. You give him a confused look, to which he answers with a firm "poyo poy!" as he points at the Meta Knight ice cube.

"What?" You groan.

Kirby answers by getting behind the Meta Cube and starting to push it.

"Oh come on." You stifle a sigh. "Do we have to bring him with us?"

"Po-yo!" Kirby insists, pushing the Meta Cube harder.

You sigh. "Alright alright, fine."

You stand next to Kirby and help him push the Meta Cube. By the time it melts, hopefully Meta Knight will just go away so you can hand Kirby over to King Dedede, because you know he would never let King Dedede get Kirby. Or maybe if you guys are quick enough, you can just shove him into his room inside the castle before his ice cube melts.

And so, you and Kirby walk together, pushing the Meta Cube up the hill towards Castle Dedede.

⁌5⁍ ✿ It's A Dededeal ✿

Most people in Dreamland were spheres. Small, short spheres. They didn't weigh much, as a result. You could pick them up and toss them around like a ball. They were light, soft and squishy.

In your trek uphill, you quickly learned that Meta Knight was not one of those spheres. Was it all the armor? The fact he was inside a large ice cube? Both of those things?

Either way, pushing him uphill was quite tiring. By the time you and Kirby arrive at Castle Dedede, which is very conveniently located on top of a hill, you're exhausted.

Why doesn't Kirby look tired? He's, like, half your size!

"Now what?" You ask, gesturing at the Meta Cube.

Kirby blinks cartoonishly, staring up at you.

"Well?"

"Po...yo?" Kirby shrugs. He glances at the castle. He's obviously wary of entering it. Makes sense, given King Dedede's resentment towards him.

You glance at Meta Knight, who is, of course, still frozen inside the ice cube.

You huff and roll your eyes. "Fine. We'll just sit here and wait for him to melt." You sit down, crossing your arms as you give a pointed glance towards Kirby.

Being Kirby, he doesn't pick up on your passive aggressiveness. He instead smiles before sitting down across from you.

You try to talk to Kirby in order to pass the time, but soon realize the young puffball isn't very good for making smalltalk with. All he really does is poyo, anyway.

Giving up, you just lean back and stare at the sky. It's well past noontime, and the sun will probably be setting soon. You stifle an irritated sigh. You wanted to make King Dedede fall in love with you by tonight!

Of course, as it gets later in the day, the temperature tends to go down. So that probably slowed down the process of the ice cube melting.

After sitting there for so long that you're starting to feel stiff, the ice cube finally melted enough so that Meta Knight could start slashing his way out of it. If he wasn't so rude to Dedede earlier, you would have offered to help. Then again...he seems to be managing it just fine by himself.

As soon as he is free from his icy prison, Kirby poyos happily. Instead of acknowledging him right away, Meta Knight just glares at you like it's your fault he was inside an ice cube.

You huff, offended, and wordlessly gesture at Kirby, who's sitting there smiling.

It's obvious Meta Knight still blames you for it, but at least he finally looks away to acknowledge Kirby. Even if it was just a nod. He was not a very talkative borb.

You roll your eyes. On the outside, you appear annoyed, but on the inside, you're trying to figure out how you'll be able to take Kirby to King Dedede when Meta Knight's standing right there.

You don't get to think very long about it, as some angry shouting and clanging from inside the castle catches the attention of all three of you.

"...That would most likely be Dedede," Meta Knight remarks, looking a bit exasperated. "I suppose I should investigate."

He starts to head towards the entrance of the castle. Kirby grabs onto his cape, almost tripping at first and starting to get dragged. Meta Knight seems a bit confused that Kirby wants to come with him. He looks down at the puffball before blinking, turning back around and heading inside the castle with Kirby hanging onto his cape.

What if King Dedede was hurt? What if someone was invading the castle? You should protect him! You hurry after the two of them.

You've never actually been inside the castle before, and you're taken aback by the architecture of it. There's so many hallways, too. How could anyone know their way around here? Clearly Meta Knight does. Then again, he lives here, so of course he would.

You think you'd quickly become lost inside this glorious castle, but at least you have Meta Knight as the unofficial tour guide. Actually, now that you think about it, he would make a terrible tour guide. He isn't pointing anything out or talking about the place. Plus he can be rather rude.

Well, you're certainly not giving him any tips for his service, you think to yourself with a huff.

As you follow him around a corner, you stop and take in the sight before you. Waddle Dees have been tossed all over the place, along with vending machines being tipped over. Meta Knight and Kirby have stopped as well, silently taking in the chaos of the hallway.

What the heck happened here?

You start to hear some wailing from down the hallway, along with what sounds like something banging against the floor.

"Sire, please!" You hear Escargoon exclaim.

King Dedede responds by yelling out in anger before wailing again and banging the floor harder. Hard enough to make Kirby give a surprised "poyo!" and bounce up a bit, in fact.

Well since the other two are just standing there, you walk past them and start to head down the hallway. You start to become a little bit concerned when you don't hear them following. Meta Knight knows everything, doesn't he? You turn around to glance at him, expecting to find him worried or something.

Whatever that expression is, it is far from worried. Much closer to annoyance, in fact. Annoyed? Exasperated? Irritated? All three of those words could be used to describe his current expression.

"It would appear Dedede is throwing a tantrum."

You stare at Meta Knight for a moment, expecting him to, well, go address Dedede. When he continues to stand there, you huff. "So let's go see what's wrong, then."

"...You say that as if it is something I am going to get involved with."

"Well yeah, you're getting involved with it!" You point out irritably. "We're all gonna go cheer King Dedede up!"

Meta Knight turns a bit to glance at Kirby behind him, then back at you. His way of wordlessly pointing out the fact that Kirby was here, and that King Dedede would absolutely not be pleased to find the pink puffball in his castle.

"Yeah, well, whatever. Come on, borb." You grab Meta Knight by the end of his cape and start to drag him down the hallway. Of course, this infuriates him.

"Unhand me, simpleton! I am no borb! I am Meta Knight!"

"Yeah yeah, whatever," you reply, rolling your eyes as you continue to drag the angry borb down the hallway.

It probably didn't help when Kirby jumped on top of Meta Knight and sat on him while he was being dragged, giggling. "Meta-boat, poyo!"

"I am no boat, Kirby!" Meta Knight snapped. Unsurprisingly, the word "fun" wasn't exactly in his dictionary.

"Choo choo!" Kirby didn't seem to know the difference between trains and boats, but that's okay. He's a baby.

You're forced to finally let go of Meta Knight outside the throne room, because he pulls out his flaming super death sword and starts slashing at you. Being on the receiving end of Galaxia probably wasn't very fun, and you're really not keen on finding out just how bad it hurts.

After you let go of him, Meta Knight huffs and makes a point of brushing himself off as he glares at you. Kirby is sitting on his head, and looks quite happy about it. Of course, that was unacceptable for Meta Knight--he must always be the tallest. So he was quick to pick Kirby up and place him on the ground, despite the puffball's whiny protesting.

The wailing and banging is much louder now that you're all outside the throne room.

Now that you're actually there, you're starting to feel a bit scared. What if King Dedede doesn't want to see you? What if he rejects you? What if he bans you from the castle?

Nervous, you start to shake and cower away from the doorway of the throne room.

Meta Knight glances at you, who's shaking and cowering, and Kirby, who is hiding behind his cape. He rolls his eyes before tugging his cape from Kirby's grip, entering the throne room as he wraps said cape around himself.

You and Kirby shuffle closer together as you both peek around the corner and into the room.

King Dedede is laying on the floor, sobbing away and banging on the ground. Escargoon is standing over him, looking worried. As soon as Meta Knight enters the room, Escargoon perks up and goes over to him. "Meta Knight! Just the man I'm looking for. His Majesty's all worked up, and he won't tell me the reason why! Do ya think you'd be able to reason with him?"

At first, Meta Knight's only response is a slow blink. "Fine." Brushing past Escargoon, he stops in front of King Dedede. Given that the penguin king is laying on the floor, Meta Knight is actually taller than him for once. He's probably taking great satisfaction in being able to look down at Dedede for once instead of up. "Do you care to explain the meaning of this tantrum, Dedede?"

When he spoke, King Dedede immediately looked up, since he'd had his eyes closed while banging on the floor. He must have forgotten about the earlier conflict he'd had with the knight, if the meek look in his eyes is anything to go by. "M-Meta Kn-Kn-Knight!" He stammers, clearly on the verge of tears again.

Slowly, the king takes off his hat, revealing a bald blue head. "I AIN'T GOT NO HAIR!" After he gets that out, he falls back to the floor and resumes bawling.

Meta Knight does not look amused in the slightest. He glances down at King Dedede for a moment or two before turning his unamused gaze towards Escargoon. The king's advisor looks baffled. He blinks a few times before shaking his head and approaching King Dedede. "S-Sire your species does not grow hair."

"I don't care about that!" Dedede shouts, banging on the floor again. "Kings need hair! Even Burger King has hair!"

"...Dedede, I do not believe the Burger King is a real king," Meta Knight points out, his eyes narrowed even more.

"Maybe you could get a wig?" You suggest.

At the suggestion, King Dedede looks up, seeming confused and surprised. As he spots you at the doorway, his eyes narrow and he scowls, making you shrink back a bit. "That's fake hair! A real king needs real hair!"

Meta Knight doesn't even try to be discreet about rolling his eyes at the "real king" part.

You glare at him, but he doesn't acknowledge you.

You probably would have called him out on his blatant disloyalty or tried to start an argument, but all of those plans come to a halt when you realize King Dedede has noticed Kirby.

The penguin king is staring at him, eyes wide. Almost as if he can't believe Kirby is not only in his castle, but witnessed his tantrum.

Meta Knight looks from King Dedede to Kirby, most likely realizing the situation.

Did Dedede even know he was Kirby's mentor? Probably not.

"BRING ME THAT THERE KIRBEH!" King Dedede shouts.

Kirby poyos and steps back, looking a bit scared. Luckily for the pink puffball, Meta Knight was quick to grab him and fly off.

"WHAT--META GET BACK HERE!" King Dedede yells. He gets up and stomps out of the throne room after them. "BRING ME THAT KIRBEH OR ELSE I'M RAISIN' YA' RENT!"

You follow after the self-proclaimed king, Escargoon doing the same after a moment of hesitation.

Meta Knight's pretty much long gone with Kirby by that point. After reaching the end of the hallway, he flies out a window.

"DANG IT!" King Dedede roars in frustration.

"I-I can get Kirby for you," you shyly offer, looking up at the king.

"What? You?" Dedede gawks for a moment before scoffing. "Why?"

You blush, looking down at the floor. "I-I...um...to serve you, of course, my king." You look back up at him, continuing to blush as you smile.

King Dedede gives you a weird look, tilting his head a bit.

Escargoon is staring at you too, an eyebrow raised.

You gulp nervously.

Finally, King Dedede rolls his eyes a bit and shrugs. "Sure, why not. Bring me that there Kirbeh and I'll reward ya' handsomely, heh heh!" He smirks, rubbing his mittened hands together.

Escargoon nervously taps Dedede's shoulder. "Sire, I'm not sure if we can afford more financial strains-"

"Oh, shut it, ya' dumb snail." Dedede smacks Escargoon in the face.

You blush again, wondering if King Dedede would smack you in the face.

King Dedede turns back to you, extending his arm for a handshake. "We got a deal, then?"

You stare at his outstretched hand for a moment, feeling your blush darken. You slowly look up at the face of the king, who is looking down at you expectantly. "Well?"

"Yes," you manage to say as you grab Dedede's hand and shake.

The orange mitten he wears feels warm and soft. For a moment, you imagine those mittened hands hugging you. How much you would love to feel a hug from Dreamland's self-proclaimed king.

"Uh, okay, ya' can let go now." Dedede is looking at you a little funny.

"O-oh, right." You finally let go, trying to savor the feeling of his hand.

"Alright." King Dedede puts his hands on his hips. "Now bring me that there Kirbeh!"

"Yes, my king." In your semi-delirious and lovestruck state, you simultaneously bow and salute to him before turning and heading down the hallway, stumbling a bit over an uneven part of the stone floor.

"They're kinda weird," you hear King Dedede mutter to Escargoon.

"Agreed," Escargoon replies.

You're sure they're both staring after you as you walk down the hallway, but you're too nervous to turn around and look.

Instead, as you round the corner, you lift up the hand you shook with King Dedede. You can still feel the texture of his mitten against your skin. The warmth. The firmness of his grip. How he shook a little too hard and eagerly.

You smile as you stare at your hand while walking through the hallways of the castle.

You're never washing that hand again.

⁌6⁍ ✿ A "Slight" Dededetour ✿

Did I really make an entire fake radio station for this one chapter? Yes...yes I did.
Complete with five songs, four song samples, text-to-speech voices, and weird commercials.

Listening to the radio is not necessary; it's optional. The important parts from the radio are described and written in the story.

Anyway...~6500 words in this chapter. Better get comfy, because the ride never ends.

You quickly realize that you have no idea where Meta Knight went. Well then.

A promise is a promise, however. And you don't want to disappoint your king!

Hm...what would be the most obvious place? Kirby's house? Probably.

Yeah, good enough. You shrug to yourself, hop in your car that was still parked at the bottom of Castle Dedede's hill, and drive off.

The sun is beginning to set, casting rays of orange across the sky. You pull out a pair of sunglasses so you can look cool, driving in the sunset with your convertible car. A random Cappy looks on in envy, and you smile.

You turn on the radio, and decide to see what's up with the local radio stations. The first one you land on is playing All Star by Smash Mouth, and it looks like you've caught it right at the beginning too.

So now you're driving through town in a convertible, sunglasses on, leaning back a bit as the sun sets in the background, with All Star playing from the radio. What an odd aesthetic.

"Hey! Hey!" A voice from above exclaims.

Stopping at a stop sign, you glance above you to see Galacta Knight descending from the sky. For some reason Axe Knight is hanging off of one of his horns.

"Turn that off!" Galacta Knight orders, eyes narrowed a bit as he lands on the hood of your car. He's apparently decided to ignore the smaller knight tugging at his horn.

"No." You glare at him. Since he's Galacta Knight, though, you have a feeling this argument won't be over quickly, so you shift your car into park.

"You will doom us all with your ignorance." Galacta Knight glares into your soul. "Playing that song is how one summons a great evil."

"What else summons this 'great evil'? Wearing a sombrero in a goofy fashion?" You scoff, shifting a bit as the self-proclaimed Greatest Warrior in the Galaxy glares into your soul.

Galacta Knight's red eyes widen a bit. "Yes! Now stop playing that song, before the beast is summoned."

"I don't know, maybe I will get the sombrero," you bluff, rolling your eyes a bit.

"I'd like to see you try," Galacta Knight threatens, pulling out his lance and pointing it at you. Before he can threaten you for long, though, Axe Knight intervenes, tugging at his lance and trying to bonk Galacta over the head with it.

Galacta Knight hisses in irritation, kicking the smaller knight back. "Will you buzz off?!"

"No! You suck!" Axe Knight tries to take his lance away again. "You're not the Greatest Warrior in the Galaxy!"

"Yes I am!" Galacta Knight shouts angrily.

"No, Meta Knight is!" Axe Knight finally manages to bonk Galacta Knight on the head with his own weapon, which infuriates him.

"Oh, speaking of him," you interrupt, leaning forward before Galacta Knight can bonk Axe Knight in return. "Do you know where he is right now?"

Galacta Knight's holding his shield up with both hands, and had probably been about to bring it down on top of Axe's head, which...would have been useless, since he wore a helmet. After you interrupt, though, he stops and just stares at you.

"I saw him taking Kirby to McDedede's about 10 minutes ago," Axe Knight answers you.

McDedede's, huh? Interesting...you rub your chin for a moment before nodding. "Thanks." You put your car in gear again, making note of the PRNDL. Well, except you can't really drive off yet, since you've still got two masked puffballs(?) on the hood of your car...What is Axe Knight, anyway? Or Galacta Knight for that matter? You're not really sure. It's easy to assume they're puffballs, but...hm.

They probably weren't going anywhere anytime soon, since Galacta Knight was all worked up and angry. "You bumbling buffoon. You cretin. You absolute simpleton. I could end your life at any moment. You don't understand, do you? I am the Greatest Warrior in the Galaxy-"

"No you're not," Axe Knight interrupted.

"YES I AM!"

You roll your eyes.

Instead of replying, Axe Knight just swings his axe at one of Galacta Knight's horns, only to blink in surprise as he breaks a piece of it off.

Galacta Knight just stands there, his eyes practically narrowed to slits as he is left with half a horn.

Axe Knight blinks once, twice. He glances at you briefly before suddenly jumping off of your car and running away. Galacta Knight flies after him, lance out and ready to impale the skele-knight like a shishkabob.

You watch them run off, with Galacta Knight shouting curses and obscenities and Axe Knight calling out for Meta Knight's help.

What a spectacle that was.

Well, if Axe is looking for Meta Knight's help, that means he's probably headed towards McDedede's. You decide that you should probably follow them, and maybe even get to McDedede's before they do. You don't need Axe warning Meta that you're coming, after all!

Doing another semi-illegal u-turn that earns some angry honking from the Waddle Doo you just cut off, you speed after them. Appropriately, as you do, the car screeching sounds from the bridge of All Star play.

Galacta Knight glares over at you as you catch up to them. "Stop playing the ogre song!"

"No." You turn up the volume louder just to spite Galacta Knight, which enrages him. Before he can get close enough to whack you with his lance, though, you floor it and speed off, the chorus of All Star blaring as you do. Galacta Knight's angry shouting fades into the background.

All Star eventually comes to a close, as sadly, all good things must come to an end. The radio host starts blabbing about being the radio host, and goes on about how great it is to listen to him talk. He seems kind of self aware, when you think about it.

As he continues to talk, Deja Vu from Initial D starts to play. Of course, the guy keeps talking until the vocals actually start.

Is this the meme radio or something? You don't know, but this song sure is a bop. Makes you wanna go fast like Sonic.

Before long, the speedometer is at its max, and you're racing through town with the power of anime eurobeat.

You know the way to McDedede's, of course. You go there on an almost daily basis. Sometimes you hope to catch a glimpse of the king himself at his own establishment, other times you just go there to stare at the pictures of him that're plastered all over the windows.

Some say he has the ego the size of his belly, but that just makes you fall in love with him even more...for some reason. Guess you love a man that's so confident and takes pride in himself? Or maybe you just think Dedede's hot, which I can't blame you for.

Whatever the reason, you have the route to McDedede's memorized by heart, and you know all the shortcuts too. Sure, you may have almost run over a family of Cappies and hit a wild Grizzo along the way, but in 1 minute and 82 seconds flat, you're at the entrance to McDedede's.

However...you're a bit too excited about arriving at your favorite restaurant. So that's why instead of parking in the parking lot and walking inside like a normal person, you just drive your car right through the entrance, shattering glass. At the exact moment you do, a loud "Deja Vu!" comes from the radio.

Crashing into McDedede's right as the chorus starts. Sweet.

You slam on the brakes in front of the cash register. The cashier Waddle Dee stares at you with wide, slightly terrified eyes.

You smile and wave at the Dee, which just makes it even more scared for some reason.

"I didn't know they had a drive-thru here," you hear someone remark. He sounds somewhere between confused and surprised.

You glance over to see Magolor at a table, an uneaten cheeseburger in his floating hands as he stares over at you.

How does Magolor eat, anyway? Not like anyone's ever seen his mouth, if he even has one.

You mentally shrug off that thought. It's Dreamland, your head will start to hurt too much if you question everything.

"Magolor I swear, if you take that as an excuse to crash your ship in here..." And there would be Meta Knight, standing on a table and glaring over at the Halcandran. The only acknowledgement he gives to your presence is a passing glance.

"Why? They did it!" Magolor huffs and gestures over at you, accidentally dropping his cheeseburger in the process. Seeing that, his yellow eyes widen. "Oh no, my DeBurger!" He goes down to the ground and begins picking up the remains of his burger, which had comedically gone everywhere.

You briefly wonder why Meta Knight isn't being hostile towards you, but you figure it's because up until now, you've only had minor grievances with the knight. Not like he knows you're here to try and nab Kirby and all.

Leaving Magolor to pick up his burger remains while Meta Knight rolled his eyes, you glance back over at the cashier. Yeah yeah, you have to get Kirby and all, but you're kinda hungry right now. "Yeah, can I get a uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

The Waddle Dee narrows its eyes into a very obvious display of annoyance as you drag the "uhh" on for an unreasonable amount of time.

Sadly, you never get to finish your "uhhhh", as that's when Galacta Knight finally shows up. He shoves open the door (or, what remains of it at this point), dragging Axe Knight unceremoniously behind him. "META KNIGHT COME TAKE YOUR MINION BEFORE I END HIS PITIFUL LIFE."

"I'd like to see you try!" Axe Knight retorts, even though he's the one getting dragged by his helmet.

"That is the thing - I wouldn't need to try." Galacta Knight turns to glare down at him as Meta Knight hops off the table he'd been standing on and slowly makes his way over to them.

"Alright, Mr. Suckiest Warrior in the Galaxy."

Galacta Knight's eye twitches, and he stands up straighter, his posture stiff. "WHY YOU-"

"Enough." Meta Knight is most likely annoyed by now, especially seeing as he just shoulders past Galacta and grabs Axe by the opposite side of his helmet to start dragging him off.

Galacta Knight huffs, his feathered wings bristling as he glares after the two of them. "Maybe you should train your minions to be...I don't know...less rude!" He remarks.

Meta Knight doesn't retort, but he does roll his eyes a bit. Once the two of them are far enough away from Galacta, he lets go of Axe Knight, leaving him to follow along by himself.

"You were making false claims!" Axe Knight shouts over at Galacta Knight, briefly turning around as he followed Meta.

"I was making true claims!" Galacta Knight insists.

You snicker, mostly at how overly defensive and angry Galacta is, but fall silent as he directs his red glare towards you. "You dare laugh at the Greatest Warrior in the Galaxy?!"

"Is that seriously what this is about?" Meta Knight mutters, shaking his head. "I thought we settled this, Galacta."

"Yes!" Both Axe and Galacta answered his first statement, looking over at him before they went back to arguing back and forth, which they continue to do for a little while.

Even you are facepalming at this point.

You're still hungry, though, so you look back at the cashier Waddle Dee, who's been standing there awkwardly this whole time. "Oh yeah, I want a...uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

While you're busy sitting there in your car "uhhhh"ing, Meta Knight approaches the counter, seeming quite exasperated. "Do you serve alcohol here?"

The cashier stares at him silently for a solid 10 seconds. "...Sir this is a fast food place."

"And?" Meta Knight grunts.

The cashier just blinks, and stares at him for another 10 seconds.

You suddenly jolt in surprise, cutting off your "uhhhhh" as loud car crash sounds come from the radio. That's right, you'd forgotten it was on. You'd kind of tuned most of it out. All you can remember hearing is Deja Vu eventually ending, some weird guy saying good morning, and part of an Ed Sheeran song.

You stare at the radio as you listen to some woman talk about the car crash statistics in Dreamland, which seem extremely disproportionate to the total population.

Oh no, Wario was one of the death statistics?! A gasp catches in your throat as you reel back. No, it can't be.

The woman then asks (more like begs) people to not go fast when Initial D - Deja Vu comes on the radio (should've said that earlier, lady), and says that Deja Vu is responsible for at least 98% of car accidents. Sheesh.

"Don't be part of the 98 percent; be the 2 percent that makes driving safer. Do it for the safety of our children, and for the safety of Dreamland. Thank you."

"...Meta why is the radio lady telling me to become the bourgeoisie?" Axe Knight asks slowly, glancing over at said borb.

Silence hangs over the McDedede's for a few moments. Well, silence except for whatever is currently coming from your car radio.

The only comprehensible thing you could make out was "here's the Name Your Price Tool!" before it started playing some sweet dubstep. You're not really sure what this commercial is even trying to advertise, but you nod your head along to it anyway.

In your opinion, that commercial couldn't be topped. Plus, you're kind of wasting gas by just idling your car here, so you shut the ignition off and pull your key out, also turning off the radio by effect. Now it truly is silent inside McDedede's.

"...I don't believe that was the intended messa—" Meta Knight finally starts to answer, but alas, is interrupted by his second in command. Or is he the third? Fourth? Fifth? Sixth? Seventh? You're not aware of any official hierarchy there may be with his knights, but Axe Knight definitely seems to follow him around a lot...

"Too late, I'm ready to go oppress poor people."

"Axe Knight—"

"Starting with this loser." Axe Knight looks over at Galacta Knight before pointing and laughing. "Haha, you don't even have a wallet!"

Galacta Knight roars in anger and charges at him.

Axe Knight looks a bit spooked, but luckily for him, he doesn't have to face the consequences of invoking Galacta Knight's wrath. Meta Knight jumps in to intervene before the pink borb can even get close to him.

"Aw man, I didn't bring any popcorn!" Magolor complains loudly as the two begin having a battle inside a McDedede's.

You just sigh and shake your head, leaning back in your car as that particular area of McDedede's is overtaken by tornadoes and fire. Not caring about the showdown that is going down, you look back over at the cashier Dee. "The uhhhhhhhh..."

"That's it!" The Waddle Dee throws its hat off. "I quit!" It turns and stomps out the door, walking right past the raging battle.

You stare after the Dee, honestly surprised that a Waddle Dee, of all things, would lose its temper. You wonder what the tipping point was. Was it you crashing your car in here? Your constant "uhhhh"ing? Meta Knight trying to get vodka at a McDedede's? Galacta and Meta turning the establishment into a war zone? Magolor apparently leaving his burger all over the floor? Axe Knight holding down the lever to the ice dispenser, so that there was now ice all over the floor? Wait, when did he start doing that? Also...why, exactly, is he?

You sigh again and shake your head. It's Dreamland, why do you question these things?

Instead, you internally think over the possible consequences that could occur from jumping behind the counter and grabbing some food for yourself. Surely there should be none. The cashier wasn't even here anymore! And you know what they say: if a new cashier doesn't show up within the next 15 minutes, you're legally allowed to steal some Happy Dedede Meals.

You were probably about to seriously do that, but before you can, your attention is drawn to Kirby making an appearance. He must have been sitting somewhere further off where you couldn't see him. Probably eating.

Well, it doesn't matter much what he had been doing, as he had now joined the fight that was occurring. Of course, he's on Meta Knight's side. Without an ability, he can't do much, though. So that's probably why Kirby just picks up a nearby chair and starts whacking Galacta Knight with it. "Borb, poyo! Pink borb!"

"I AM NO BORB." Galacta Knight yanks the chair from Kirby's grip and goes to bring it down on top of the puffball's head. "BE GONE, CHILD!"

"Poy-no!" Kirby kicks the winged warrior, which makes him drop the chair on top of himself somehow. Of course, that infuriates Galacta, but then again, so does everything. Just last week, he set a store on fire because they were out of chicken salad.

As Kirby starts to go on the offensive, Meta Knight starts to draw back. Eventually, it gets to the point where he is just standing there, doing absolutely nothing besides wrapping his cape around himself. Great mentor.

"Are you letting a CHILD fight for you?!" Galacta Knight asks angrily.

Meta Knight just blinks, continuing to watch them fight.

"Pink borb, porb, poyo, porp!" Kirby whacks Galacta with the chair again, which makes him quite unhappy.

Your eyes widen as you watch the pink puffball. You need to grab him!

Seeing as he's in the middle of a fight, though, it won't be an easy task. And it doesn't help when Magolor and Axe Knight get closer to watch. Kirby, being the smallest, is quickly hidden from your view. You scowl to yourself in slight irritation.

Well, time to take this puffball by force. You're the one with a motor vehicle, after all.

You put the key in the ignition and start your car. The radio comes back on. It sounds like the radio host is having a bit of a stroke while trying to pronounce something. Spibble? Spibble Babble? Squing Pong? Whatever.

And, appropriately, the radio is now playing the semi-iconic Spongebob chase scene music. You rev the engine as you shift your car into gear. As you do, Kirby is knocked backwards by Galacta Knight, hitting a table with an "oof!" as he lands, a bit dazed.

That's your opportunity. Slamming down on the gas, you drive your car over to the table and grab Kirby, pulling him in the car and setting him into the passenger seat as you stop your car. He gives a surprised "poyo!" as you fasten the seatbelt over him. Even if you're literally kidnapping him, you still want him to remain safe.

The seatbelt's a bit big for him, and Kirby looks somewhere between scared and surprised, but at least he isn't trying to attack you or anything. And he doesn't look absolutely terrified, either, so that's a plus.

But, of course, since it's Kirby that you're taking, there would be a Meta Knight jumping on your car. "Where the hell do you think you are going?" He demands, pointing his sword at you. His eyes are unmistakably red.

"Uh...taking Kirby for ice cream," you smile. It's obvious that Meta Knight doesn't believe you at all, so you discreetly reach for the gear shift, putting the car in reverse. After shifting into the appropriate gear, you stomp on the gas, making your car speed backwards. That's enough to make Meta Knight fall off, and you quickly put your car in drive again and floor it.

If running over Meta Knight is what's necessary to get Kirby to Castle Dedede, then so be it.

"Hey, you can't run over Meta Knight!" Axe Knight runs after your car, hopping and swinging his axe into the side of it. Unfortunately for him, his axe becomes lodged in your car, so he can't do anything besides hang there from it, trying (and failing) to pull it out. At least he tried.

In front of your car, Magolor's helping Meta Knight up. It's obvious that Meta's ready to shove his sword through something. Or...someone, actually. A bit surprising that Magolor willingly helped him up, though. Anyway, they're not standing there for long, as you quickly barrel into them with your car.

Instead of being run over or getting knocked to the side, they kind of just get stuck to the front of your car. Probably because of how fast you're going.

Galacta Knight was just standing there, looking like he was not only utterly confused, but still trying to process what had even happened within the last 10 seconds. Since he was standing there and not moving, he winds up on the front of your car too.

With Kirby in the passenger seat, two borbs and an egg on the front of your car, and Axe Knight hanging off the side, you floor it out of McDedede's and towards Castle Dedede, the funny Spongebob chase scene music propelling you forth.

Normally, most of them would probably fight back. But they're probably either way too confused, shocked, or downright befuddled at the moment. Also there's not a lot you can do when you're stuck on the front of a car that's going at least five times the speed limit.

Along the drive, you pick up some others on the front of your car. Bandana Dee, who had just been trying to cross the street, Marx, who came out a manhole for some reason, and Taranza, who was on the sidewalk, all join the others on the front of the car. You were almost able to add Daroach to the collection too, but he just went flying over the hood of your car and landed with a thud somewhere behind you.

It's dusk now. By the time you can see Castle Dedede in the distance, your guests have made their presence known. Meta Knight's shouting death threats at you, and Galacta Knight's promising to end your life in a very slow, gruesome, painful manner. Axe Knight is still trying to get his axe out of your car. Kirby's sitting there quietly, probably not really understanding what's happening. Bandana Dee's screaming for some reason. Marx soon joins him. Magolor huffs and starts going on about how unnecessary that is, acting like this whole thing is only a minor inconvenience. Taranza just starts crying.

As the Spongebob music ends, the radio station plays blips of other songs. While it does that, you peer over the dashboard a bit. "You guys got any song suggestions?" You ask casually.

"What?!" Galacta Knight snaps, probably outraged that you have the audacity to ask a question so casually like that after doing all this.

"Chopin Etude Op. 10 No. 3, Tristesse?" Meta Knight asks, sounding resigned. "That one usually calms me down."

"How?" Galacta looks over at him. "That is essentially...pure angst in piano form. Guess it makes sense that you'd like it, though, you temperamental edgelord." He scoffs.

At that, Meta Knight stiffens up. Instead of retorting, he just pulls his sword out and swings at Galacta Knight, who retaliates with his lance. Soon enough they're having another fight, except this time it's on the front of your car. You sigh in annoyance as you think about how much it'll cost to have it fixed and repainted.

Shaking your head, you look down at the others on the front of your car. "Anyone else have suggestions?"

"Katy Perry?" Magolor asks, looking up at you hopefully.

"I want the apple juice song," Bandana Dee whines a little.

Before you can take either of their suggestions into account, Party Rock Anthem starts to play from the radio. "Well too bad, we're party rocking."

"Ooh, I know this song!" Magolor exclaims, sounding a bit giddy. "Party in the USA, right?"

"It's Party Rock Anthem, you dingus," Marx retorts, causing Magolor to look down dejectedly, his ears drooping.

"Party rockers in the house tonight!" Taranza sings, finally ceasing his sobbing when he hears the song.

"It's 'party rock is'," Axe Knight points out bluntly, which makes Taranza start crying again.

You roll your eyes before looking up. You've arrived at the bottom of Castle Dedede's hill.

With the power of Party Rock Anthem, you begin speeding up the hill. Sure, you may be headed towards the side of it, and not the front entrance, but whatever.

As you get closer and closer, some of your hostages realize you're not slowing down at all. Meta Knight is the first to speak, and he's definitely not happy. "You stop this car RIGHT NOW! Do you realize how much work it takes to rebuild the castle every other week?!"

"Oh sweet Nova we're GONNA DIE!" Bandana Dee cries.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!" is Marx's only contribution to the discussion.

Axe Knight just stares straight ahead. "I'm ready for Valhalla."

Magolor's mumbling to himself in Halcandran, probably praying.

"It will take a lot more than a foolish car crash to exterminate The Greatest Warrior in the Galaxy!" Galacta Knight loudly insists, which makes Meta Knight glare over at him. "Galacta, I swear to Nova!"

Kirby is poyoing rapidly, but is still restrained by the seatbelt.

Taranza continues crying. What's he even crying about? Is he just sad all the time? Probably.

You narrow your eyes and lean forward a bit, pushing the gas pedal to the floor. Tuning out the grievances, screaming, and crying of your unfortunate guests, you zero in on the side of the castle, preparing to crash through the wall.

"Party rock is in the house tonight!
Everybody just have a good time (yeah).
And we gon' make you lose your mind (woo),
Everybody just have a good time."

"I am not having a good time!" Magolor exclaims, but it's far too late to stop your car now.

"Party rock is in the house tonight!"

The moment that line plays is the moment you crash through the wall of Castle Dedede.

King Dedede himself is standing in the throne room, his eyes wide as the scene rapidly unfolds before his eyes.

Something crunches underneath your car, but it's probably just rubble. Galacta Knight goes flying and hits the ceiling, bringing down some rubble with him as he falls. Marx goes flying too, but he just hits the wall on the opposite side of the room. Meta Knight is also sent forward a bit, hitting the ground and rolling a couple times before standing up and dusting himself off. Bandana Dee gets yeeted as well and hits Dedede's stomach, who fumbles a bit before catching him. Axe Knight just got thrown out a random window somehow.

Magolor and Taranza are fine, since they float, and thus says "no" to gravity. Well...Magolor is fine, Taranza's just fine physically. Kirby's fine too, since he has his seatbelt, as do you.

King Dedede continues to stand there wide-eyed as everyone recovers. Bandana Dee rubs his head, mumbling something as Dedede continues to hold him. Marx gets up, huffs, and glares over at you. Marx not smiling for once? Uh oh.

Galacta Knight picks up the ceiling rubble and throws it at you car. "You bumbling buffoon, you absolute moron! I will cut you open and spread your organs from here to Shiver Star! You are but a pitiful insect compared to me, do not forget that!"

You duck, the rubble going over your head and landing on the back of you car. Despite feeling a bit nervous, it's still pretty funny to get Galacta all worked up.

You glance around the room a bit. Dedede's still silent, which starts to worry you. Axe Knight is sitting in the window, watching everyone else. Magolor's staying off to the side, blinking cartoonishly every so often. Marx is standing next to him, staring over at King Dedede with a blank look. Taranza's still crying, sitting down in front of your car, but at least it's died down to quiet sniffles.

Wait a minute, where's-

Feeling a blade pressed against the back of your neck soon answers that question. "Release Kirby this instant."

Oh, right, Kirby exists. You glance down at him. He still has his seatbelt on, and is staring up at Meta Knight behind you.

You glance back over at King Dedede, who's still standing there doing absolutely nothing.

Hm...give up on your plan, or upset the "temperamental edgelord"? That's an easy decision to make. You start to step off the brake, but Meta Knight just presses his sword harder against your throat. "Do. Not. Move."

Somehow he's scarier than Galacta Knight. Even so, your loyalty to King Dedede outweighs your fear. You were all set to drive on ahead anyway, but the radio catches your attention. Wait, what? They only played the beginning of Party Rock? How lame.

"Come, Kirby." Meta Knight starts to sheathe his sword as he gestures for Kirby to follow him. Kirby tries to unbuckle the seatbelt, but struggles with it. Instead of trying to keep doing that, he just flattens himself and wiggles out of the seatbelt. What? How did he-?

Kirby hops up over your windshield and stands next to his mentor. Seems the two of them are leaving to go head over to Dedede.

Meanwhile, as that happened, the radio host talked about Daft Punk splitting up, and said that for the next 24 hours, this station will be playing one of their songs as a homage. One song for 24 hours? Weird. You're about to shrug it off, before the radio host goes on.

"Finally, I can leave this studio. I've been here for days. I get to go have lunch with the sales guy now. Our boss is out, otherwise I'd probably still have to stay here. I think he said something about having to go destroy a planet." As he rambles, his voice starts to grow more distant, as if he is walking away. Then, his voice suddenly comes back again, loud and clear. "I don't know, I'm just the NME Radio Guy. Anyway, this is uh...radio guy, signing off."

NME Radio Guy? You stare at the radio, a bit shocked.

Meta Knight seems to mirror your shock, judging by the way his eyes flickered white.

Oh no, this is a bit of a bad situation. Before you can attempt to explain yourself, Meta Knight's got his sword in your face. "You work for Nightmare Enterprises! He's on his way to destroy Popstar right now, isn't he?!"

"No I do not-" you start to defend yourself, but Magolor talks over you. "Is that Robot Rock? I haven't heard that song for a while," he remarks.

You gulp as Meta Knight glances from Magolor to the radio, and then at you again. "So you were sent here by Haltmann Works as well?" He accuses.

"No!" You exclaim, a bit annoyed.

He probably would have interrogated you more, but a sudden exclamation from King Dedede gathers the attention of everyone in the room. "What the heck is goin' on here?!"

"The party rockers have arrived," Magolor giggles a bit.

"It's 'party rock is'," Marx reminds him, which makes Magolor look down sadly at the ground.

"I don't care about the party rockers!" King Dedede snaps. "I just wanna know what's goin' on!"

"I'll tell you what's going on." Meta Knight hops off of your car and goes over to Dedede, dragging Kirby along with him. "That person is a traitor to Dreamland! Not only did they endanger our lives by attempting to run us over, they were sent here by Nightmare Enterprises and Haltmann Works!"

"No I wasn't!" You shout over at them, annoyed.

"Silence, traitor!" Meta Knight snaps, glaring over at you.

You sigh and shake your head.

King Dedede's standing there with a blank look again, being completely silent. Bandana Dee, who's still being held by him, reaches up to tap at him.

"You must do something, Dedede," Meta Knight prods when the king continues to stand there. "This is a matter of Dreamland's safety. They must be banished or imprisoned, at the least-"

"Banished? Imprisoned?" Galacta Knight interrupts with a scoff. "Have you gone soft, Meta? We need to gut them alive!"

Meta Knight gives him a bit of a side glare for a moment. "...Not in front of Kirby," is all he says.

"Poyo?" Kirby asks, stepping towards you before Meta Knight pulls him back. "It's nothing to concern yourself with, Kirby. Let the adults handle this."

King Dedede finally comes back to earth (Popstar, if you want to be technical). He blinks a few times before staring at you. "Is that true?"

"No! Of course not!" You insist. King Dedede starts to narrow his eyes, and you begin to panic. How do you prove your loyalty?

Your gaze falls on Kirby, who's looking nervously at you from behind his mentor's cape.

"I tried to bring Kirby to you, as you requested," you begin, pointing at Kirby. "But he took him!" You point at Meta Knight, who narrows his eyes in a warning glare.

The best way to prove your loyalty is by throwing someone else under the bus, right? Yes, totally. "And not just that, but he's been training Kirby to fight! Why, he's - he's been going behind your back, Your Majesty!"

That must have quickly struck a nerve, seeing as Meta Knight started reaching for his sword while you were talking, his eyes slowly shifting to red. Before he can follow through with his desire to painfully end your life, King Dedede interrupts.

"WHAT?!" The king looks baffled, blinking a few times before staring down at the borb that's ready to go on a murder spree. "You've been training that there Kirbeh?!"

"This has nothing to do with you, Dedede," Meta Knight responds curtly, still giving you a death glare.

"What - it has everythin' to do with me!" King Dedede snaps. "You're literally trainin' him to go against me!" He crosses his arms, which almost makes Bandana Dee fall. "Is that why you spend so much time around Kirby? I thought you just decided to adopt him, or something!"

"Meta Knight adopting a child? Oh, that is rich," Galacta Knight laughs in the background. "That man doesn't even have the patience to operate a toaster."

Ignoring Galacta Knight's remark, Meta Knight directs his glare up towards Dedede. "I am training him to fight Nightmare." His voice is stiff, as if he's trying to control himself from having an outburst.

"That's my main source of business!" King Dedede shouts, throwing his arms up. In doing so, he accidentally drops Bandana Dee. Realizing that, he quickly picks the Waddle Dee up again, patting his head before setting him down gently. "No Nightmare means no more monsters to clobber that there Kirbeh!"

Seemingly forgetting about you for the time being, Meta Knight turns to point his sword at Dedede. "Have you ever considered that you are part of the problem here?"

"ME?!" King Dedede stares for a moment, stuttering. "I - you - what - NO!" He growls. "I'm not the one that made a warship and tried to take over Dreamland, am I?!"

"That is irrelevant."

"I think it's really relevant!"

"It's about as relevant as you stealing all the food in Dreamland on more than one occasion. Oh, wait a minute..."

"HEY!"

You roll your eyes as the two of them continue bickering. Judging by Kirby's bored and slightly-annoyed expression, this is something that happens a lot.

As you look away from them, you're surprised to see that Magolor, Marx, Bandana Dee, Taranza, and Axe Knight are all looking under your car. They seem concerned.

"Is he dead?" Axe Knight asks, poking at something underneath your car that you can't see.

"He doesn't look too good..." Magolor remarks, looking concerned. Marx nods in agreement.

Taranza doesn't say anything, but his expression is somewhere between horrified and terrified as he stares underneath your car.

"Do we, do we have a medic? A doctor? Or a-anyone that can help?" Bandana Dee asks, nervously looking around the room.

"Don't think a doctor will help him at this point, kid," Axe Knight responds.

"You mean...no, no, he can't be...is he dead?! Oh, no," Bandana Dee frets, nervously fidgeting before turning and running over to King Dedede. "Y-Your Majesty!" He says, tugging on the king's robe.

"In a minute, Bandee." King Dedede waves dismissively before continuing the petty argument him and Meta Knight are still having.

You tilt your head in confusion. Who's dead? Everyone you brought here is alive. Did Daroach not go flying over your car after all? Had he somehow gotten caught underneath it and died? If that's the case, why is everyone so upset? It was just Daroach.

The ones that're still in front of your car stand there silently for a moment, glancing amongst each other. When it seems that no one else is going to speak up, Axe Knight looks over at Meta. "Hey Meta Knight, we've got a dead body over here!" He calls.

Meta Knight just closes his eyes, clearly taking a moment to compose himself before he answers. When he does finally glance over, his eyes are narrowed, and still glowing red. "What do you mean there is a dead body? Did you kill someone again-" He cuts himself off as his gaze falls onto whatever (or whoever) is under your car. Instantly his eyes widen, and they turn yellow again.

King Dedede, confused, follows his gaze. When he sees what's lying there, his eyes widen in horror and disbelief.

"Escargoon!"

⁌7⁍ ✿ Dededepression (AKA A Wacky Funeral, Part 1) ✿

You had fully expected to be murdered right then and there. Not only had you crashed into Dedede's castle and brought a bunch of uninvited guests, but you'd run over the king's advisor, and now he's dead. Your plan had not gone well. How would you ever win Dedede's heart now?

You were probably going to wind up getting stabbed in the liver or crushed by a hammer. Oh well, at least you wouldn't have to live with the pain of hurting Dedede.

But you survived, and did not get clobbered or stabbed.

It seemed the king was far too emotional to even so much as yell at you, let alone clobber you to death. Instead, he had started to cry, and then ran out of the room sobbing. Meta Knight followed him, as did Kirby and Bandana Dee.

Once they were gone, you had slowly climbed out of your car. You still weren't sure what your fate would be. But nobody came rushing in to attack you.

Escargoon most certainly was dead, and it wasn't a very pretty sight underneath your car.

"Even I could drive better than that," Axe Knight had remarked a bit pointedly, giving you a side glare. "And I almost crashed a warship into the ocean."

At some point, Galacta Knight awkwardly left, as did Magolor, Marx, and Taranza. That just left you and Axe.

It was pretty awkward. You were both silent, not saying a word to each other. It took him 7 minutes to get his axe out of your car, and once he finally did, he wasted no time in going after where Meta and the others had gone.

From there, you had quietly followed, wanting to try and apologize to Dedede. Was it too late for that? Probably. But you couldn't bear knowing you had killed the king's advisor, and were responsible for all this grief weighing on the king.

Unfortunately, you weren't able to pick up on much besides Dedede's sobbing. At one point, he wailed something incomprehensible and stomped off down a hallway.

While you were standing there debating on if you should follow him or leave the castle, Meta Knight appeared out of seemingly nowhere. You had immediately flinched, expecting him to attack you, but he had just walked right on past as if you weren't even there. Kirby was hopping along behind him, followed by Bandana Dee at a slower and more nervous pace.

You had to make things right. You'd called out to Meta Knight, who had sighed before ushering the younger two on ahead. Once they were gone, he had addressed you. You explained to him how sorry you felt, and how you only wanted to make Dedede happy, and if there was anything you could do to make it up to the king.

"Only now you are feeling remorse? Fine then, why don't you make the funeral arrangements for tonight. You go find someone to speak at it—I've enough things to do, thanks to you."

That was...basically what he had said, except his words were a lot more rude, accusatory and curse-filled. At least he'd gotten his point across, though.

So you had to find someone to speak at Escargoon's funeral. And where was the best place to find someone who could do that?

Dunkin Donuts.

You went to the popular donut and coffee place, and it was there you had found him. A light brown, feathered biped with a white captain's uniform, shouting at the poor Waddle Dee behind the counter because his donut didn't have enough blueberries in it.

For the low price of 20 dollars and your Gameboy Advance, you had a funeral speaker.

It's now nighttime, and the funeral is starting. King Dedede is sitting near the front, wearing a black veil over his face for some reason as he alternates between weeping and sobbing. Meta Knight's next to him, standing on top of a chair. Even at funerals, it would seem his height complex never rests.

Kirby and Bandana Dee are there too of course. Bandana Dee is sitting on Dedede's other side, while Kirby is sitting in the chair that Meta Knight's standing on. Weird.

Not as weird as Galacta Knight standing by the bowl of fruit punch though. Whenever anyone gets too close, he takes out his lance and makes threatening gestures. You make a mental note to yourself to not try and take Galacta's precious fruit punch.

You probably should have known better than to put Magolor in charge of the music. Anyway, hope you like Minecraft music, because that's what he put on.

You're surprised by how many people have shown up for Escargoon's funeral, especially with it being just a few hours after he died. Sure, he was pretty respected as the king's advisor, as most thought he was the one who "kept Dedede in check", but you didn't expect to find, like, half the population of Dreamland here.

Sword and Blade are the only other knights there, probably because they live in the castle, and are thus more acquainted with Escargoon. There's also plenty of random Cappies and Waddle Dees, and that one Waddle Doo. There's also some of the sub-boss guys, like Mr. Frosty, Chef Kawasaki, Bugsy, Bonkers, and so on.

There's also Magolor and Marx. They're in the corner of the room, occasionally whispering something to each other. They're gonna try and pull some sort of prank, aren't they? You sigh and shake your head.

Even Dyna Blade showed up. How did she fit in the castle? It's a mystery.

Kracko and Kracko Jr. are also there, but they're just hovering outside the window and watching. So apparently a giant bird is fine, but two clouds have to stay outside. Then again, this is Dreamland, isn't it. Questioning everything will only give you headaches.

You glance around from where you're sitting on a bench near King Dedede, wondering when the speaker you hired will arrive. He better not have taken the 20 bucks and Gameboy just to turn around and ditch the funeral!

You notice that Taranza's here too. He's currently patting Dedede on the back, assuring him that the pain will lessen overtime. Despite his uplifting words and reassuring smile, you can tell by his eyes that he's definitely still hurting from Sectonia's death. Poor spider.

You look up as the guy you hired finally arrives.

"Sorry I'm late!" He announces, stepping up onto the small platform at the front of the room. "I just flew in from Kabu Canyon, and boy are my arms tired!" He laughs before his expression becomes more serious. "Really, though. My cousin was having some problems with his roommate...she's dead now, but it had nothing to do with me, I promise."

As the funeral guests just stare at him in stunned silence, you suddenly hear a voice from behind you, and jolt in surprise. "When I told you to find someone to speak at the funeral, I was under the impression you would find someone more...stable, not Captain Vul."

You turn around to find Meta Knight standing on the bench you're sitting on. How did he even—? Does he just teleport or something?

Captain Vul? Isn't Meta Knight friends with him? You give the knight a confused look. "He's your friend, though, isn't he? You fly the Halberd with him."

"Acquaintance," Meta Knight corrects, and you resist the urge to roll your eyes, Right, he only has "acquaintances", not friends. "And that does not mean he is an appropriate funeral speaker."

Hm...yeah, you guess maybe flying warships and speaking at funerals don't go too well together. Oh well, too late to find someone else now.

Some Waddle Dees start to bring in the coffin, which is standing vertically for some reason.

Captain Vul looks around the room. "Everyone's wearing black? I have to say, that's a strange wedding color, but I'm not here to judge."

Wedding colors? What? You blink a couple times, making sure you heard him right.

"Anyway, we're gathered here today to join two lovers in marriage."

You and Meta Knight exchange a glance.

Oh no.

The coffin is brought up to the stand, still positioned vertically. Captain Vul gestures for King Dedede to come up. The king is clearly confused, but he does slowly get up and goes to stand next to the coffin.

As he does, Captain Vul reaches into one of his pockets and pulls out a bunch of cue cards. "Today, we are joining King Dedede and..." He blinks, looking as if he's rereading the card a few times. "Escargoon Dedede in marriage, until death or divorce does them apart. The same last name? We're in Dreamland, not Alabama!" He bursts into laughter at his own joke, only to stop laughing when he catches the glare Meta Knight's giving him.

"Oh, you all want a more serious wedding, alright. I get it." Vul rips up the rest of the cards he's holding, while everyone else in the room just stares at him in utter horror and disbelief.

"You wrote your own vows, I take it?" He asks, glancing at the king as he continues to rip up the cards.

King Dedede shakes his head. "N-No...uh...was I supposed to..?"

Captain Vul shrugs, tossing the ripped up cue cards over his shoulder and leaving them all over the ground. How rude. "Well, it's your wedding."

"W-What—"

"From a flying avian to a flightless one," Vul interrupts, tipping his captain's hat. "You may now kiss the br—Er, the groom. The other groom." He smiles a little nervously as he adjusts his cap.

"B-But...but..." King Dedede trails off.

Seeing as Dedede isn't in much of a state to talk for himself, Meta Knight hops off the bench and goes over to the two of them. "I believe there's been a major miscommunication," he states quietly.

"I believe there's been no miscommunication," Captain Vul retorts a bit loudly, crossing his arms (wings, whatever). "I'll bet you're jealous of my wedding hosting skills, aren't you, Meta Knight?"

Meta Knight's first response is to sigh and bury his face into his gloved hand. He is clearly quite exasperated. "That is the thing, Vul. This is not a wedding. It is a fune—"

"Hey, what's this guy's problem?" Vul talks over him as he looks over at the casket. "He hasn't said anything all night!" Before anyone can stop him, he kicks the side of the casket. The impact makes it swing open, and Escargoon's dead body falls out, landing onto the floor with a thud.

Captain Vul gives a surprised squawk upon seeing the dead body. Meta Knight flinches back, his eyes turning white. King Dedede, along with most of the room's occupants, gasps in shock and horror. You yourself are frozen to your seat, staring with wide, disbelieving eyes.

It seems as if Dedede's about to try and say something, but he chokes up. After a moment or two, he runs out of the room sobbing.

Captain Vul watches him run out, his gaze somewhat absent. He looks from the doorway to you, then to the casket and the dead Escargoon, and then at Meta Knight's white eyes. He looks back and forth between these things for what feels like several minutes.

"...This wasn't a wedding, was it?" He finally realizes. "Oops. Er..." He glances at Meta Knight again, who's apparently still speechless.

The room is eerily silent.

"...Well, uh." Vul awkwardly steps away from the mortifying scene he just created. "I've got a plane to catch. Meta Knight if you need me I'll be on extended vacation again. And if the IRS shows up, tell them I was never here!" He ends his exclamation with a squawk as he runs for the nearest window and then jumps out of it, even though you're all on the top floor of the castle. Well...he's a bird, he's probably fine.

But everyone in this room definitely isn't fine. Looking around, you find them all to either look distraught, horrified, shocked, or in disbelief. The only one who doesn't seem to be affected at all is Galacta Knight, but then again, he's Galacta. The only thing he's concerned about right now is the fruit punch.

It is then that Magolor decides to try and save the funeral, although it probably would have been better if he didn't. He floats over onto the small platform, where there's still a speechless Meta Knight and the dead Escargoon. "Hey guys, don't be so alarmed! Turn those horrified faces into happy faces!"

"...Magolor, please." Meta Knight finally speaks as the color starts to return in his eyes. Once they're a full yellow again, he directs his gaze at the Halcandran in question. "Just this once, Magolor, please do not."

Sadly, Magolor completely ignores him. "Let's liven up the place a little. Let's make it a FUN-eral!"

"Magolor—" Meta Knight tries to cut in when it's obvious he's being ignored.

Magolor doesn't acknowledge him. Instead, he goes over to the radio and shuts off the Minecraft music. He switches it to some pop/country instrumental instead, which makes Kirby wail in distress. Even the tone-deaf puffball doesn't like country music, apparently. Sheesh. Why does everyone hate country music?

"Magolor!" Meta Knight almost sounds as if he's pleading at this point.

Too late, Magolor's singing old Taylor Swift songs now.

You sigh and bury your face into your hands.

At least some Waddle Dees finally put Escargoon's body back in the coffin.

You glance around the room, wondering what everyone else's opinions on Magolor's performance are.

Meta Knight looks like he wants to kill everyone in this room and then himself.

Taranza is clearly in absolute shock and disbelief. He looks petrified, almost. Once again, poor spider.

Dyna Blade is making displeased bird noises.

Sword and Blade look somewhere between baffled and irritated. Likely they probably share the same grudge Meta Knight has against Magolor.

Kirby has his eyes closed, and is sitting stiffly with his nubs over his head. Very much "not like this"-esque.

Bandana Dee seems frozen to the spot. Like Taranza, he almost seems petrified. Maybe seeing a dead snail that had been brutally killed by a motor vehicle had something to do with that. At least it hadn't been a hit and run like you did to Daroach, though...hey, speaking of, he's not at the funeral, nor are any of the other Squeaks. Hm...wonder why.

Marx is the only one that's visibly approving of Magolor's performance. Of course he is.

Galacta Knight clearly can't care less about what's going on. If anything, he seems annoyed. Then again, much like Meta Knight, he always has that serious, intimidating and unamused look to him.

Everyone else in the room (and outside, you realize after seeing Kracko and Kracko Jr.'s expressions) is just staring in stunned silence.

You shift in your seat. To you, this is a bit awkward. Maybe you should go check on King Dedede? It seems like a good time to do so; slipping away for a few minutes will definitely be easy to do with the distraction Magolor's creating.

You start to slide off the bench, only to stop when you see Meta Knight move. You realize you've subconsciously grown a bit afraid of him. The constant appearing-out-of-nowhere and death threats certainly don't help. Not to mention he probably still thinks you work for NME and Haltmann, even though his claims have really no evidence.

You watch as he goes over and picks up Kirby, who poyos in protest, followed by Bandana Dee. Except he can't really carry both of them, so he puts Kirby on top of his head and carries Bandana Dee.

"Watch these two for a few minutes," Meta Knight says as he sets the two youngsters down by Sword and Blade. "I suppose I'll have to check on Dedede, since it seems as if no one else is going to."

Were Sword and Blade the best candidates to supervise two children at a funeral, you wonder as you watch Meta Knight leave the room. You personally thought that someone like Taranza may have been a better choice, but then you realize that Sword, Blade, Kirby, and Bandana Dee are probably the only four people in this room that Meta doesn't have some kind of grudge or vendetta against. Well then.

You continue to sit there awkwardly as Magolor goes on singing. He's certainly not the next big sensation, but it isn't unbearable either. At least it isn't Kirby singing. If that was the case, you'd probably be attending more than one funeral.

"Thank you, thank you." Magolor bows after he finishes, even though nobody was cheering or clapping in the first place. "You guys have any song suggestions? Come on, don't be shy."

Everyone just continues to stare in silence.

"Tough crowd," Magolor remarks, waving the microphone he's holding (wait, when and where did he get that?).

"Apple juice song," Bandana Dee whines from somewhere within the crowd of funeral guests, but it wasn't very loud, so Magolor probably didn't hear him.

Magolor blinks, staring at the crowd. "Well, I guess I'll move on to Selena Gomez And The Scene—" He starts to shrug, but you quickly interrupt him.

"Can you sing How You Remind Me by Nickelback?" You call loudly.

The blank look Magolor gives you for a few moments suggests the song doesn't come to him right away, but eventually recognition seems to flicker in his eyes. "You got it, random citizen," he replies, impersonating Metro Man for some reason as he points at you.

Magolor singing Nickelback is something that shouldn't have been brought upon this world, but you did it anyway.

You smile a bit as everyone else continues to sit there in confused, stunned silence, except Taranza—he just starts crying. There's also some distressed poyoing from Kirby, but you're not sure if it's because of Meta Knight leaving, Escargoon being dead, or Magolor singing. Any of them would suffice, probably. Or maybe all three of them.

What about King Dedede, though? You glance towards the doorway, then back at Magolor. Well, it's still a good time to slip away from the funeral. And the whole point of this story is winning Dedede's heart, not watching Magolor sing popular 2000s songs at a funeral. Maybe that can be a spin-off, though, if you're so inclined.

Anyway, you quietly sneak towards the doorway, and then run out into the hallway, the sound of Magolor's singing fading. "Are we having fun yet? Ye-ah, ye-ah, ye-ah, no, no..."

At first, you can't pick up on anything. No voices or unusual sounds. Then, above you, you can hear what sounds like someone...crawling? It gets closer, and then you hear a thud.

"Mace you bumbling idiot, watch it!"

"You watch it! You're really easy to trip over!"

You stare up at the ceiling as the noises keep heading on, eventually fading away. Welp, someone's up in the walls/ceiling/whatever, and it isn't really your problem. You shrug and keep walking.

Eventually, you can hear voices in the distance. It sounds like they're coming from the direction of the throne room, so that's where you begin to head.

As you arrive, you stop around the corner and listen.

"Have you forgotten who I am, Dedede?" There goes Meta Knight, being all angry again. What else is new.

"No, you're Meta Knight," King Dedede responds. There's a few seconds of awkward silence before the king goes on. "I mean, you're really the best candidate, and I know ya' don't have much else goin' on—"

"'Much else going on'?! Do you realize how busy I am? If you think I am going to be your new personal assistant, you are sorely mistaken."

New personal assistant? Was Dedede looking to replace Escargoon so soon?

"Oh yeah? Busy doing what?" Dedede retorts. "Standin' in high places, creepily watchin' people, or sitting around readin' books all day? Really, what else do ya' do besides that and wrapping that cape around yourself?"

You back away from where you're standing around the corner. While King Dedede has a point, it definitely takes some guts to actually say that to Meta Knight himself.

Even if you can't see them, you can imagine that accusation made Meta Knight twitch.

"I'll show you what I do!" You hear a weapon being drawn, and then King Dedede yelping out in fear. Your eyes widen in shock as you listen to the scene. Surely Meta Knight wouldn't attack Dedede...would he?

You hear King Dedede running off, followed by the sound of flapping wings. Once the noises have faded, you poke your head around the corner to find that the hallway is deserted.

Well...that situation had certainly escalated. While it was probably wise for you to give Dedede some space after you ran over his advisor, this isn't something you can ignore. Meta Knight's probably capable of doing some serious damage, after all.

You run down the hallway after them. With all the noise Dedede's making, it isn't too hard to follow them. Soon enough, you round another bend and find them.

King Dedede is backed up into a corner, his eyes wide. Meta Knight's standing in front of him, slowly getting closer, sword clenched tightly. You notice that Galaxia seems extra sizzly and sparky tonight.

You inhale deeply before calling out. "Hey, borb!"

Meta Knight slowly turns around to glare at you. His eyes are red, of course. "What did you just call me?"

"Bad. Orb." You glare back at him.

"...Come closer and say that."

"You come closer," you retort.

Meta Knight glares at you for another moment before turning back to Dedede, who backs further into the corner. "I have no time for meaningless arguments," he states, seeming to be addressing both of you.

"Oh, okay." King Dedede smiles nervously. "So, we're good, then? ...You'll start tomorrow?" That was definitely the wrong thing to say, and Dedede yelps as a sword beam is fired towards him. It hits the wall behind him instead, but it doesn't stop you from gasping.

You stiffen up, realizing you have to do something. Or...at the very least, you can't let Meta Knight terrorize the king like this.

Pushing aside any fear you may have had, you stomp over and pick up Meta Knight. You're much taller than him, after all.

He is infuriated by this, of course, and tries to swing at you. Before he can get any good hits in, though, you dropkick Meta Knight down the hallway.

The Strongest Swordsman lands on the stone floor with a thud, seeming stunned. Instead of running back over to try and kill you, he just...sits there with a blank look. He must've never been dropkicked before, or at least not in such a dismissive way.

You turn back to King Dedede, who is still in the corner. He's staring up at you, looking a bit scared and impressed at the same time. "Y-You...you saved me," he says.

"Of course," you reply. "You are my king, after all."

King Dedede blinks a couple times before smiling at you.

You smile back, then look towards the ground.

It quickly becomes awkward.

"...I shoulda known better than to ask Meta Knight to be my assistant," King Dedede admits, probably talking just to divert some of the awkwardness of the situation. "He's never taken kindly to being ordered around..." The king sighs, looking down. "Escargoon did, though. He was a great assistant...lookin' back, I really regret all those times I used him as a punching bag."

You remain silent, shifting nervously as the guilt sets in again.

King Dedede sits up suddenly, making you jolt. And it doesn't help when you see that his eyes are narrowed. "And it's your fault that he's gone!"

"I-I'm sorry—" You stumble over the words.

The king continues to glare at you for a few moments. Then, suddenly, a lightbulb seems to go off over his head. Blinking a couple times, a devious smirk starts to form on his face. "Which means I need a new assistant...and considerin' it's your fault Escargoon's gone, I think you'd be a decent replacement."

You? The king's new advisor? You stare at him, unable to come up with any words.

"You start tonight," King Dedede declares as he stands up, looking like the great king of Dreamland that he is. He then raises an eyebrow. "Unless, of course, you'd rather I let Meta Knight take care of you."

You turn around to find said knight standing there. If looks could kill, you'd be in the morgue right now.

You turn back to King Dedede. You becoming the new advisor..? He's treating it like it's supposed to be a punishment. But to you, it's a dream come true.

"Of course I'll be your advisor, Your Majesty." You nod feverishly.

"Good." King Dedede nods. "Now, your first step as my assistant is to...go get me a jelly filled donut!" He decides, dismissing you with a wave.

A jelly filled donut...where are you even supposed to get that? Dunkin Donuts is closed now!

Well, luckily, it would seem you don't have to worry about that right now, as the focus is brought back to something more important.

"We should get back to the funeral." Meta Knight's already walking away as he sheathes his sword. "We owe it to Escargoon."

"Yeah, you're right..." King Dedede trails off a bit before following him.

You're not sure if you were included in that "we", but you follow them anyway. When Dedede doesn't yell at you or remind you about the donut, you suppose you're meant to return to the funeral as well.

After approximately 3.4 seconds of walking, Meta Knight flies on ahead, leaving you and King Dedede. Is he giving you a chance to talk to Dedede alone? Or did he just want to get away from you two? ...Probably the latter.

"Well, anyways..." King Dedede trails off for a moment, appearing to be thinking before he goes on. "As my assistant, it's your job to, uh...be my assistant. Which basically means whatever I don't feel like doin', you'll take care of. Like, if I want a donut, or I want ya' to fill out tax stuff. Or...gettin' the mail for me, readin' stuff to me, uhhh...sendin' mail for me, sortin' the mail...ya' like mail?" You're not sure if a Barry B. Benson impression was intended, but it certainly came across that way.

"Too bad, you're dealin' with it anyway, whether ya' like it or not. And I'm gonna need ya' to do all the paperwork, cause I uh, I can't read very well. And even if I could, I don't wanna do paperwork. It's too boring. Ya' know what isn't boring, though? Handlin' my emails and video conferences!" He laughs a bit before an uncertain expression takes over his face. "Oh, wait...I guess that's still pretty boring..." The king looks down a bit, rubbing his chin as he appears to be thinking.

"Well, we talk to a lot of other nations outside Dreamland, like uh...there's the Mushroom Kingdom—we're partnered with their hotel services!" Dedede exclaims, smiling and pointing up for no apparent reason. "And there's also NME, they're great for business, even though Meta Knight thinks they're...what were those big words he used...'a manifestation of hell itself'? Whatever that means, bwahaha!" The king briefly stops walking as he bursts into laughter at his own words.

While he continues to laugh, you go over the tasks he's listed out for you so far. Despite how utterly boring and menial they are, you can't wait to get started. To think you will be helping the king with his day to day life! Surely you can easily win his heart over by filing his taxes.

King Dedede wheezes and wipes a tear from his eye, even though what he said wasn't that funny in the first place (but it is to you, of course, since Dedede is perfect in your eyes). "Yeah...so we got NME and the Mushroom Kingdom as our main contacts. We've also exchanged letters with this place called Hyrule—which is really behind technologically, heheh—and we've gotten emails from The Nowhere Islands and Eagleland...there was some weird stuff goin' on there, but we've got enough problems here in Dreamland with someone tryna take over every other week, so we just ignored them, haha!" He briefly pauses to laugh again.

"Also, uh...what else...oh, we get letters personally delivered to us by a wyvern from a place called Archanea. We're friendly with them...I think. And we've exchanged letters with a country called Donkey Kong; they really like bananas over there. And sometimes we get vaguely menacin' letters from a drunk squirrel that threatens us with a frying pan." The king claps his mittened hands together. "Yep, we're a thriving nation!"

"Of course, because you're our king," you point out.

"Exactly!" King Dedede responds pompously. He takes your compliment as a fact, of course.

But you don't mind. Because in your eyes, it is a fact.

Smiling, you both return to the funeral room in a comfortable silence. Because walking into a funeral room with a smile on your face isn't strange at all.

⁌8⁍ ✿ Dededistractions, A Battle, And An Abduction (A Wacky Funeral, Part 2) ✿

The two of you return to the funeral room. As you enter, you're greeted by the sound of Magolor singing Photograph. Except he clearly doesn't know the lyrics, seeing as every other line he's singing is "look at this photograph".

You shut your eyes and sigh to yourself, exasperated, even though it's probably, technically your fault Magolor's singing that song.

"Look at this photograph, should I look at this photograph? Life's better now than a photograph. If I was them I'd look at photographs."

You follow after King Dedede. He returns to the seat he was sitting in earlier, while you sit in Bandana Dee's empty seat. You look over to see that the other chair next to Dedede is empty as well.

After looking around the room, you see that Meta Knight's over with Blade and Sword, who still have Kirby and Bandana Dee.

You shrug and turn back around, facing forward as most people usually do at funerals.

"Every memory of looking at this photo, I found the photo of the photo I was looking for. Look at this photo, at this photoooo...Good BYYYEYE, GOOD BYYYYEYYYEEE!"

You're really starting to regret giving Magolor a song suggestion, but it's far too late to take it back now. Once again, you remind yourself that it could be worse. Kirby isn't the one providing the musical entertainment, and for that, you are grateful.

Looking around, it would seem that others aren't, though. How rude. Almost as rude as Captain Vul ripping up a bunch of paper and leaving it all over the floor earlier.

You tilt your head a bit as you start to pick up on another song playing. It's very distant, to the point you wonder if you're imagining it, but...it sounds like a low-pitched, slightly distorted version of All Star.

Surely it's nothing. You turn your focus back to the small platform at the front of the room just in time to witness Meta Knight rudely shoving Magolor off. Getting the hint, Magolor huffs and floats on over towards Marx, muttering something about "everyone being a critic".

"Escargoon was well respected by us all," Meta Knight begins, and you guess he's the one apparently giving the eulogy. It makes sense, though, when you think about it. The only other good option probably would've been Dedede, and considering how he acted earlier when Captain Vul thought this was a wedding, the king probably doesn't know a lot about funerals.

Even if he did, he's not the most eloquent with words (but for you, that just adds to his charm! For some reason! Yay Dedede!) Maybe it's because his language is more clear and to-the-point? How, unlike Meta Knight, he doesn't use big fancy words or talk in a "mature" manner? Or maybe you just really, really like his southern accent.

"In his life, he did a lot for not only King Dedede, but for Dreamland. What I'm sure many don't realize is that Escargoon was what stood between us and the king's rash, unrepentant decisions. If it weren't for him, I reckon we would have suffered the consequences of many more foolish injunctions." Meta Knight gives a bit of a pointed glance towards Dedede, and you're surprised to see the king guiltily nod in agreement.

"Escargoon's life was taken too soon, merely hours ago. He was killed in a very foolish, unreasonable, entirely preventable accident." Now you're the one getting the pointed glance. Instead of guiltily nodding in agreement, though, you just smile and wave at Meta Knight, which makes his eye twitch.

He shakes his head and turns away from you, continuing in his speech. "We shouldn't be gathered here today, though we are. What happened today is a tragedy, and there is one individual to blame for that. That can be addressed later. What matters now is honoring Escargoon; ensuring he has a proper funeral, and is laid to rest."

And of course, in comical fashion, right after he finished speaking those words, Axe Knight and Mace Knight fell through the ceiling and landed on the coffin.

While Meta Knight doesn't turn to address them, the narrowed eyes suggest he's definitely aware of their presence. "...And if Escargoon were here to see this, I'm sure he would be displeased with many of you," he practically mutters before turning to go over and take care of the idiots. What a way to end a eulogy.

King Dedede must've been moved to tears by the speech, seeing as he's crying again. You start reaching to pat his shoulder, but then think better of it, and instead keep your hands in your lap.

Axe Knight taps on the coffin, then looks up at Mace Knight. "Hey Mace, you wanna see a dead body?"

"What? No!" Mace Knight looks a bit...scared? Nervous?

"What in the name of Popstar were you halfwits doing up there?" Meta Knight questions firmly, clearly unhappy with the interruption. Mace Knight flinches at his words, while Axe Knight just stares blankly.

"Sir," Mace Knight begins, making a gesture with his hands to indicate something round, it seems. "Big Chungus."

"...Elaborate."

"Sword Knight said Big Chungus was living in the walls!" Axe Knight cuts in.

"I did not!" Sword Knight exclaims indignantly, standing up. "I claimed no such thing!" He huffs. With how overly defensive he's acting, though, you have a feeling he's lying just to save face.

"Yes you—!"

"Whatever this 'Big Chungus' thing is," Meta Knight interrupts, fixing the two in front of him with a glare. "It is no reason to interrupt a funeral."

"We're sorry, Lord Meta Knight!" Mace Knight quickly apologizes, still seeming quite nervous. Meanwhile, Axe Knight is just looking around the room. "This is a funeral?" He asks densely.

Ignoring him, Meta Knight had turned around and started to walk away, but Mace Knight quickly runs after him and calls his name. "We saw something when we were up there," he starts to explain when Meta Knight turns around to look at him. "We were on the roof of the castle, and we could see someone. Someone really big. He was green, and it looked like he was headed straight towards the castle!"

"Don't forget the music," Axe Knight adds, not seeming very concerned as he looks over at the two of them. "I'm pretty sure that weird version of All Star was coming from him."

You're surprised to see a flicker of alarm in the older knight's gaze. Instead of responding to either of the two, he turns to look over at Galacta Knight, who returns his stare with an equally as alarmed expression.

While they're busy staring silently at each other (whatever that's about), Marx tries to get a sip of the fruit punch. Galacta Knight notices him, though. He grabs the bowl of fruit punch and dumps it on Marx's head, throwing the empty bowl on top of him afterwards. Leaving a stunned Marx sitting in a puddle of fruit punch with a bowl on his head, Galacta Knight flies over to where Meta Knight is with his two underlings.

They're talking quietly enough to the point you can't hear them, but it seems to be a serious discussion. You briefly wonder what exactly is going on. Who could be coming to the castle, and why are they acting like it's a threat?

"I did warn them!" Galacta Knight's voice becomes a bit louder, and he sounds indignant. "More than once, in fact. They refused to listen, and it certainly didn't help that I had one of your underlings pestering me the entire time!"

"I'll cut off your other horn if you call me a pest again," Axe Knight threatens, holding up his axe as he steps closer.

"Axe Knight," Meta Knight warns, and the smaller knight backs off, looking a bit sheepish now.

The sound of All Star is definitely able to be heard now, which confirms you weren't imagining it. It's muffled, lower-pitched than it should be, and a bit distorted. But it is still unmistakably All Star.

You notice the two older knights exchange another glance. "As I said, the individual will be dealt with later, at a more appropriate time. Right now we need to focus on combatting this threat." Meta Knight unsheathes his weapon and starts to head for the doorway, as does Galacta Knight.

Where are they going? Is the person that's coming here even a threat, or are those two just itching to fight something besides each other?

You notice that the sound of All Star has grown even louder, as if it's coming from the walls itself. You blink in surprise. What's going on?!

Your question is soon answered when bright moonlight shines from above. You look up, and gasp when you find that the roof is gone. Everyone else at the funeral reacts similarly.

Then, you see it. You see him.

Towering over the castle, with the roof in his hand, is none other than Shrek the Ogre.

Shrek smiles down at everyone inside and waves with his free hand. "Aye, laddehs!" He calls, the offkey All Star continuing to radiate from him.

Everyone stares up at the giant ogre in stunned silence, except Dyna Blade—she just angrily screeches at him.

Shrek gives her a confused look, but before he can speak, Meta and Galacta are flying up to attack him. At first, Shrek just swats them away as if they're annoying flies. After getting hit with a tornado and some fire, though, the ogre becomes irritated. "Oh come on now, that's not very nice!"

Of course, the two ignore his complaint and continue to do what they're best at: fighting.

"Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now." Shrek keeps trying to swat them away, but of course, neither of them will ever back down from a fight.

"What the heck?!" King Dedede shouts, sounding terrified. "What is that?!" He points up at Shrek.

"What the heck?" Shrek echoes. Then, he smiles. "Pudding Shrek!"

King Dedede is clearly having none of that, seeing as he quickly runs through the crowd of funeral guests and picks up Kirby. The pink puffball poyos in confusion.

"SUPER LAME KIRBY ATTACK!" Dedede chucks Kirby up at Shrek.

The unfortunate puffball hits Shrek in the face, giving a high-pitched "oof!" as he does.

Meta Knight looks absolutely infuriated. "Why are you throwing my apprentice at one of the most dangerous things Dreamland has faced?!"

"B-Because Kirby always saves the day," King Dedede replies meekly, pressing his fingertips together...mittentips, whatever.

"He's not a crystal gem," Magolor points out flatly.

"What's the deal with this little fellow?" Shrek asks absently, holding his hand up to his face. You notice that Kirby's sitting in his hand, and looks very confused and overwhelmed. "Aw, well aren't you cute. I might have to take ye' home to show Fiona and the kids."

It seems as if every single person that's present there stiffens up. And then everyone's attacking Shrek.

Meta Knight literally stabs Shrek in one of his arteries. Ouch.

King Dedede throws his hammer at Shrek's face, probably giving him a black eye, or breaking his nose. Or both.

While Taranza isn't directly attacking, you notice him grabbing others who can't fly so he can bring them up to Shrek. Thanks to him, Bandana Dee, Sword, Blade, Mace, Kawasaki, Bonkers, and Mr. Frosty are all able to aid in beating up the giant Shrek.

Kracko and Kracko Jr. are floating above to repeatedly zap Shrek with their lightning.

Dyna Blade's just pecking his head, but with how big of a bird she is, it's gotta hurt.

Marx is in his soul form, because he can apparently do that at will, and is raining spikes on the struggling ogre.

And then there's you, being lame, sitting there and watching it all happen. You briefly look around the room, expecting to find it deserted besides the random Waddle Dees and Cappies, but you notice Axe Knight's sitting in the corner, reading a Batman comic book.

What a jerk. Even if you're not doing anything either, well...

As you look back up at everyone going full-out attack mode on Shrek, you notice Galacta Knight isn't doing anything either. He's simply vibing in the sky, letting everyone else do all the work.

"Can't we just settle this over a pint?" Shrek asks, holding his hand up to block some spikes as he ducks to avoid another zap of lightning.

Magolor opens up a rift to throw a miniature version of his ship at Shrek, and it hits him right in the stomach.

"...Okay, I guess not..." Shrek wheezes, slumping down. He suddenly drops Kirby as he starts to fall.

The puffball begins to fall right in front of Galacta Knight, who just watches it happen with a neutral expression.

Since Galacta Knight couldn't be bothered to even try and catch him, Kirby continues to fall. You notice that he's about to land in front of King Dedede, who had at some point gotten his Brand New Dedede Hammer and is now shooting missiles at Shrek.

You stand up and start to head over to where Dedede is, preparing to catch Kirby. You're too slow, though, and Meta Knight swoops down to catch him about a meter away from the floor.

"He fell right in front of you, Galacta!" Meta Knight snaps, glaring up at said pink knight after he's ensured Kirby is safe.

"Your apprentice, not mine." Galacta Knight shrugs uncaringly.

Meta Knight continues to glare at him as he sets Kirby down on the ground.

"Uh, Meta," King Dedede cuts in, glancing over at him. "Kirby doesn't take fall damage, y'know. None of us do."

"I don't care!" Meta Knight snaps, being the angry borb everyone knows and loves. "And of course I knew that—I am Meta Knight, I know everything!" With that, he angrily flies up into the sky again, quelling his anger with some more Shrek-stabbing as he leaves a very confused Kirby sitting on the floor.

You mentally think of several—no, many times that Meta Knight's statement has been proven false, but now isn't really the time or place to point that out.

"Oh, alright now!" Shrek calls loudly. As the ogre rises to stand, you notice that he looks annoyed. "Playtime is ogre!" He takes a more defensive stance. Marx starts to fly closer, but Shrek just punches him out of the sky.

Shrek stands up straight, hands on his hips as he tilts his head a bit and does the Dreamworks face. "This is the part where you run away," he whispers, winking.

Right as he does, the All Star abruptly ends, and is replaced by...well, it's the instrumental of American Idiot, but the vocals of Bad Reputation. Make what you will of that.

And then the Shrekoning commences.

Shrek launches himself upwards into the sky, and then he lands with a loud crash inside the open castle. Of course, Meta Knight's the first to try and attack him again. Unfortunately for him, though, Shrek just grabs him out of the sky. As great of a warrior as he may be, he's no match for the giant, battle-ready Shrek.

Shrek turns and pulls his arm back, clearly getting ready to throw the unfortunate knight off like a baseball. Before he's thrown, Meta Knight tosses his sword down to Kirby, who jumps up to catch it. Not a moment later, Meta Knight is then yeeted off into the sky, shouting curses and obscenities the whole way.

You hear King Dedede gasp, and look over to see him covering Kirby's ears (or, where they would be if he had any). Kirby only looks slightly confused, if anything.

Shrek's laughing loudly, looking quite pleased with himself. "HA HA HA—Ah, ow!" The giant ogre is now standing on one leg, a pained expression taking over his previous happy one.

You soon find the cause of Shrek's agony. It's Axe Knight.

It would appear he drove his axe right into Shrek's kneecap, and now he's just hanging there. Despite the apparent success of his attack, his expression seems to say "I have made a big mistake".

"Alright little laddeh, off ye' go now." Shrek attempts to pull Axe Knight off, but it would appear he's burrowed in there like a tick.

"Oh! Ow!" Shrek shouts angrily. He attempts to pull him out again, then gives up. "Oh, fine! Stay there!"

"'Ight," Axe Knight responds nonchalantly, even if his expression says otherwise.

Shrek then turns to grab the next nearest person, who happens to be Marx. Magolor tries to save him, it seems, but Shrek just grabs him too. Standing (barely) with Marx clenched in one hand and Magolor in the other, Shrek then brings his fists together, bonking both of their heads against each other's. He then drops them into the castle. They both fall onto the floor, seeming quite dizzy and stunned. Of course, Shrek just continues to laugh.

He isn't laughing for long, though, as he soon gets a mace in the back of the head. "Oh COME ON, NOW!" He whips around to glare at who's responsible for that hit, but it would seem Mace Knight's got his weapon stuck in Shrek too. So when Shrek turns around, Mace Knight's just kinda hanging off the back of his head. Like Axe Knight, he seems to realize that he might have made a big mistake.

Galacta Knight finally does something. Or...tries to do something, at least. It would seem even the self-proclaimed Greatest Warrior in the Galaxy couldn't take on Shrek, seeing as the ogre just grabs him out of the sky and then throws him at the ground.

You wince at the metal-hitting-stone sound that follows when Galacta Knight is launched face-first against the floor of the castle. As he stands, you're surprised to see that his mask is still fully intact after that. Unlike Meta Knight's, it would seem his mask is made out of something stronger than cardboard.

The feathered warrior looks absolutely infuriated, and he wastes no time in flying back up there to stab at Shrek.

"HA HA HA!" Shrek continues to laugh despite the stabbing from Galacta, and the deadly weapons being stuck in him. For a moment, his apparent arrogance reminds you of King Dedede.

No, King Dedede is perfect. This is a rude beast terrorizing the castle. You don't care that he has a Scottish accent—he is rude.

After shaking your head to dismiss any potential thoughts of romancing Shrek, you notice that Kirby's now taking the lead against defeating the giant ogre. Kirby on his own was scary enough, but Kirby with Galaxia? Run.

The tide of the battle quickly turns after that. Shrek's expression is actually starting to look a bit worried, as if he's thinking "Alright, maybe this wasn't a good idea".

Too late to take back his assault on the castle now, though, so he continues to face the consequence of posing a threat to Dreamland: Kirby.

Eventually, the people that are still actively attacking Shrek start to draw back. Seems everyone's just letting Kirby take over. How lazy of them. Maybe Meta Knight had a point with his "Dreamland's lazy lifestyle" complaints.

Then again, you're not doing anything either, but your excuse is because you simply don't see the need to when everyone else had already jumped in to attack Shrek. It wouldn't have made much sense to go running back to your car (which is still in Dedede's throne room, in case you were wondering) to get your secret weapon out of the trunk.

"Oh, alright now!" An angry shout from Shrek draws your attention up towards the giant ogre. Smacking Kirby aside (who, of course, just flies right back up and continues attacking him), he glares down at everyone else. "Which one of you laddehs is in charge here?!"

"I am!" King Dedede calls loudly. He's standing tall with his hands on his hips, clearly trying to display authority. "I'm the king!"

"A self-proclaimed one," Galacta Knight mutters, to which Dedede responds with an angry "SHADDUP!"

"You're the king, ey?" Shrek asks, rubbing his chin after he swats Kirby away again (who, surprise surprise, is right back to attacking him again). "Well, let's see if—OW! Ah...Let's see if we can reach a deal here."

"Whaddya want? My wealth? Ya' ain't gettin' any money from me!" King Dedede barks defensively. "If anything, you should be payin' me for all the damage ya' caused in my castle!"

"Sure, sure laddeh." Shrek motions with his hands in a "calm down" motion. "Just—AH!—call this little pink fellow off, and we—EE—can sort that all out."

"Fine." King Dedede sounds a bit miffed, and you notice him muttering something else before he looks up again. "Alright, Kirbeh, get back down here. We'll sort this out."

"Poyo?" Kirby almost looks baffled, as if he can't believe this isn't going to end with him defeating Shrek. After all, he was probably used to just taking down whatever big threat came to Dreamland every other week.

"Yeah yeah, poyo," King Dedede replies a bit sarcastically. "Now gid'down here."

Kirby seems pretty uncertain, but he hops off the top of the castle wall anyway.

"Alright, now give me the shiny death sword for safe keepin'," King Dedede says once Kirby lands, holding out his hand.

The narrowed eyes suggest that Kirby doesn't trust him.

"What? Hey! I ain't gonna steal it!" King Dedede insists, sounding a bit hurt and offended.

Still seeming wary, Kirby glances from Galaxia to Dedede.

"I'm gonna give it back to Meta when he gets here," Dedede assures. "We don't need toddlers holdin' on to shiny death swords."

"But he's Kirby," Bandana Dee points out, a slightly confused expression on his face.

"...Nothing about that...entity...would indicate a 'toddler' to me," Galacta Knight remarks, giving Kirby a bit of a disdainful look for some reason. If the puffball noticed, he didn't show it.

"Well, whatever!" Dedede huffs. "He's still a little kid with a very dangerous weapon and I don't like that!" He looks down at Kirby again, smiling as he holds out his hand once more. "Now be a good little Kirbeh and gimmie the super death sword."

Kirby blinks, and then finally complies.

"Good Kirbeh." King Dedede pets his head (which Kirby seems to like) before briefly glancing at the sword he's now holding. It seems to be glowing more than when Kirby had it, for some reason.

The king looks it over for a few moments, then shrugs and starts to put it inside his robe, which apparently has inside pockets. That sword definitely seems a lot brighter now, and you look at Dedede nervously. Is it going to explode? You begin to worry.

"Now, Mr. Green Giant That Rips Roofs Off Of Castles," King Dedede begins, still busy trying to tuck Galaxia away. "What're you gonna—AH!" He shouts as there's a sudden zap from the sword he'd been holding. Dropping it onto the ground, the king stares at the sizzling sword, his eyes wide in surprise and fear. "What was THAT all about?!"

Kirby picks up the sword again, a small smile on his face. Did he know that was going to happen? That—That meddling pink puffball! You glare at him, even though it's pretty hard to, since he's Kirby.

King Dedede huffs. "How come you get to hold it, but then it zaps me like that?!" He crosses his arms. "Did Meta Knight, like, enchant that or somethin'?! That's pretty rude of him to make his sword electrocute me!"

It would appear Kirby is trying to explain the lore of Meta Knight's sword, but alas, it all comes out as poyos.

"Oh, whatever." King Dedede digresses, waving dismissively towards Kirby. "Anyway..." He looks up at Shrek, crossing his arms.

Looking around, you note that everyone is inside the castle. Including Shrek, actually, since he's standing inside of it. Well, "standing". He can't really stand on one of his legs, since Axe Knight obliterated his kneecap.

"You've got a lot of damage to pay for!" Dedede shouts.

"Oh, the only damage I'll be paying for is whatever ye' do to me swamp." Shrek chuckles. You stare up at the ogre, confused by what he's saying.

Shrek suddenly reaches down into the castle, and you gasp in surprise as he snatches King Dedede.

"What—Hey! Put me down!" King Dedede snaps.

"Oh yes, this one'll do nicely." Shrek smiles as he looks down at the penguin king in his grasp. Looking down at everyone inside the castle, the giant ogre waves. "Bye-bye!" He calls cheerily. Then, he leans a bit closer to all of you and whispers, "See ya' later."

Some people try to attack Shrek, especially Bandana Dee and Kirby, but it's no use. Shrek is leaving the castle, and he completely demolishes the wall in front of him to do so. The only individual he does anything about is Galacta Knight, who gets yeeted off into the sky. And the irony is that he was the only one who wasn't attacking Shrek.

Everyone's attacks seem to be in vain. Even you had joined in at that point. While you might not have had time to run and grab your weapon, you did still punch Shrek's legs, yelling at him to put King Dedede down. Shrek ignored you.

When it became obvious that Shrek wasn't stopping, Axe and Mace finally got off him. Axe Knight had to abandon his axe, how sad.

You stare after Shrek, in complete shock and disbelief.

The sun is beginning to rise. Has it been that long since the funeral started last night? It went by so quickly.

You stand there, along with everyone else, staring after the giant ogre that had just kidnapped the king.

As Shrek walks/stumbles off into the sunrise, Carry On Wayward Son starts to play.

Is it coming from Shrek? The air itself? You're not sure.

Probably Shrek, though, since it starts to fade away as Shrek departs in the distance.

"Oh no," Bandana Dee frets. "That—that giant ogre took King Dedede! We have to go save him!"

Kirby mumbles a series of poyos. Judging by the tone of his voice, he isn't very happy. Annoyed, actually, it seems. If he could speak, he would have probably said something along the lines of "aw poyo, here we go again."

Of course you have to go rescue Dedede, there isn't a single doubt about that. But it seems like such an impossible task.

Watching the giant ogre walk off into the sunrise, with an angry, scared penguin king in his fist, you wonder if you'll ever see your glorious king again.

⁌9⁍ ✿ Dededestination: Shrek's Swamp (And A Wacky Funeral, Part 3) ✿

Since this chapter is so long, I added headers/dividers.

1. Return of the Angry Borbs
2. Car Antics
3. The Funeral Finally Wraps Up
4. What Now?
5. Magolor's Wild Ride
6. Arriving At Shrek's Swamp
7. Run!

1. Return of the Angry Borbs

As Shrek walks out of sight, Galacta Knight is quick to return. You glance up at the winged knight as he flies into the room, only to do a double take when you see him.

Not only are his eyes glowing a deeper red, but he has somehow obtained an Uzi.

"Where did it go?! I'm going to put several caps in its head!" He shouts.

You just stare at the angry porb with wide eyes, speechless.

"H-He left," Bandana Dee stammers, looking very concerned. Then again, why wouldn't he be? The Greatest Warrior in the Galaxy just showed up with an Uzi.

The room (or, what's left of it at this point) is silent, save for some muttered cursing from Galacta Knight.

The silence is soon broken when Meta Knight returns. You glance over at him as he enters the room. If the angry expression and cracked mask covered in duct tape is anything to account for, he clearly didn't have a very good time getting yeeted away by Shrek.

What's really concerning though is that he's dragging a dead Grizzo behind him.

You notice a couple other people are staring too, now.

Galacta Knight is the first to address it. "...I understand you were probably angry. I don't believe murdering a Grizzo and dragging its carcass here is going to solve anyth-"

"Are you suggesting I am responsible for this?!" Meta Knight interrupts, coming off quite angry. "I found this in the woods, and I have deemed it to be evidence of another vehicular homicide!"

Oh right, that hit and run you did on a Grizzo while you were flooring it to McDedede's. Whoops. In your defense, though, Initial D Deja Vu was on the radio.

You don't have to defend yourself right away, though. Slowly, you watch Meta Knight's attention focus on Galacta Knight's new weapon. "...Galacta, why in the name of Popstar do you have a submachine gun?"

"To bust some caps in the ogre, why else?" Galacta Knight responds, shrugging a bit.

Meta Knight stares at him for several moments in complete silence.

"What?" Galacta Knight huffs, looking defensive.

Meta Knight continues to stare at him.

"What? You want to fight?" Galacta Knight accuses, getting closer as he points his gun at Meta Knight.

"...Later." Meta Knight turns away, and you notice his yellow gaze is now fixed on you. It soon becomes a red gaze. "There is something more important that needs to be addressed."

You offer him a shrug. "Sorry, I can't help it. I'm a Scorpio."

"Do you think this is a joke?! You have committed not one, but two vehicular homicides! I'm sure you've committed many more as well. I will have you executed for this!"

"'Ight bet." You've found the easiest way to make Meta Knight angry is by acting casual and unaffected by his threats. And, as predicted, your reaction definitely makes him angry. The red eyes really just say it all, but then again, they've mostly been red since he walked in the room.

Turning away and sighing, he glances around the room. "Where is Dedede? This must be reported."

"Oh, well...you see, about that," Magolor says nervously, twiddling his thumbs.

Meta Knight directs his glare towards the Halcandran, clearly waiting for an answer.

Magolor looks intimidated, and he just backs up a bit, his ears going down.

Since he's clearly not about to go on, Bandana Dee steps in. "The giant ogre kidnapped him!"

Meta Knight narrows his eyes as he stares silently at Bandana Dee for a few moments. At least the Waddle Dee seems to relax when his eyes eventually turn yellow again.

"...You're kidding me." He practically mutters.

"I wish I was," Bandana Dee responds, appearing to be frowning.

Meta Knight just sighs and closes his eyes. As Kirby begins to approach him, he's muttering and cursing to himself.

Kirby poyos inquisitively upon hearing some of the words, which makes Meta Knight open his eyes again. "Shotzo, Kirby. I said Shotzo," he replies. You give the knight a dubious glance, as that is most certainly not what he said.

Kirby seems to accept this, as he smiles and gives Meta Knight his sword back.

At least it seems that everyone's gotten over the shock of Meta Knight dragging a dead animal inside the castle.

Some of the Waddle Dees in the room are already cleaning up the rubble left behind from Shrek's invasion. Seems they're so indentured to servitude that they clean things without being told to.

"Well, uh..." Marx glances around the room before looking over at Kirby in particular. "Does that mean you have to go rescue Dedede now?"

"I believe we should finish the funeral, first," Meta Knight points out, eyes half-closed. And of course he has his cape wrapped around himself.

"This is a funeral?" Axe Knight asks again, looking around the destroyed room.

Meta Knight shuts his eyes fully, clearly exasperated.

"It's a FUN-eral!" Magolor insists, floating on over. He pulls out his microphone again as he gets up onto the small platform at the front of the room (or what remains of it, at this point).

"Hey! Don't make Meta Knight kick you off the stage again!" Axe Knight calls, glaring up at Magolor.

"Kicking?" Mace Knight asks. "I want to do some kicking!" He turns and punts Axe Knight. Given the size difference between them, he goes flying pretty high up.

When he lands, it's face-first on the floor. As Axe Knight gets up, you notice he looks as angry as Meta Knight on a good day. "Why you—!" Since he doesn't have his axe anymore, he uses the next best thing to terrorize Mace Knight with: a chair.

You, along with everyone else, watch as Axe Knight chases him out of the room while holding the chair as threateningly as one could hold a chair. Wincing a bit at the sounds of violence from the other room, you slowly turn away from the doorway.

Magolor's still staring at the doorway, but eventually, he turns to face forward again. He taps his microphone a few times before speaking in a Jerry Seinfeld voice. "What's the deal with airline food?"

"Shut up, egg!" Sword Knight punches him in the face.

"What?" Magolor recoils and stares at him for a moment before his yellow eyes narrow into a glare. "That's it, you're going on the deep sea choo choo!" He opens up a rift to pull out a miniature version of his ship, and then throws it at Sword Knight.

The ship goes flying out into the hallway, crashing into another room somewhere with Sword Knight on it. Oh well, that's some Waddle Dee's problem to clean up, not anyone else's.

Completely ignoring that conundrum, Meta Knight goes over to start giving a small group of Waddle Dees some instructions.

At the same time, Mace Knight comes back. It would appear there is a mangled chair stuck on top of his head somehow. "Whoever owns the gray convertible in the throne room, you left your lights on," he calls to the room.

You facepalm. "Dang it," you mutter. Well, you don't want to burn out your car battery. How disastrous that would be!

Walking past Mace Knight, you head towards the throne room.

2. Car Antics

The throne room is just as you left it—a complete and utter mess. The only difference is that there isn't a dead snail underneath your car. Besides that, everything is the same.

First, you go to the trunk. You're gonna need this now.

Opening up the trunk, you smile as you look at your weapon.

The Kitchen Gun.

Slamming the trunk shut, you store your Kitchen Gun in whatever you use to carry your stuff. Maybe you have a backpack, or a purse. Or maybe you've got those Old Navy Man Pants™ with the deep pockets. Whatever your personal storage method may be, that is where your Kitchen Gun conveniently fits.

You then head over to start your car. Or...attempt to start it, at least. The engine stalls, and you hear some clanking from under the hood. You furrow your eyebrows. That's unusual.

You try to start it again. The engine stalls longer this time, and a bit louder. Annoyed, you bang on the dashboard.

"Ow!" You hear someone exclaim. Why did it sound like that annoyed voice came from inside your car?

Slowly, you exit your car and lift up the hood to see what's going on.

The first thing that catches your eye are all the dismantled parts. It looks like someone took a bunch of parts from your car! How dare they. You narrow your eyes in anger.

You walk around the other side of your car, grumbling to yourself, only to stop when you see Axe Knight.

It takes you a moment to figure out what exactly he's doing with a tube and a bottle by your gas cap, but then you realize what's going on. He's siphoning your gas! How rude.

"Ahem," you say.

The smaller knight jumps up, seeming startled. He blinks at you, hesitating for merely a moment before he throws the bottle of stolen gasoline at you.

You barely have time to dodge it before he's lighting a match. "Wh—are you trying to set me on fire?!"

He answers your question by throwing the lit match at you. You dodge it, and it lands on the floor behind you somewhere. "You wanna try that again?!" You pull out your Kitchen Gun and point it at him.

Axe Knight's eyes widen, and he quickly turns to run out of the room. You notice he's still got a bunch of parts that he stole from your car. "Meta Knight!"

You sigh in irritation. You kind of need your car, but with all the parts that had been taken from it, it wasn't going anywhere for a while. Guess you're gonna have to leave your lights on, too.

You go back to the funeral room, Kitchen Gun in tow.

"What did you do this time?" You overhear Meta Knight asking exasperatedly. As you walk further into the room, his gaze settles on you. He stares for a moment or two before scoffing and narrowing his eyes. "As if Galacta Knight with a submachine gun wasn't enough!"

You smile and wave. He just turns away and shakes his head, focusing his attention on Axe Knight as the younger knight explains what happened.

Since nobody's attacking you right now, you safely stow away your Kitchen Gun.

You notice Bandana Dee standing by the dead Grizzo, seeming quite concerned. He waits for a pause in the other two's conversation before speaking. "Meta Knight, you know I've never been one to question you, but I don't see how I'm supposed to fit this in the freezer..."

"Move some stuff," is Meta Knight's dismissive reply.

"But it's too big to fit in the freezer, I think," Bandana Dee frets. "Do we really need to preserve it?"

"Yes! It's evidence."

"I-I'm sure King Dedede will take your word for it—"

"The more physical evidence we have, the better case we can build against the murderer." With that, he goes back over to the group of Waddle Dees he spoke to earlier, leaving Bandana Dee to drag the dead Grizzo off by himself.

3. The Funeral Finally Wraps Up

A few minutes later, when everyone is in the room again, the Dees who were spoken to earlier by Meta Knight go over to pick up the coffin. Together, they start to bring it outside, leaving the rest of the Dees to try (and fail hopelessly at) fixing the castle. You, along with everyone else, follow them.

"Since when do Waddle Dees listen to you?" You overhear Magolor questioning Meta Knight along the way.

"In the event that something happens to Dedede," Meta Knight responds, "he's left me in charge of Dreamland."

"Are you sure about that?" Magolor asks, his tone somewhere between dubious and condescending. "Are you really sure about that?"

Meta Knight ignores him.

Soon enough, you've all arrived at the burial site. Who even dug this grave? Probably some poor, underpaid ditch-digger Dee. Oh well, not your problem.

The Dees set the coffin down, and Meta Knight nods at them. They pick it up again, and you notice that two of the Dees very briefly start to do the coffin dance. At least until one of the other Dees slaps them.

With the brief coffin dancing shut down, the Waddle Dees begin to push it into the ditch. One of the Dees gets stuck under the coffin and winds up getting buried underneath it. Meta Knight doesn't seem to care, or even notice, really. Glancing around, it would seem as if no one else is concerned, either. Waddle Dees are pretty expendable, anyway.

"I suppose now would the time to say any last departing words." Meta Knight wraps his cape around himself again. Why does he do that, you wonder.

"Escargoon was a great advisor," Bandana Dee says, seeming a bit nervous about speaking. "H-He did a lot of work for the king, and for us, really. It won't be the same without him..." The Dee wipes his eyes.

"And he'll never be replaceable...it just...it isn't fair!" He suddenly wails. "He didn't deserve to die, no one does! Well, except Nightmare," he adds a bit quietly. "But he's evil. Escargoon wasn't anywhere close to being evil. He, he always did what he thought would help Dreamland. Even if he sided with Dedede a lot in the beginning, he...he really grew as an advisor, and a person. He should have lived a long, happy life. I...I'm going to miss him. We all are. I don't see how Dreamland will be the same..." The bandana-wearing Dee seems distraught, and he winds up hiding his face.

Meta Knight gives him a few pats on the head. "Well spoken, Bandana Dee."

"T-Thanks..." You didn't know it was possible for someone to be sad and embarrassed at the same time, but Bandana Dee clearly is.

"I didn't really know Escargoon," Magolor says. "He seemed like a nice guy, though...a genuinely nice guy, not, like, a 'nice guy'," he quickly clarifies. "I know death is a part of life, but he seemed kind of young. I mean, I guess he had facial hair and all, so maybe he was more middle aged, but uh, but still. Like Bandana Dee said, he definitely didn't deserve to die. Nobody really does, except for those who are pure evil. Even then, isn't there a better choice than murder..?"

He trails off, and Marx picks it up a bit. "Certainly. Even if this murder seems to be an accident-"

"There is nothing accidental about a murder," Meta Knight cuts in, his voice seeming a bit deeper than usual for some reason.

"Okay, sorry," Marx apologizes, briefly dipping his head. "I just meant that they probably didn't crash into the castle with the intent of killing Escargoon-"

"Are you blind?" Meta Knight practically hisses. "Their intention couldn't be more clear. They murdered Escargoon so they could become Dedede's new assistant." He fixes his yellow gaze on you. "This is certainly not the first time I've seen someone murder others to advance through ranks."

Well then. While you definitely hadn't intended to kill Escargoon, you'd be lying if you said you weren't thrilled to be Dedede's new assistant. Why, it was everything you'd ever wanted! Besides marrying Dedede, of course.

But Meta Knight's words definitely make sense, and you notice some of the others are giving you wary glances.

"It was an accident." You say, beginning to feel nervous. It seems like Meta Knight's pretty good at convincing others, and you begin to worry they may turn on you.

"Your birth was an accident!" Axe Knight retorts.

You recoil a bit as you look over at him. Why is he so rude?

"...We'll deal with this after the funeral." Meta Knight's voice seems a bit stiff. It's probably taking a lot of willpower for him to not attack you right now.

You're still getting hostile and suspicious glances from most of the funeral attendees. You shrink back a bit, doing your best to look guilty. Even if becoming the new advisor had helped get rid of most of your guilt, you'd still killed an innocent man to get where you are now. But it put you much closer to Dedede, so maybe it was a necessary sacrifice.

On second thought, yeah, it was just Escargoon. He's never even been mentioned in any of the games! He was only important to the anime world.

You notice that Magolor's casting you a bit of a sympathetic glance. You blink over at him, surprised. Maybe everyone here isn't against you after all.

"Escargot-poy?" Kirby questions, stepping towards the grave. Meta Knight pushes him back. "No, Kirby."

Kirby seems a bit distressed, poyoing as he points at the coffin, and then up at the sky.

Yep, there's the guilt, now. You sway a bit, worried for a moment that it may overwhelm you. Your vision swims a bit, and you notice blackness creeping in from the sides. You need to sit down. It's probably the effects of staying awake throughout the entire night.

You sit down on a rock, sighing as your head begins to clear. You keep your eyes closed for a few moments, listening to some others share their last words for Escargoon.

"I hope he finds peace."

"Dreamland will be much different without him."

"I'll never forget the time I bought a broken PlayStation 2 from him, and when I tried to return it, he said there were 'no money back guarantees!'"

"...I'm pretty sure he owed me 20 dollars, but I guess that doesn't matter anymore."

"I'm surprised he managed to put up with Dedede for so long. I have a lot of respect for him."

"Man, I feel bad for taking his Nintendo 64 games now...Should I go get them? We can bury them with him."

"...That won't be necessary, Axe Knight."

"I remember one time...he uh...he said good morning to me. I think that's the only time we ever talked to each other."

"Escargoon more like Escar-gone. Pffft...heehee, okay, okay, I'm sorry."

You slowly blink open your eyes as the speaking dies down. By the time you fully open your eyes, everyone has fallen silent.

It would seem everyone has said something by now. Everyone except Galacta Knight.

You notice him standing there, staring down into the grave. It would appear he's thinking.

Finally, he speaks. "The weak should fear the strong." When he doesn't continue, you guess that's all he's saying.

"Thank you, Galacta Knight," Meta Knight states flatly, his eyes narrowed a bit as he stares straight ahead.

"Is that sarcasm?" Galacta Knight asks, turning to him. "I will line a sandwich with your organs!"

"Shut up."

4. What Now?

After the coffin has been buried, the funeral begins to disperse. Most of the others fly away or walk off, probably to go get some much needed sleep.

You yourself are quite tired, but there's a question still burning on your mind, and on the mind of everyone that's stayed behind: how to rescue King Dedede.

As the last of the funeral attendees depart, you look around to see who's still here. Meta Knight, of course—no surprise there. And Kirby, too, obviously.

Axe Knight had left earlier, and he was now returning with Javelin Knight and Trident Knight.

Mace, Sword and Blade are still there too, and you wince a bit when you realize that all six of Meta's knights are present. Why does he need a small army? Wasn't he dangerous enough on his own?

Apparently not, as he needs six knights who follow his every command and practically worship him sometimes.

Magolor and Marx are also hanging around, as is Bandana Dee.

Magolor does a double take when he sees all the knights. He must not have realized just how many fanboy children Meta Knight has. "I, uh, don't know if all this is necessary. I mean, Kirby usually does everything on his own..."

Meta Knight wordlessly gestures over at Kirby, and you see that the pink puffball has fallen asleep. It's not surprising, though, really. He's young, and had been awake all night. He was probably ready to sleep for a century or something.

"...Well then, we're screwed," Magolor remarks.

"No we are not," Meta Knight retorts, a bit of an edge to his tone. "We have ships, and a crew that is fully capable of handling one of them."

"...Ships?" Magolor echoes, seeming quite confused, and maybe even a bit concerned. "You have more than one?"

Meta Knight narrows his eyes. "The one we had to go all over Popstar to find the parts for."

"Oh, yes! That one!" Magolor nods happily. "It's in the parking garage right now."

"Wh—? There is no such thing as a parking garage in Dreamland."

"Not until I built one!" Magolor replies cheerily. "I made it especially for my ship."

"...Your ego is beginning to rival Dedede's."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

Meta Knight mutters something, and he begins to walk away as he fumbles inside his cape for something. Finally, he pulls out a ring with a bunch of keys on it.

"Here." He gives them to Axe Knight. "Go find where the hell Vul went. I trust you'll look after the Halberd."

Axe Knight's yellow eyes seem to be gleaming with happiness. "Of course, sir!" He starts to walk away, but Meta Knight stops him.

"You need a weapon." You're slightly concerned when Meta Knight pulls an axe out of his cape.

Axe Knight just stares at the axe. "That's not my axe."

"Well, of course it isn't."

"I like my axe."

"This axe is practically the same—"

"No it isn't. The handle's different, and it's not the same color."

"...Does it matter?"

"Yes. Quite a lot, actually."

"It serves the same purpose as your other one." You can tell Meta Knight's getting pretty impatient. "It will do the job."

"But I don't like that one."

How old is Axe Knight, you wonder. You always assumed he was in his late 20s or early 30s, but he's acting like a child over this.

You can tell that Meta Knight's grown more irritated, and he soon produces another axe from his cape. As if a single one wasn't concerning enough, it would seem he's housing multiple deadly weapons in there. "Take this one, then."

"That one isn't even double sided!" Axe Knight complains.

"I'm about to make you double sided!" Meta Knight threatens, looking like he's ready to cleave Axe Knight in half.

Axe Knight shrinks under his glare. "O-Okay, I guess I can try duel wielding them."

"That's the spirit." There's a note of sarcasm in Meta Knight's tone as he gives the axes to Axe Knight.

You watch him walk away, glancing over his shoulder a bit warily. Once he's a safe distance away from Meta Knight, he begins to gloat. "I got the Halberd keys!" He jingles the keys, yanking them out of reach whenever one of the other knights gets close.

"No fair!" Mace Knight tries to take the keys, but Axe Knight keeps holding them out of reach. Soon enough, they're punching each other and arguing. Before you know it, all the knights are fighting over the keys.

Meta Knight just rolls his eyes and walks away from them.

"Are you not coming?" Magolor asks, glancing over at him.

"I have a kingdom to watch over," Meta Knight replies. He pauses to glance down at Kirby, who's still sleeping in the grass. "I should ensure Kirby gets proper rest, as well."

"Oh, right." Magolor blinks. "So, uh, what's the plan, exactly? Who's in charge? And where are we even going?"

"Once those halfwits stop arguing amongst themselves and find Captain Vul, as they were instructed to," he says pointedly, glaring over at the adults acting like children. "He will be in charge." He turns back to Magolor, wrapping his cape around himself. "If they fail to find him, then Sword Knight and Axe Knight are in charge."

"Those are..." Magolor trails off, looking at the knights that are still arguing over who gets to drive the Halberd.

"Sword Knight is the dark purple one, and Axe Knight is the one with the viking helmet."

"Right, of course." Magolor nods before looking down at Meta Knight. Wait, is he floating higher on purpose? You snicker a bit.

Judging by the narrowed eyes, Meta Knight isn't pleased with that.

"And where are we going?" Magolor asks, waving his hands a bit.

"The ogre lives on a planet called Earth. However, there are many different planets with that name. What they all have in common is a large quantity of water. Much of the planet is made up of ocean. Most versions of Earth are also technologically advanced as well. Some of the planet variants only have minor differences, such as a single species or a country, while others may seem like entirely different planets."

"Oh no, this is already confusing," Magolor remarks, looking worried.

"Quite, especially to the less knowledgeable." Meta Knight nods, and you scoff at his condescending attitude. "The Earth the ogre resides in is rather behind in terms of technology. The time period would appear to be set in the medieval ages. In addition, it is populated by humans and fairy tale creatures alike."

"I don't know...sounds like a load of bingus to me." Magolor stretches his hands, leaning back a bit. Before an angry Meta Knight can interrupt, he asks, "So how am I supposed to find the one the ogre lives on? Do you know what galaxy it's in? After all, you're Meta Knight—you know everything." Despite the innocence of his tone, there's a mischievous glint in Magolor's eyes.

"...I cannot say exactly which galaxy the ogre's specific Earth is in. I can say, however, that the generic 'Earth' is in the Milky Way galaxy." Meta Knight appears to think for all of two seconds before going on. "It is approximately 13.51 billion years old, has the mass of 1.5 trillion suns, and a radius of 52,850 light years. The escape velocity is 550 kilometers per second. The Milky Way is a spiral shaped galaxy, and it includes the constellations Orion, Sagittarius, Scorpius, Carina, and Ara."

Magolor looks baffled. Finally, he speaks. "That's neat and all, but how am I supposed to get there?"

"Use a GPS like everyone else does?"

"Oh, right."

Meta Knight just does one of his usual slow blinks before speaking again. "You take Marx on your ship, and my knights will handle the Halberd. Bandana Dee, you can go on whichever ship you'd prefer."

"Oh! A-Are you sure?" Bandana Dee hops up from where he had been sitting in the grass next to the sleeping Kirby. "Sailor Dee told me about it, and I'd love to see it, but I don't want to intrude or anything!"

"You're not intruding; I trust you on the ship."

"Thanks!" Bandana Dee looks overjoyed, which is kind of unsettling right after a funeral.

"So you don't trust me?" Magolor huffs.

"What—of course not!" Meta Knight glares at him. "Do you even have to ask such a thing?"

"Is it because of the taking over Dreamland thing?" Magolor puts on a cute face. "I said I'm sorry."

"'Sorry' means nothing to me." Meta Knight edgily turns his back on him.

"But I built the amusement park—"

"It still means nothing to me!"

"Wow, okay." Magolor huffs, acting all offended. He's being way over the top about it though.

"What about me?" Marx interjects, hopping on over on his ball. "I don't think we've even really spoken to each other."

"You betrayed Kirby's trust and tried to take over Dreamland as well," Meta Knight points out coolly.

"So did you!" Magolor argues.

Meta Knight stiffens, and then he whips around and pulls out his sword. "How dare you point out my own hypocrisy!"

You walk over to try and deescalate the fight before it can start. "Come on people, let's be smart and bring it off."

"Oh, so now the Escargoon-killer is going to try and preach to us!" Marx sneers.

You stiffen a bit, feeling indignance creep its way through you. Inhaling deeply, you push it down before you can make the argument worse by angrily defending yourself.

"What about me?" You ask, changing the subject to bring the focus back to what's more important: rescuing King Dedede. Nobody had mentioned what you'd be doing or what ship you'd be going on, after all.

"What about you?" Meta Knight asks dismissively. "This isn't a conversation that involves you."

"Uh, yes it does!" You insist. "I want to help rescue Dedede too!"

"Do you really think we would trust you to do that?" Meta Knight glares up at you.

"Er...yes...?" You venture.

"No!"

"Why? Because the Great Edgelord has declared it so?" You raise an eyebrow.

"Until Dedede is brought back here, I am in charge!" Meta Knight snaps, pointing his sword at you. "You will be rotting in the dungeon before the end of tonight!"

Wait, the castle has a dungeon?

You gulp nervously.

That wasn't part of your plan.

"Oh boy, I can't wait to come home after this rescue mission to find that Dreamland's been turned into an authoritarian regime," Magolor remarks.

"I'm disappointed you would think such a thing of me." Meta Knight sheathes his sword, which eases your worries a little bit. "Unless Dedede is declared to be dead, I will be making no changes to Dreamland."

You feel your body turn cold. Dedede...dead? No, he couldn't be...but...what if? Dededead? No.

"So if the big man dies, then we'll get the authoritarian regime..." Magolor mumbles. "Got it."

The sound of cawing drags you out of your thoughts. It sounds like a bunch of noisy crows. The heck?

You glance over and find that the other knights are all in a circle. In the middle of them is Axe Knight, and he's holding a dead Birdon over his head.

...It would appear the cawing is coming from them, in some strange ritual attempt of summoning Captain Vul.

Magolor, Marx, and Meta Knight slowly look over as well.

"Question," Magolor begins, looking at Meta Knight. "How old are they?"

"Old enough to know better," is all Meta Knight responds with.

Magolor doesn't seem convinced.

"I can't deal with this right now," Meta Knight mutters, clearly irritated. "I have much more important things to be doing." For a moment, you notice a hint of stress in his voice. As you watch him walk over and pick up Kirby, you realize that he probably is under a lot of stress.

Not for nothing, but in less than a day, the king's advisor had been killed, and then the king himself had been kidnapped. Which meant that Meta Knight is now responsible for Dreamland all on his own.

Eh. He deserves the stress.

"Hey," Magolor says quietly as he taps your shoulder, and you glance over at him inquisitively.

"You can come with us, if you'd like," he offers.

"Really? You'll let the 'Escargoon-killer' on your ship?" You give a dubious glance towards Marx, who just looks away towards the ground, seeming a bit disgruntled.

"Wait, so that murder was on purpose?" Magolor stares at you, seeming surprised.

"What? No, of course not!" You insist. "I was being sarcastic."

"Oh." Magolor seems to relax. "I don't like sarcasm. It seems to always go over my head. Do you know how many times I've heard people tell me things like 'you're a genius' or 'you're a great person', only for them to reveal they were being sarcastic?" The egg seems a bit sad. "A lot of times."

"Uh...I'm sorry." You give Magolor a couple head pats. While he doesn't seem to enjoy them as much as Kirby, at least it doesn't make him angry or weirded out. Rather, the head pats seem to serve their purpose well; the egg is now happy once more.

"So, are you coming?" He asks, to which you nod in response. "Thank you," you add, but then tilt your head a bit. "Why are you being nice to me, though, and letting me come with you?"

Magolor blinks, rubbing an ear as he glances off to the side very briefly before making eye contact with you once more. "To be honest, I felt bad for you. I know how it feels to have Meta Knight use big fancy words and make everyone hate you. If it weren't for new antagonists like Susie or you, he'd probably still be trying to slander me."

You blink, surprised at the sympathy Magolor apparently has for you. Not to mention that you would both appear to have a common enemy. Frickin shweet!

"Thank you. I really appreciate it." You nod.

"You're welcome." Magolor smiles despite having no visible mouth. "Well I'll go get my ship, then. You two get to know each other." He gestures at Marx with a thumb. "Marx is a very good friend of mine. Anyways, adios!" He waves before running/floating off rather quickly towards wherever his supposed self-made parking garage is.

You slowly glance down at Marx. "Hi."

"Hi."

The two of you just stand there as the awkward silence stretches on.

Luckily, you don't have to stand there awkwardly until Magolor comes back, as the bird man who somehow got the wrong memo and mistook a funeral for a wedding arrives. Whether it's because the weird ritual thing actually worked, or if he's just annoyed by all the noise the idiots are making, you're not sure. You're more inclined to believe the latter over the former, however.

"Alright, you lot!" Captain Vul snaps. "That's enough!"

At his arrival, the knights all shut up. You blink as Axe Knight tries to discretely push the dead Birdon aside.

Guess he wasn't discreet enough, as Vul sees the dead Birdon and squawks angrily. Instead of having a normal reaction, he just picks Axe Knight up and whips him against a tree.

Ouch.

As he does, you notice Meta Knight's going over to him. Probably to explain what's going on.

He gives the sleeping Kirby to Sword Knight, who semi-awkwardly holds him. You're pretty sure Blade and Sword are the only knights that don't want to always try and kill Kirby on sight.

Sitting down in the grass, you idly listen along, letting most words drift in one ear and out the other.

"Dedede kidnapped...ogre...Milky Way galaxy...planet 'Earth', medieval time period...take the Halberd...for the love of Nova keep Axe and Mace Knight away from the steering wheel..."

Huh, you idly wonder. What'd those two do to warrant getting banned from the steering wheel?

Laying down in the grass, you close your eyes and start to doze.

5. Magolor's Wild Ride

You jolt up as Magolor suddenly crashes his ship mere inches from you and Marx.

"Hey, who gave an idiot like that a license?!" Vul squawks.

As you stand up, the door opens and Magolor comes out. "Oops, sorry, hehe! I'm not very good at landing my ship."

"So that's an excuse to crash full-fledged into the face of the planet?!" An angry Meta Knight snaps in the background. Magolor ignores him.

"Well, come on in." He gestures inside his ship before turning and going inside it.

Marx is quick to hop on; it's likely he's already familiar with Magolor's ship. Since you've never been on it, you're a bit slower to follow. As you step inside, you instantly recoil at the sight on a screen. "What is that?" You ask disdainfully, staring at the ancient, pixelated poptart cat in space with a rainbow trail behind it.

"Only the finest and dankest meme," Magolor replies, folding his nonexistent arms over his nonexistent chest.

"Magolor, Nyan Cat is 10 years old," you deadpan.

Magolor huffs and throws his hands up. "Well, it's like a fine wine! The older it is, the better."

You glance around his ship at some of the other screens. You thought it couldn't be worse than Nyan Cat, but it is. In fact, the newest memes seem to be MLG montage parodies. You shudder, not being able to take the cringe in such a high dosage.

"Oh, you're acting just like Kirby," Magolor scoffs. "These are only the finest memes!"

"What do you need all these for, anyway?" You question.

"What do you think this ship runs on?"

"...Your ship runs on dead memes?" You ask, dumbfounded.

"Dank memes," Magolor clarifies.

"Gross." You shudder again after seeing an advice animal meme.

"Poyo-poy poy yo poy..."

You glance over to see a very annoyed and disgruntled Kirby peering in from the ship's doorway. As you follow the puffball's gaze, you see he's glaring at a screen that's playing the dancing ooga chaka baby from the late 90s.

You blink in surprise. Now that is an ancient meme.

But since it's been so long, it's circled back around through irony, and now it's funny again. So you point at the ooga chaka baby and chuckle.

Kirby's still muttering his displeased poyos.

Magolor rolls his eyes. "Please, Kirby! You're so dramatic." Seems Magolor is lacking some self-awareness on that one.

"Poyo," Kirby retorts, eyes narrowed.

You walk over towards Magolor, glancing at the control panel. It would appear it's all in Halcandran though, so you can't understand any of it. How unfortunate.

There is one button, that you can read, however. It's bright, red, and shiny, and it says "YEET" on it.

"...What is the 'yeet' button?" You question, pointing at the shiny red button.

Magolor flinches, floating on over quite quickly. "The 'yeet' button is for emergencies," he explains, tapping your hand away. "No touchy."

"Poy-yeet Magolor," Kirby grumbles, making a tossing motion. Magolor widens his eyes, seeming shocked that Kirby would say such a thing. Then, he huffs and glares at the pink puffball. "Did your mentor say that? Tell him it's rude to throw people."

"I wasn't going to touch it," you huff, glancing off to the side. Once you do, you do a double take when you see the screen to your left. "Is that freaking Crazy Frog?"

"Yes, that is Crazy Frog," Magolor answers dismissively, waving nonchalantly as he starts to do stuff at the control panel.

"This ship can't get any worse," you groan, sitting down and burying your face in your hands.

"Hey, if you're going to complain, I'll pop in the Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas album," Magolor threatens.

"O-Okay I'm sorry."

"Good."

A slightly-awkward-but-not-as-awkward-with-Marx-earlier silence settles over the ship. Well, it's silent except for the ooga chaka baby.

You start to chuckle again, which earns you a weird look from Marx and Kirby.

"Kirby!" Meta Knight's voice calls from outside.

"Poyooo..." Kirby rolls his eyes.

Before he can even turn around to leave the doorway of the ship, Meta Knight's already behind him. "I have told you numerous times to stay away from Magolor's ship."

"Poyo poy poy..." Kirby mutters, sounding annoyed.

"Don't argue with me!" Meta Knight huffs. "You need a proper nap." He starts to pick up Kirby, only to stop when he catches sight of you. "Where do you think you are going?"

"Uh...Narnia, obviously."

"You best be coming off this ship right now, or so help me I will—"

"Oh can it, Meta-Not, would you?" Magolor asks, rolling his eyes. "We get it, you've developed a personal vendetta against another new person. I'm sure it'll be someone else by next week."

"This has nothing to do with vendettas. This person is a murderer, traitor, and scoundrel."

"Hey!" You protest. "That last one was pretty unnecessary." You wince a bit as you realize it hurt your feelings.

"They're all pretty unnecessary," Magolor adds, giving Meta Knight a bit of a side-glare.

"Fine, assist the person who works for Nightmare Enterprises and Haltmann Works!" Meta Knight snaps. "I'll be sure to let Dedede know of your involvement in this, along with the tax fraud."

"Oh, the tax fraud!" Magolor dramatically rolls his eyes. "You are never going to let go of that one, are you, Meta?"

"Not until you have been properly punished for it."

"Still can't prove it." Magolor waves dismissively. You notice Meta Knight twitch angrily, hesitating for a moment before snapping a reply. "I will one day, and you will be sorry when I do!"

"Uh-huh. Don't you have some fascism to go instill?"

"As I stated before, I will be making no changes to Dreamland—"

"—Unless it's Dededead, yes, I know."

"...Don't make light of these types of things."

Magolor ignores him, instead occupying himself at the control panel. He chuckles as he pulls up a still image of Ricardo Milos on one of the screens.

You notice Meta Knight rolling his eyes, and then he's half-leading, half-dragging Kirby away from the ship. "Come, Kirby."

"Poy—mmmmff!" Kirby doesn't have a choice, as he trips and falls, and is then dragged along.

Poor Kirby. Out of everyone he could've had as a mentor, he got stuck with Meta Knight.

"We should be ready to launch in—" Magolor's statement is suddenly cut off by an explosion. His eyes widen, and he frantically looks around the ship.

"It came from outside," Marx says, hopping out the door. You follow him.

You certainly did not expect to find the castle even more destroyed. And not just that, but it's also on fire now.

"Dear NOVA, can I get a break?!" You notice an angry, distressed Meta Knight is now sitting down. Kirby poyos concernedly and taps him, but Meta Knight doesn't respond to him. Instead, he's just sitting there with his face buried in his hands.

You slowly turn back towards the burning castle. Huh. You wonder if it had anything to do with that bottle of gasoline and lit match that Axe Knight threw at you earlier. As for why it took so long to suddenly ignite, you're not sure, but who are you to question Dreamland or fanfiction logic.

Your car was inside the castle too. But...

You slowly lean closer to Meta Knight. "I may have killed Escargoon, but at least I have car insurance from Geico," you whisper into his ear; or lack of one, at that.

"Will you—?!" You nearly lose an arm as Meta Knight suddenly turns and swings at you.

But he doesn't stop there—obviously he intends to kill you, or at least maim you.

Can you blame him, though? I mean...you've basically caused every single problem that's happened over the past day, either directly or indirectly.

Panicking, you don't even think to pull out your Kitchen Gun. Instead, you run back to Magolor's ship, where Magolor is peeking out from the doorway. Marx follows you, and the two of you book it inside his ship.

"Marx! Hit the 'yeet' button!" Magolor calls, trying to stop an angry Meta Knight from getting inside the ship.

"I'll be damned if you're getting awa—!"

"Ya YEET!" Marx hops on the button.

Magolor shoves Meta Knight back, then waves. "Adios, mocoso!"

You notice Meta Knight seems a bit baffled, as if he can't believe that Magolor had the audacity to not only shove him back like that, but say adios to him as well.

Before he can start attacking again, though, the yeet button is activated.

You suddenly go flying back and hit the wall as the ship enters what appears to be hyperdrive.

You also heard a thud at the front of the ship, and you wonder if it hit something...or, someone.

As the ship continues on in hyperdrive, the tension keeping you pinned to the wall lessens. Soon, you're able to walk around the ship again.

"Did we hit someone back there?" You ask Magolor.

"Er...probably...?" Magolor asks a bit nervously. Then, he shrugs. "Oh well, it isn't our problem right now. To Earth we go!"

You glance outside the ship, watching outer space whiz past as random Kirby Air Ride sound effects play for some reason. You get closer to the window, trying to see if there's any interesting planets.

You see a couple of them whiz past, but you have no idea what they were.

There was one, however, that stuck out, and you gasp after it's already whizzed past. "Was that Movie Star Planet?!"

"Movie Star Planet?! Where??" Magolor does a sharp right turn with the ship, making you and Marx slam into the wall.

"Magolor there is no Movie Star Planet!" Marx calls, sounding slightly annoyed.

"Aw..." Magolor looks down dejectedly, then steers the ship onto the right path again.

The space journey continues in silence for a bit.

You look out the window, only to draw back in confusion as you see...literal plaid.

"Aw heck, we've gone to plaid now," Marx remarks, hopping over to stand next to you.

"That's frickin' shweet, Lois," you reply.

Another semi-awkward silence settles over the ship. Or, at least until you start to hear something playing from outside the ship.

You can tell it's a midi file, but it takes you another moment until you can distinguish what song it's supposed to be.

Huh. Outer space playing the Skrillex Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites midi. That's a new one.

It starts off quiet at first, sounding very faint. Gradually, it starts to grow in volume, until it seems to take over the entire ship.

As the midi continues to play, you realize that in front of the ship, a close up image of Thomas the Tank engine's face is starting to fade in.

"...Should we be scared?" You ask.

"Probably," Marx says.

"Nothing to fear," Magolor insists, closing his eyes and waving nonchalantly. "My ship is 100% safe!"

"Are you sure about that..?" You question, tilting your head.

Magolor blinks a couple times, looking off to the side. "Well...sure, I may crash-land everywhere, and my ship doesn't adhere to any government regulations, but it's still perfectly safe!" He nods feverishly.

"Uh-huh," you reply flatly.

"Hey, at least my ship doesn't blow up in every other game!" Magolor huffs.

"...Alright, you got a point there," you admit, already losing count of how many times the Halberd's been blown up.

"Of course I do." Magolor nods again before going back to the control panel. He presses a few buttons, pulls a few levers, and then the ship is slowing down. As it slows, you relax and sit on the floor, starting to doze off once more. Space is nice.

6. Arriving At Shrek's Swamp

"We're here."

Magolor's words rouse you from your half-nap.

You and Marx walk over to him, peering through the windshield.

A dark blue sky surrounds the ship, with clouds drifting slowly in the breeze.

"Fairytale", composed by John Powell and Harry Gregson-Williams, begins to play. Or, as it's better known as: the Shrek (2001) opening music.

Yep, you're definitely on the right Earth.

A crescent moon hangs in the sky. As you peer closer, you realize a young boy is sitting on it, holding a fishing pole.

The clouds swirl around you, and you can see letters moving through them.

You look up, and see that, above you, a giant sign reads "DREAMWORKS".

"I've got a bad feeling about this," Marx comments.

The S at the end of DREAMWORKS suddenly turns green, and you notice it has sprouted ogre horns.

"...A really bad feeling."

The sky begins to fade out, until blackness surrounds the ship.

Then, illuminated against a solid black background, white words fade in.

"DreamWorks Pictures Presents".

"A PDI/DreamWorks Production".

A beam of light cuts through the darkness, and it pans down to a book.

A brown book, with no visible title. Odd.

The book opens, and you hear Shrek start to read it aloud.

"Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess," he begins.

The page turns on its own, and Shrek continues. "But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love's first kiss."

Once again, the page turns, and you wonder how it's doing that.

"She was locked away in a castle, guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon."

"Sounds like my ex," Marx remarks dryly. Magolor snorts at the remark, but you give Marx a weird look. "What? Being locked in a castle or being a fire-breathing dragon?"

"Yes."

Confused and a bit concerned, you slowly turn to look at the book again, listening to Shrek's smooth voice.

"Many brave knights had attempted to free her from the dreadful prison, but none prevailed."

"The knights I've met certainly haven't been 'brave'," Magolor huffs. "They're quite rude, in fact."

"Yeah," you and Marx agree at the same time.

"She waited in the dragon's keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love and true love's first kiss."

Suddenly, Shrek starts laughing. "Like that's ever gonna happen!" You see a giant green hand slam the book shut. "What a load of—whOA—AH!"

"SomeBODY—"

CRASH!

You wince as Magolor's ship suddenly crashes into Shrek's outhouse, probably giving the ogre inside a heart attack.

"...We're here," Magolor says with a nervous "smile" as All Star continues to play in comedic fashion.

As you, Magolor and Marx step off the ship, you see Shrek's demolished outhouse, some churned up earth, and Shrek himself...who clearly just had a heart attack.

"Aye, laddehs!" Shrek snaps. "What's the meaning of all this?!"

"Happy birthday!" Magolor says cheerily.

Shrek roars as he picks up a rock. Before anyone can react, he slams the rock down on Magolor's head with a very cartoonish bonk sound following.

"You're welcome," Magolor replies, still looking happy. Or maybe he just got a little bit of brain damage.

Shrek takes a very defensive stance, and then roars again. It's louder and a lot more powerful this time, though. "WHAT. ARE. YOU DOING. IN. MY. SWAMP?"

7. Run!

The word "swamp" echoes several times.

The three of you stand there for a few moments, seemingly frozen in fear.

Shrek slowly leans closer. "This is the part where you run away," he whispers, smirking a bit.

"Hey guys I think we should run," you suggest.

"Good idea!" Magolor agrees before taking off. You and Marx run after him.

Luckily, it would seem Shrek doesn't follow you.

"Whew," Marx plops down on the ground. "That was quite an entrance, Maggy."

"Hm...I guess maybe I should work on not causing so much collateral damage..." Magolor admits, rubbing what could serve as his chin.

"Talk about a great first impression," you mutter.

"Alright, so what's our plan here?" Marx asks before Magolor can get a retort in.

"Well...we have to rescue King Dedede," you point out.

"We don't have to," Magolor adds. "But it would be—"

"YES WE HAVE TO!" You scream, pressing your face right up against Magolor's. The egg stumbles, clearly caught way off guard by your response.

"Chill," Marx says.

Magolor huffs. "Yes, it would be the right thing to do," he finishes, since you interrupted him before.

"...So we kill Shrek," you insist, banging your fist onto your palm. "And then we rescue Dedede, and we can all go home and have a party." Of course, in your mind, that party would be a wedding.

Magolor's eyes widen, and he quickly slaps his hand over your mouth. "Shh!"

You shove his hand off. "What?" You whisper.

"You can't say that," he sputters, looking scared for some reason.

"Uh...say what?"

"That last word! The P one!"

"What? Par—"

"SHHHHHBIBDOOBA!" He slaps his hand over your mouth more aggressively this time.

You shove his hand off again. "Okay, uh...sorry?"

"It's okay." Magolor glances around. "We just have to hope..."

"Hope that what?"

"...Hope that she didn't hear you..." Magolor narrows his eyes, glaring suspiciously around the surrounding woods and swampland.

He and Marx flinch as a branch cracks in the distance.

"...You two wait here," Magolor says, sounding serious for once.

"Wha—where are you going?" You ask, but Magolor doesn't answer. Instead, he's heading back to where he left his ship, shouting "LOR, FETCH ME MY GUN!" as he does.

Magolor has a gun? Oh dear Nova.

"What's happening?" You ask, growing concerned.

"Don't worry, I'm sure it's nothing," Marx says, but he's still clearly nervous anyway, despite his words.

You hear a distant thump.

It doesn't really help that the swamp is pretty dark.

You almost feel as if...someone is coming towards you. Someone...menacing. Sinister.

Then Magolor returns.

Your eyes widen as you realize he has a shotgun.

You hear another thump, louder this time.

"Go hide," Magolor says, gesturing towards some random bushes. "I'll handle her."

"Who?" You ask, resisting as Marx tries to shove you into the bushes. Well, more like nudge and push you into them, since he doesn't have any arms.

A shadow looms behind Magolor. You try to warn him, but before you can make so much as a single noise, he's knocked to his side. The shotgun goes flying out of his hands, and the shadow picks it up.

Magolor's eyes widen, and he floats backwards, holding his hands out in front of you and Marx to protect you from whatever is here.

The shadow steps out from the darkness of the swamp, and your eyes widen as you see Ke$ha herself staring you down.

She pumps the shotgun, then points it at the three of you.

"Now the party don't start 'til I walk in."

"Don't stop, make it pop! DJ blow my speakers up! To-night, I'ma fight, 'til we see the sunlight. Tick-tock on the clock, but the party don't stop, no, oh whoa whoa-oh! Oh whoa whoa-oh!"

As it did earlier with Shrek, the music seems to radiate from Ke$ha.

"Oh sweet Nova, RUN!" Magolor cries.

The three of you rush blindly through the swamp, trying to outrun the sound of the TiK ToK chorus.

But you can't seem to outrun it. It either stays the same, or gets louder.

You swear Ke$ha is right behind you by now, but you don't dare stop to turn around and look.

You lose track of Marx and Magolor at some point. Has Ke$ha already gotten them? Are they alright? Or were they shot?

The darkness of the swamp swirls around you, and you suddenly slam face-first into a tree. Groaning, you try to stand, only to stumble over as dizziness overtakes you.

You can hear sticks cracking and mud squelching as Ke$ha gets closer.

Looking up, you see her smiling as she pumps her shotgun again.

"No...Ke$ha, please..." you beg, even though deep down, you know your attempt at receiving mercy is in vain.

"I hear your he-ar-art beat to the beat of the drums," she sings, still smiling creepily. "Oh what a shame that you came here with someone!"

Are Marx and Magolor dead? It would really suck if the only person who still liked you was dead. Not to mention you kinda need him to get back home.

"So while you're here in my arms, let's make the most of the night like we're gonna die young!" Ke$ha points the shotgun at you, then shrugs, her smile momentarily fading. "Well, you are, at least." She then smiles again.

You can't die now. You just became King Dedede's assistant!

No. You won't die now.

Ignoring the searing dizziness and oncoming headache, you rise to stand as you pull out your Kitchen Gun. "Bring it on, Ke$ha."

⁌10⁍ ✿ Get in the Dededang Bag ✿

I've also been keeping a list of songs that are either played, sung, or otherwise referenced through this story, and it's a lot longer than I expected. Dededesire full setlist dropping soon? 😳

And we met a new antagonist last chapter, so now we must balance it with...a new protagonist. Or protagonists, technically. Multiverses are wack.

Oh also it's like 6,500 words enjoy

You and Ke$ha face each other, guns drawn like you're in the wild west or something.

Several moments of silence pass.

Neither of you are backing down, but who is going to fire the first shot?

It would appear a surprise third competitor does, seeing as Ke$ha suddenly gets a trident in her hair.

"AH!" She tries to pull it out, but it's all tangled up in her hair. You snort in amusement, which earns you a glare from Ke$ha.

You soon stop your chuckling as weapons begin raining down from the sky. You've heard of raining cats and dogs, but this is ridiculous!

Fortunately, you manage to hide in a bush as Ke$ha gets the worst of the tridents, spears, javelins and axes.

From the safety of the bushes, you begin to chuckle once more.

You watch amusedly as the chain of a mace gets wrapped around Ke$ha's legs, and she's taken down like an AT-AT Walker.

"Tsss...ah!" Seems like Ke$ha hit her knee on that fall.

"Ding dong the wicked witch is dead!" A voice exclaims, and you look up to see who it came from. After a moment or two of squinting through the darkness, you see Trident Knight in the tree above you.

"Not yet." You hear some leaves rustling, and then Axe Knight jumps out of another tree. There seems to be a gleam of darkness in his eyes as he lands beside Ke$ha, axe raised like he's about to behead her. "We must finish her."

"You blundering idiots," a much deeper voice cuts in; and not a moment later, Galacta Knight jumps out of another tree. How many people are hiding in the trees?!

"You cannot defeat this woman in combat," Galacta Knight states, landing rather delicately as he uses his wings to slow his fall. "She must be banished with an alternate method." Turning to Ke$ha, he speaks. "There is no party."

Ke$ha blinks a couple times, then scoffs. "Losers." She stands up, looking annoyed and angrily disappointed. "Call me when you know how to throw a real party."

Dumbfounded, you watch Ke$ha stomp off into the swamp.

Was it really that easy all along? How did Galacta Knight know what to do? You stare at the pink warrior, but he most likely doesn't notice you, seeing as he's a bit occupied with Axe Knight trying to hit him. Key word: trying.

"Why don't you give me your weapon so I can hit myself with it?" Galacta Knight asks in a condescending tone after dodging another axe swing. "That would be more effective than your continuous failed attempts."

"Shut up, Worst Warrior in the Galaxy!"

"I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I AM GALACTA KNIGHT, THE GREATEST WARRIOR IN THE GALAXY. I HAVE MANY CONFIRMED KILLS, AND YOU WILL BE THE NEXT ONE. YOU ARE NOTHING BUT ANOTHER TARGET TO ME..."

"...I could have handled myself against Ke$ha," you mutter as Galacta Knight goes on ranting, although you're not really addressing anyone in particular. Frankly, you're quite confused that the knights decided to "save" you.

"You were going to go up against someone with a shotgun?" Mace Knight asks incredulously.

You wordlessly hold up your Kitchen Gun.

You hear Axe Knight scoff; apparently, he's not interested in Galacta Knight's lecture. "What's that supposed to do—"

BANG BANG BANG!

"Oh okay." He just stares wide-eyed at you after you fire the Kitchen Gun at some unfortunate tree. The same tree that Trident Knight was up in, it would seem, since he promptly tumbles out of it.

You sigh. "Is there anyone ELSE in the trees that I should know about?"

"Hi."

You jump like a cat that saw a cucumber when Javelin Knight suddenly exists behind you.

He seems to feel bad about scaring you, seeing as he draws back a bit. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize!" Axe Knight calls over angrily. "An apology is one of the last things that scoundrel deserves!"

"Sorry Axe—"

"Stop apologizing for apologizing!"

"Sor—I mean, okay...sorry," he whispered the last word.

You facepalm.

Scowling, you glare around at the five knights. "Is there anyone ELSE?" You can see that Sword and Blade aren't on the ground, at least.

You hear some rustling in the leaves, and look up to see Bandana Dee on a tree branch. He waves at you. "I helped too!"

After scanning the trees, you determine that Bandana Dee was the only one still up there.

"How'd you all get here?" You huff.

"...With the Halberd?" Axe Knight asks slowly, as if the answer is obvious. Which, in hindsight, it kind of is.

Your gaze settles on Galacta Knight. "Well, what about you?" You can't imagine that Meta Knight would have let him on the Halberd.

Galacta Knight scoffs, standing tall, even though you're still way taller than him. "I am the Greatest Warrior in the Galaxy! I can instantly teleport to any planet I please."

"No, you were hanging onto the side of the Halberd and screaming the entire way," Axe Knight retorts.

"Silence, mortal!" Galacta Knight snaps. "I will destroy your life in an instant!"

His voice squeaked a bit though, so nobody takes him seriously.

"You will all regret the day you were born!" He threatens, clearly angered by the snickers and laughter that's going around. "I will spread your organs from here to the Bermuda Triangle!" With his empty threats, he flies up and takes off.

That just leaves you and the Meta-Knights on the ground, then. Oh joy.

Well, clearly they're not here to fight you (rather to protect you, it would seem..?), so you safely store away your Kitchen Gun once more.

"Yeah, be glad we showed up," Mace Knight huffs, crossing his arms as he watches you put your weapon away. "I still don't think you stood a chance against a crazy woman with a shotgun."

"Well, I didn't ask you to show up and 'save' me," you shoot back. "I don't need you guys protecting me."

"Protecting?" Axe Knight laughs. "Oh no, we're just supposed to keep you alive because Meta Knight wants to kill you personally."

Mace Knight slaps the smaller knight's helmet. "I'm pretty sure you weren't supposed to say that!"

"Oh...oops."

"What? He couldn't come here to kill me himself?" You roll your eyes. "What a coward."

"Shut up! You're just jealous that you can't be half as great as he is!" Trident Knight snaps. He throws a trident at you, which you manage to dodge.

"Meta Knight would never back down from a fight!" Mace Knight insists.

"We'll see who's a coward when you're getting gutted alive," Axe Knight says a bit ominously.

While Javelin Knight doesn't say anything, he does copy Trident Knight by throwing a javelin at you.

Sheesh. Why are they all so angry and violent?

You manage to dodge the other weapon that was thrown your way.

Hm...it would probably be best to drop this dumb argument, but you can't help but smile at the single word that comes to mind. "Susie." You glance over at Mace Knight.

The taller knight seems confused. "What about her?"

"Oh, nothing...except for the fact your oh-so-mighty Meta Knight takes off whenever she shows up."

"He-He isn't afraid of her!" Trident Knight butts in, but you note the stutter in his voice.

"...Is he afraid of her?" Mace Knight asks quietly. "I thought he just had a crush on her and got really nervous whenever she showed up."

A few moments of silence follow Mace Knight's dumb assumption.

"Macey, you are so dense sometimes," Axe Knight says flatly.

Mace Knight just glances off to the side, seeming a bit embarrassed.

"Well, anyway..." Axe Knight begins to approach you, and you become slightly concerned when you realize he has a large sack.

He stares up at you, holding the sack open. "Get in the bag."

30 seconds later, you're walking through the swamp, leaving behind four knights that had been Kitchen Gun'd.

Bandana Dee hops out of a tree, running to catch up to you. "You didn't have to shoot them!"

"They were trying to kidnap me," you reply a bit irritably. Frankly, you wanted to do more than shoot them.

"Well...not really," Bandana Dee argues. "Axe Knight kind of gave you the option of getting in the bag—"

"More like demanded. And that's still kidnapping!"

"O...kay, I guess it is," the Waddle Dee finally admits.

"Glad we agree."

The two of you continue on through the swamp in silence. You've decided that heading back to Magolor's ship would be a good place to start looking.

"Where are Marx and Magolor?" Bandana Dee asks after a couple more minutes, breaking the silence.

"I don't know; I lost them when Ke$ha was chasing us." You shrug. "Where's Sir Squawk-A-Lot? Or Sword and Blade?"

"Captain Vul is still on the Halberd with Sailor Dee, if that's who you mean. Sword and Blade stayed in Dreamland to help Meta Knight," Bandana Dee tells you. You don't even have to ask for an explanation, as the Waddle Dee goes on. "I think Captain Vul is afraid of this place...I'm not sure why, all he said was something about a cat with boots? And a sword, I think? I'm not sure." He shrugs.

"But more importantly, we need to find Magolor and Marx." The Waddle Dee takes the lead, and you let him. Apparently he's not afraid of you, even after everything you've done.

Oh okay, maybe he is, you think, after noticing that he keeps walking faster.

You spot a sign, and briefly slow down to look at it. It reads "BEWARE: OGRE", and has a crudely drawn image of Shrek's face on it. You must be getting closer to Shrek's home.

In the distance, you can spot Magolor's ship. You sigh in relief when you also see him near it, doing what would appear to be some repairs.

"You're alive!" Bandana Dee exclaims once the two of you get to the ship. "I was worried you had been shot!"

Magolor gives him a couple head pats. "Don't worry, I can't be killed. Unlike Escargoon, I'm an important character!"

"Um...what?" Bandana Dee looks up at him, seeming confused and concerned.

"Where's Marx?" You ask. Not that you particularly care about his whereabouts, but you're curious anyway.

"He's working inside," Magolor answers, sounding like his usual cheery self despite the fact he'd been chased by Ke$ha through a dark swamp like 10 minutes ago.

"How's he gonna do that with no arms," you huff.

"He manages...somehow." Magolor shrugs.

You blink in confusion.

"I...guess I'll go help, I'm sure he could use the extra pair of hands. Literally!" Bandana Dee winks. Magolor chuckles at the bad pun, while you either roll your eyes and groan or also chuckle. Depends how you feel about bad puns, I guess.

Magolor glances over at you, his yellow eyes glowing with friendliness. However you were even able to determine that from two glowing ovals, well, I don't know.

"So where were you?" He asks.

"Out in the swamp," you answer.

"Well, yes, of course." Magolor rolls his eyes a bit, though his tone remains friendly. "What happened to you, though?"

You stiffen up. "Th-The knights," you sputter. "They were in the trees."

You flinch suddenly as you hear a thump from behind you. Turning around, you find Trident Knight there on the ground. Huffing, he stands up, and you notice he has the sack from earlier.

Did he try to jump on you from behind, only to misjudge the distance? That's what it would seem like.

"Just get in the bag so we can go home!" He attempts to throw the sack over you, but you just sidestep it.

"...Why is he trying to kidnap you?" Magolor questions slowly, sounding confused.

"Apparently Meta Knight wants to kill me, so his idiots are following me around and trying to get me in that sack." You shrug, far from concerned about the fact you've got four people trying to kidnap you. Probably because of how dumb and clumsy they tend to be.

"That's just like him," Magolor huffs. "Having those four do all the work for him. If I didn't know better, I'd call it laziness."

You notice that Trident Knight seemed to twitch at the word "laziness".

"Absolutely not! We hate laziness!" Seemingly forgetting about you, he tosses the sack over Magolor's head. Magolor, being Magolor, doesn't really seem to realize it right away. "Hey, who turned the lights out?"

Trident Knight looks surprised that he managed to capture Magolor that easily, but then he shrugs it off. "You're still in the top 5 on Meta Knight's hit list...I guess you'll do for now." With that, he begins to drag the sack off as Magolor starts to hum. "Carry me home, na na na na na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na..."

"Uh...who are the other 4?" You ask, a bit concerned that Meta Knight apparently has more than 5 people he's looking to kill.

"None of your business!" Trident Knight retorts defensively.

"Hmph." You cross your arms. "Well, you're not getting Magolor."

BANG BANG BANG!

After Kitchen Gunning Trident Knight, you pull the sack off Magolor.

"Did he just try to kidnap me?" Magolor huffs. "How rude." Acting as if almost getting kidnapped was but a minor inconvenience, he goes back over to his ship and resumes working on the repairs.

"Anything I can help with?" You offer.

"Hm...yes, if you could find this one crucial ship part that somehow wound up on the other side of the planet, that would help."

You simply blink. "Bruh."

You hear loud footsteps coming towards the two of you. Shrinking back in fear, you notice Magolor does the same.

Then, from a swath of swamp plants, comes Shrek.

"I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying ogre!" He exclaims, throwing his hands up. "What do I have to do to get a little privacy?!"

"Uh...ask nicely?" You shrug.

Meanwhile, Magolor's response is to slowly go inside his ship.

"Oh, alright then." Shrek smiles at you. Then, suddenly, he roars/screams in your face. "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Drawing back, he wipes the corner of his mouth. "There. Now go away, before I taunt you a second time."

"Understandable, have a great day." You spin around on your heels and casually walk away.

"Bye-bye!" Shrek calls cheerily, yet sarcastically. "See ya' never again."

You continue on through the swamp, not really sure of what destination you even have in mind now.

Wait a minute, Shrek kidnapped King Dedede! You have to go kill him and rescue Dedede!

Feeling anger rise up through you, you pull out your Kitchen Gun and start to stomp back towards where you left Shrek.

Along the way, you slow down a bit to listen to the voices you pick up from some bushes.

"Clearly we have to take a difference approach with this." That sounds like Mace Knight.

"Hm...yeah. We can cripple them," you hear Axe Knight reply thoughtfully. "It should be easier to get them in the bag, then."

"No." Mace Knight sounds exasperated. "Besides, you know how Meta Knight is. He won't want to kill someone unless they can actually put up a fight."

"Well, we can still cripple them and just not tell Meta Knight—"

"As if he wouldn't notice!"

"...Maybe we could cause some internal bleeding then—"

"Axe! Violence isn't always the answer."

"Well, yeah. Violence is the question, and the answer is yes."

"No!"

By now, you've stopped walking, quite invested in hearing this conversation.

"Just let me handle this," Mace Knight grumbles. You hear some leaves rustling, and then, somehow, he's right in front of you.

You stand there as he holds up the bag. He appears to be smiling, but then again, it's not like you can really tell. "♪ Get in the bag! ♪"

You give him a weird look. "No."

Mace Knight just stares at you for a moment before holding the bag up again. "♪ Please get in the bag! ♪"

"No, I don't want to."

Once again, Mace Knight continues to stare up at you. For a brief moment, you see his gaze divert from yours, and he gives a very small nod.

You're suddenly whacked in the back of the head with the blunt side of an axe, and then the world goes black.

When you awake, it's dark. Because you're in a sack.

The sack is getting tugged along, and it seems your captors don't care about your well being very much, seeing as you're dragged over a couple of rocks.

"Ow," you remark pointedly after being dragged over a particularly sharp one.

"Uh oh, they're awake," you hear Mace Knight remark a bit nervously, and you notice the sack stops being dragged.

"Don't worry," Axe Knight replies. You hear some rustling, and then his voice sounds closer. "I'll take care of it."

"Put the axe down."

"You are no fun." As he mutters something else, you hear him walk away.

The sack is then dragged along once more.

Welp, if you're getting kidnapped, why not make some small talk?

"So how was your guys' days?" You ask casually.

"Shut the hell up," Axe Knight rudely replies, his tone condescending and slightly annoyed.

"Hmph." You cross your arms inside the sack.

"My day was quite fun, actually," Mace Knight says. "At least someone asks me how my day is." That sounded like a pretty pointed remark.

"You shut up too," Axe Knight half mutters and half scoffs.

Dang, someone's angry at the world.

Kind of like his boss, huh.

Well, since Meta Knight is currently on another planet, unfortunately you can't annoy him right now. But his underling, who may as well be called Mini Knight, is a suitable alternative.

"So what's your opinion on the socioeconomic state of Dreamland?" You inquire.

"Politics are stupid, talk to me about skulls and monster trucks instead," Axe Knight huffs.

The dragging suddenly halts. "Did you hear that?" Mace Knight asks.

"Hear what?" Axe Knight asks a bit annoyedly. His voice sounds further away, as if he's still walking ahead.

"It sounded like...I'm not sure. Nothing good, though."

"Well, walk faster, then. Maybe it's Shrek coming to eat you!" Axe Knight exclaims in a mocking, spooked tone.

"Not funny, Axe!" Mace Knight sounds genuinely scared, which makes you chuckle a bit.

You're not chuckling for long though, as the sack is then dragged along again, and your head collides with another rock. "OW!"

"Oops." While Mace Knight doesn't apologize, at least he kind of acknowledged the mistake. That's more than you'd get from Axe or Trident.

Sadly, the journey continues in silence. How tragic.

You assume they're taking you to the Halberd. While you could probably just force your way out of the sack now, well...if they want to kidnap you so bad, you're gonna make sure they regret it. By shooting up the Halberd and probably making it explode, of course.

"Hey..." You pipe up again. "Have you guys heard?"

"Heard what?" Mace Knight asks, while Axe Knight just ignores you.

"The word," you say.

"...The word?" Mace Knight questions, dragging it out in a confused tone.

You smile inside the sack. "About the bird."

Before Mace Knight can even answer, you start singing in a Peter Griffin voice. "A-well-a bird bird bird, b-bird's the word, a-well-a bird bird bird, bird is the word, a-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word a-well-a bird..."

Mace Knight sighs as you go on singing Surfin' Bird, and you can imagine that he's facepalming.

You suddenly hear something collide with the ground to your left. A second later, your sack prison is jerked sharply in the opposite direction.

"Axe!" Mace Knight scolds. "Meta Knight was quite clear in saying we have to bring this person back alive!"

Well then, that thing colliding with the ground was probably an axe.

"What's the point of dragging them back home when I could just end this all right here and do Meta Knight a favor?" Is Axe Knight's retort.

"...He won't be happy," Mace Knight points out.

"I will gladly accept any punishment he may give if it means I get to kill this scoundrel. You can't unkill people, after all." Axe Knight doesn't sound too concerned about the consequences that may come from killing you. Uh oh.

"Well what if, what if he demotes you?" At least you've got Mace Knight still vouching for you...kind of.

"He would never do that. I'm his favorite."

"Wh—since when are you the favorite? I'm pretty sure he doesn't pick favorites with us, anyway!"

"Uh...Sword and Blade?"

"...Oh, well...they're...different."

"Sure Macey, whatever helps you sleep at night." You hear him walking off, then, after a couple seconds, Mace follows him, dragging along the sack you're still stuck in.

"Besides," you hear Axe Knight add. "Meta picked me to be his partner in Dedede's battle royale. That means I'm the favorite."

Mace Knight huffs at that. "No! I bet he just picked you because...um...he wanted to watch you get beat up by Kirby!" He sounds quite proud of himself for coming up with that one.

You hear Axe Knight stop walking. Mace Knight soon does the same. Silence stretches between them for a few moments, until Axe finally speaks.

"You take that back." His voice sounds angry, serious, a bit deeper, and...a bit hurt, maybe?

"No." While Mace Knight doesn't back down, his voice is nowhere near as confident or firm as it should be. Rather, he sounds pretty uncertain, and even a bit worried.

To think this argument all started because of you singing Surfin' Bird. You snort in amusement.

Silence. It stretches on for an awkward amount of time.

Then you hear a weapon being drawn.

"Axe no no no, NO—"

"I'm going to make the Geneva Convention a Geneva Suggestion!"

Suddenly, it would seem, you begin to hear something in the distance.

It sounds like some sort of pounding...it's steady, shaking the trees around you. And it's rapidly getting closer.

When you're not axed in half, you assume the other two have heard it as well, and have decided to forgo your murder to try and see what the heck that noise is.

It doesn't really matter, as the noise soon reveals itself.

You briefly hear someone running. Someone very strong, you think, judging by how heavy and firm the rapid steps sound.

"AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA!"

The swampy forest seems to explode around you.

"DUN DUN DUN DUNNN...DUN DUN DUN DUN!"

John Cena?! What the heck is he doing here?!

"Kidnapping isn't cool, guys!" John Cena exclaims in a reprimanding tone. Even though you can't see anything, you can imagine that the WWE wrestler has a very menacing presence over the two short knights (then again, they're from Dreamland, the place where everyone is short...except Dedede, he's tall and handsome).

"I told you I heard something earlier!" Mace Knight complains.

"You're afraid of the toaster! Do you expect me to take you seriously?" Axe Knight retorts.

"Your time is up, my time is now! You can't see me, my time is now!"

As John Cena's theme continues to blare, you can hear some screaming, cursing, and metal-hitting-tree noises.

You suppose it's safe to assume that John Cena just yeeted your captors off. Or maybe he's beating them up, you're not too sure.

You decide to wait in the sack until it's all over. Even if it sounds like John Cena is here to rescue you, you don't want to risk coming out of the bag and then getting beat up.

Gradually, the sounds of anger and protest begin to die out, and John Cena's theme fades out along with them.

The swamplands fall silent.

Then John Cena's voice cuts through the silence, as clear as Magolor's "top secret, super foolproof" plans.

"Alright, you can come out now. I made sure they'll be gone for a while."

You slowly sit up and lift the sack off of your head.

But there's no one there.

"I'm over here," you hear John Cena call. But when you turn towards his voice, you're greeted by an empty, dark swamp.

"Huh? Oh, my bad." John Cena suddenly fades into view, waving his hand in front of his face.

You gasp.

Your eyes draw upwards to John Cena. He's standing tall in the clearing, hands on his hips. With his tough biceps and abs, WWE belt, and trademarked "U 🚫C ME" hat, he is, unmistakably, John Cena.

"You alright?" He asks.

You nod. "Yeah...Thanks for saving me, John Cena."

The wrestler smiles. "No problem. That's what I'm here for."

What? Does he just hang around here to rescue people who have been kidnapped, or has he been sent to protect you specifically? Confused, you tilt your head up at John Cena. "Why are you here, though?"

John Cena frowns a bit. "To be honest, I'm not sure. One minute I was back on Earth, then I somehow wound up here with a bunch of other famous people."

There were other famous people around? Hm...that could possibly explain Ke$ha being here earlier, then.

"Sounds like there's some weird multiverse stuff going on here," you mumble, mostly to yourself. John Cena claimed he'd been on Earth, and yet the planet you're currently on is supposed to be Earth!

Then again, there was the whole "multiple Earths" explanation that Meta Knight was going off about.

You only vaguely understand it.

It would probably be better to ask someone who has a better understanding of galaxy and planet stuff; surely Magolor can help.

"I have a friend who might be able to give us some answers," you offer. "Do you want to come with me and go see him?"

"On one hand, I would love to. But I think I can hear those two coming back," John Cena remarks, glancing to the side with a slightly annoyed look. "I should go take care of them again." John Cena then turns to you, handing you a small device.

It would appear to be a flip phone. What brand is it? John Cena brand, apparently, seeing as it just says "U 🚫C ME" on it, and is painted black and green.

"If you ever need my help again, use this," he says.

"But what if you're busy?" You question. You can't imagine having your own personal John Cena, after all.

John Cena smiles. "Don't worry, there are multiple Cenas. But we all share the same conscious. There will always be a Cena available to help you."

Okay, what.

"Farewell, my friend!" John Cena smiles and waves at you. Then, you watch as he suddenly turns, getting into a runner's crouch before he takes off running with alarming speed.

"AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA!"

"Dammit, Mace, I told you this was a bad ide—EA!"

"Oh sweet Nova please no—NOOOO!"

THWACK!

Leaving John Cena to beat up the two in peace, you tuck the John Cena phone into your pocket, turn around and try to retrace the path you were dragged through.

Good thing you didn't overestimate the intelligence level of those two, as it would seem they dragged you in a straight line, judging by the path that's clearly been marked in the slightly damp ground.

You're able to retrace the route back to the spot where you were first kidnapped. From there, you walk to Magolor's ship. The brief journey is uneventful, with no major wackiness for once (unless you want to count that one poor frog who had been blown up into a balloon). The entire walk takes about 10 minutes. 10 minutes of swamp, swamp, and more swamp. Shrektastic.

When you finally make it back, you find that there's no one outside. Did everyone get kidnapped by Shrek or the other two knights? Surely not...right?

You cautiously poke your head inside the ship, only to sigh in relief when you find that Magolor, Bandana Dee, and Marx are all there.

You frown in confusion when you find that Galacta Knight is also there.

As you step aboard the ship, you realize that he's arguing with Magolor.

Magolor dramatically rolls his eyes at whatever Galacta Knight said. "I don't know, it seems like the right place to me!" As he goes on, he makes sharp gestures with his hands. "That's clearly the ogre we're looking for, is it not?"

"No, it isn't," Galacta Knight practically growls; it's obvious he's pretty annoyed and angry. That's not very surprising though, considering how short-tempered he is. "I'm not sure if you noticed, but the one we are looking for is much larger. Taller than the castle, if you remember. This is a normal-sized ogre."

"Well he looks the same and talks the same," Magolor replies, starting to look a bit befuddled now as he rubs his head. "Maybe he changes size?"

"Ogres do not have that capability," Galacta Knight hisses, stepping closer to Magolor, who nervously backs up a bit. "It is simple: this is the wrong ogre. You are on the wrong planet. Must I spell this out even more for you?"

"I don't know, it seemed like Shrek to me," you put in, shrugging.

Galacta Knight turns around to glare at you. "Did you see an axe sticking out of its leg? Was it several stories tall? Has it shown any indication of recognizing you? Did it make any mention of Dedede, let alone any of the events that happened in Dreamland? No, it did not."

You frown a bit. Dang it, why does he have to make sense?

It seems Magolor is finally starting to believe him, at least. "Okay...so how are we supposed to find the Shrek we're looking for?"

For a brief moment, Galacta Knight seems to falter. His eyes widen a bit into an unsure expression. Before anyone else can pick up on his uncertainty, he scoffs and narrows his eyes. "That is for you to figure out! This situation has nothing to do with me."

"Then why are you here?" Marx asks flatly, an unamused expression on his face.

Galacta Knight turns away, putting out the same condescending vibe Meta Knight usually has. "Not that it is any of your business, but Meta Knight offered me payment to make sure his knights don't do anything overly stupid and get themselves killed."

"In that case, you'll probably wanna go check on Axe and Mace, 'cause when I left them they were getting beat up by John Cena," you say, gesturing in the direction you came from with a thumb.

Galacta Knight stares at you blankly for a couple moments. Then, scowling, he stomps off the ship, not seeming to care that his wings smacked a couple of you along the way.

"...John Cena?" Magolor questions, glancing over at you. "Did you actually see him?" He asks excitedly. "Whenever I've tried looking up pictures of him, there's just nothing there," he explains, now looking sad.

"I saw him," you nod. "And he told me that he somehow wound up here with a bunch of other famous people...I think there's some weird multiverse stuff going on, and I was wondering if you'd be able to help me with some answers about that." You decide to leave the subject of multiple John Cenas with one shared conscious for another time.

"Hm..." Magolor looks thoughtful. "The easiest explanation is that a portal opened on their planet and brought them here. The hard part, now, is trying to explain why it seems to have only brought various influencers who have no relation to each other." You watch as he floats over to one of the screens and begins typing at a keyboard.

As he types, you wince at how loud it is. Must be mechanical blue switches.

You notice Bandana Dee is wincing at the sound too. It doesn't help that Magolor's typing very fast, making the clicking much more prevalent.

Sheesh, that thing is loud.

"So far we've encountered Ke$ha, Miley Cyrus, and now John Cena..." Magolor glances out the door, seemingly warily. "And I think I heard Big Time Rush out there earlier, too."

"Miley Cyrus?" You ask, confused. "When did you guys see her?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Marx mutters.

"So far, John Cena is the only one we know for sure came through this hypothetical portal," Magolor says, turning away from the screen and rubbing his nonexistent chin. "I don't believe Ke$ha did, as I've encountered her on other planets. I think she's one of those weird exceptions that just materializes on a planet whenever someone says the word we shall not say."

"Party."

You stiffen in horror as someone says the word.

Magolor, Marx, and Bandana Dee respond in the same way.

Looking towards the doorway, you see Trident Knight there. Even though he just blinks at you, you're certain that he knows full well what he just did, and is quite satisfied about it.

As sticks begin to crack ominously in the distance, Trident Knight just backs up, waves, then turns and begins to run off.

"I'm telling Meta Knight you committed domestic terrorism!" You shout after him. In hindsight though, you realize he probably won't care, even if he believes you. It's easy enough to imagine that his underlings have committed murder, arson, and even war crimes. It wouldn't surprise you at all if Meta Knight just turned a blind eye to these things.

Magolor is clearly beginning to panic. "We have to get out of here!" He exclaims, his yellow eyes stretched wide as he begins rapidly typing at a control panel. "Marx! Get the rage comics!" He calls, pulling a lever to shut the door to the ship.

"I...I don't think those will be enough," Marx replies as he hops/rolls over on his ball to where Magolor is. "We need something more modern—"

"But not too modern!" Bandana Dee cuts in fretfully.

You frown slightly in confusion, pushing down the wave of anxiety that rises in your chest when you can hear the cracking sticks getting closer from outside. You've deduced by now that Magolor's ship runs on memes, somehow, but what's the big deal about modern memes? Is there a reason everything you've seen so far is stale?

"...The rage comics will do," Magolor decides after a brief moment of thought. "If those aren't fast enough, I'll pull up Ricardo Milos again so we can go to hyperspeed."

You watch, befuddled, as Bandana Dee runs over to another screen and begins downloading rage comics from Google Images at an alarming speed.

From there, you continue to watch as he repeatedly slaps a button labeled "PRINT", with some weird symbols next to it (presumably the Halcandran translation). Rage comics begin flying out of the printer with speed graced by Sonic the Hedgehog himself.

About 5 seconds later, Bandana Dee has amassed a huge pile of rage comics. He flinches a bit as you all hear Ke$ha getting closer. Righting himself, the Dee runs over to Magolor, who begins to take the rage comics from the pile as he shoves them into a compartment.

How the heck do a bunch of papers with dead memes on them power an entire ship?!

Marx is overlooking, glancing at the rage comics as Magolor continues to rapidly load them in. At one point, his eyes widen. He opens his mouth to say something, but Magolor's already shoved the next rage comic in before he can make so much as a sound.

"M-Magolor," he sputters. "That wasn't a rage comic."

"Oh, well whatever it was, it should be fine," Magolor replies a bit nonchalantly, finally getting the rest of the rage comics in there. Once finished, he gives a "whew" and wipes his forehead. "All set, we should be ready to take off in—"

"Magolor!" Marx practically cries. You grow concerned when you see just how worried the armless lavender puff looks. "That was Trollge. You know, a modern meme?!"

"Troll...ge?" The way Magolor asks it makes it obvious that he has no idea what Marx is talking about. "Is that not just trollface?"

"It's part of the post-ironic phase," Marx briefly explains. "It started from the troll face, but this one is an evolved version that was created as rage comics began to make an ironic comeback. It is very recent."

Magolor's eyes slowly widen.

You tilt your head in confusion.

Bandana Dee looks worried.

Magolor whips around suddenly, pulling up the lever to open the door. "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

"AAAAAHHHH!" Marx and Bandana Dee scream as they run off the ship (or roll, in Marx's case. No, he would not leave his ball behind, even in a seemingly life-threatening situation apparently).

"Uh...what," you ask, quite dumbfounded.

"She's gonna blow!" Magolor cries, shoving you along as he evacuates the ship last.

Even when you're outside, Magolor keeps shoving you along. Eventually, you finally get the hint and start to run for yourself. Bandana Dee and Marx are up ahead, still running.

In the distance, you could have sworn you heard someone say "This is it, Luigi."

You hear the explosion before you feel it. It is loud, almost deafening. It seems to shake the very Earth.

The swamplands around you seem to explode in a surge of heat. You begin to worry that the trees and plants around you may catch on fire. What if you all became trapped in a ring of fire?

Another shockwave follows, making the air itself vibrate around you. You cover your ears, wincing at the bass-boosted noise. At least you're somewhat used to the noise, seeing as there's plenty of Waddle Dees back at home who like to drive around in their cars while blaring muffled hardcore rap.

Then another one comes for some reason. This shockwave is much stronger, strong enough to make you collapse to the ground. Glancing up, you see that the sky has run red.

As the third (and hopefully the last) shockwave subsides, the swamp begins to grow quiet.

Save for the distant sound of crackling, silence surrounds you.

As you lie there on the floor of the burnt swamp, you can hear someone approaching you.

Despite the fact that the steps approaching you sound cautious rather than menacing, you assume it's Ke$ha.

You're too weak to look up to confirm if your assumption is true, let alone can you muster enough energy to tell her that there's no party.

You have no idea where Magolor, Marx, or Bandana Dee have wound up, or if they're safe.

All you know is that everything is doomed. Magolor's ship blew up, the swamp is probably on fire, and you're still no closer to rescuing Dedede than you were before.

Slumping over, you resign to your fate. If getting shot by Ke$ha while trying to rescue King Dedede is how you're meant to go, then so be it.

⁌11⁍ ✿ Dededetainment ✿

You're not sure what exactly you were expecting to happen next. A shotgun blast? Hearing Ke$ha's laugh? Maybe miraculously, John Cena?

Whatever you were expecting, it sure wasn't something sharp and metal poking at you.

You don't react at first, even when the metal object lifts up your arm. Instead, you let it flop back down.

"You better be alive."

You groan inwardly when you recognize the higher-pitched, condescending voice that belongs to Axe Knight.

For a brief moment, you wish it was Ke$ha who had found you. But then you remember the sheer, blind terror you felt earlier, trying to outrun her through a dark swamp, and quickly decide that a rude knight who probably despises you is a better alternative.

Hm...what would happen if you did play dead?

You lie there motionlessly.

There's a few seconds of awkward silence.

You yelp in surprise as you're kicked hard in your side, your eyes shooting open.

"I'm not stupid," Axe Knight scoffs, not seeming very amused. In fact, he looks pretty annoyed and mildly angry. Then again, he always seems to have an attitude.

You huff, glaring at him as you slowly manage to push yourself up off the ground. You really want to argue against the statement he just made, but decide it's better to keep your mouth shut right now.

It's safe to assume that Axe Knight didn't have a very enjoyable time getting beat up by John Cena. Not only would he appear to be in a bad mood, but there's a noticeable dent in his helmet, a crack in his mask that's geniusly held together by a piece of scotch tape, and one of the horns on his helmet is crooked. At least he still has it though, unlike Galacta Knight.

"Come on," he says in a tone that makes it clear he isn't in the mood for any of your crap.

"No," you scoff, folding your arms across your chest as you glare down at him. Of course, you're not sure where he's planning to take you, but you rightfully assume he's still trying to kidnap you.

Axe Knight just blinks, staring up at you with an unreadable expression for a moment or two before he scowls and mutters something. "Fine, be that way then." Grabbing his axe, he whacks your kneecaps with the blunt side of it, making you crumple to the ground.

As you fall, he grabs you by the back of your shirt and begins to drag you through the swamp.

How rude.

"So much for knights and their chivalry," you mutter, making an effort to hold onto the ground so that it's harder for him to drag you.

"Chivalry is dead and I killed it," Axe Knight retorts. "Now shut up."

You scoff.

The journey continues in silence for a couple minutes. Everything is silent except for the swamp noises around you. What noises does a swamp even make? Maybe stuff like "plurp" or "blorp", but that's about it. Swamps aren't very talkative.

You do begin to hear something besides the plurps and blorps, however. It sounds like...some sort of rap beat, and then you hear an engine revving.

Before you can formally question it, you hear a squeal of tires, and then the sound of a car that's going very fast.

There's a sudden thud from behind you, and you turn around just in time to see Axe Knight go flying off.

The vehicle screeches to a halt. As your eyes lay upon the vehicle that just hit him, you gasp.

A man comes out of the car, which looks exactly like his face, and you exclaim his name.

"Wow! DaBaby!"

DaBaby does the thing where he points at his face and smiles. "Les goooooo."

When you continue to just sit there and stare at him in stunned silence, DaBaby stops smiling and gives you a bit of an exasperated look. "No, but really. Come on, get in."

"O-Oh, okay." You shakily stand up. DaBaby is inviting you inside the DaBaby Car for no reason? Cool.

DaBaby gets inside the car, and you get into the passenger seat.

It's a pretty weird car. There aren't any windows except for the windshield, and the only thing that really makes it a "car" are the wheels. Not to mention the fact it's literally just DaBaby's head.

As DaBaby shifts the gear from park to drive, you glance off in the direction that Axe Knight got launched. "I'm pretty sure that was a hit and run," you remark.

"Wouldn't be the first time I committed a crime," DaBaby shrugs. With a smile, he looks over at you. "Did you know that in 2018, I shot and killed a 19 year old who tried to rob me at a Walmart and was never charged with his death?"

You blink, your eyes widening a bit. "Wait what-"

"LES GOOOOOO!" DaBaby stomps on the gas pedal, making you go flying back in your seat as the car speeds forward.

You're not even sure where you're going, but you think DaBaby just saved you from getting kidnapped again, so you suppose it would only be fair if you went along with him to wherever he's going.

The ride becomes bumpy all of a sudden, and you grab onto the center console as you struggle to retain your balance. It's probably your fault for not putting a seatbelt on, though.

"Man, that's a lot of speedbumps," DaBaby remarks.

Your eyes widen. "There aren't any speedbumps here-"

"DWEE! DWEE! AAAHHH! DWEE!"

You wince as you hear panicked Waddle Dee noises and screaming. How did a bunch of Waddle Dees even get on this planet? You don't know, but you figure they're kind of like rodents - they probably sneak onto ships, repopulate, then run out to spread their stupidity among other planets.

Rescuing these Dees probably would have earned you some brownie points with King Dedede, but you were kind of too busy sitting there mortified as DaBaby just kept running them over, turning the rap beat up higher and smiling as he said "les goooo".

Man. You thought getting to ride in the DaBaby car would be a cool experience, but instead it's just traumatizing.

You wind up in a small village that's close to Shrek's swamp. DaBaby barrels through a bunch of innocent pedestrians with no remorse.

The terrified screams of the townspeople echo in your head.

Is this how Kirby felt when you tried to kidnap him yesterday, you wonder?

HONK HONK SCREEEEEECH!

"AHHH!" You scream as the DaBaby car suddenly crashes against a building. It rolls over onto its side, and you fall out of the passenger seat and land on the hard, cobblestone ground outside. The seemingly constant "les gooooo"ing of the DaBaby car continues, sounding even louder now as smoke billows from the car. Er..."car".

You glance behind you as you stand up and brush yourself off. What the heck was that all about?

You glance up and see that DaBaby is doing the Take The L Fortnite dance on top of the DaBaby car.

You try not to cringe too hard - you don't need to accidentally pop out your spine or something.

"Les goooo, les goooo, les goooo, les goooo, les goooo-"

"Enough!" A familiar bubbly voice cuts in.

You simply stare as Magolor floats over towards the front of the car, hands on his ears. "You're so loud!" He complains, even though the DaBaby car isn't even that loud in the first place - just annoying and repetitive. Given his big ears, though, you guess Magolor's just sensitive to noise.

He makes a sweeping motion with his hand, and a portal suddenly opens up. Looking inside the portal, you get a glimpse of what seems to be...raining corndogs?

Magolor, frighteningly enough, then manages to shove the DaBaby car inside the portal, with DaBaby on top of it. You stare in stunned silence as Magolor condemns DaBaby to the land of corndogs.

For a moment, the portal remains open. You watch as DaBaby hops off the car, looking around at the corndogs in confusion.

Just when you thought things couldn't get any weirder, Uncle Grandpa walks up to him and waves. "Good morning!"

DaBaby stares at Uncle Grandpa for a moment before his gaze drifts downwards to Belly Bag, aka the red fanny pack that Uncle Grandpa wears. He gasps and points at Belly Bag. "Among Us."

Belly Bag must not have liked that, seeing as he promptly stabs the man in the left lung with a corndog.

You gasp as DaBaby falls onto a bed of corndogs. Despite the fact he's bleeding out from the corndog wound, he seems happy. "Amogus," he whispers before slumping over.

And that's when the portal closes.

You slowly look away from the empty space, staring at Magolor.

Well then, you're glad he's your friend. Otherwise that could've been you who was condemned to a corndog-filled death.

Neither of you speak, but Magolor gives you a friendly expression and nods. You have a feeling he read your thoughts, and was silently assuring you that he's your friend, and would never send you to corn dogs land.

"...I didn't know you could do that," you remark.

"Oh, there's a lot of things I can do," Magolor replies nonchalantly, waving his hand. Despite his semi-ominous words, his tone is friendly.

Reunited now, the two of you briefly catch up as you walk back into the swamp. You tell him about how "that stupid axe guy" tried to kidnap you again, only to get hit by DaBaby car, and then DaBaby had you get in his car for some reason just so he could run over a bunch of pedestrians and then crash into a wall. Pretty weird when you think about it. Oh well, DaBaby's dead now.

Magolor tells you he ran into Shrek again. He explains how Shrek did not, in fact, have an axe lodged in his kneecap, nor did he recognize Magolor or seem to know anything about King Dedede, thus confirming everything Galacta Knight had been insisting.

So now the two of you had to go find Marx and Bandana Dee, and then rebuild Magolor's ship so you could try to look for Shrek on another planet Earth. How exhausting.

"I feel like you could solve half our problems by sending them to corn dogs land," you mutter as the two of you trek through the swamp.

"Well...to be honest, sometimes I forget about some of the things I can do," Magolor giggles a bit. "I actually just remembered corn dogs land a few minutes ago. Before DaBaby, I met this guy in the village who wouldn't stop talking about ARMS, the 2017 fighting game for the Nintendo Switch, so I shoved him into a portal because I couldn't bear listening to any more of it. And afterwards I thought 'aw, I should have sent him to corn dogs land instead of some random place'." You give Magolor a weird look as he casually admits to sending some poor soul to a random universe.

"ARMS? What about LEGS?" You both stop short as Marx suddenly hops out of a bush in front of you, smiling stupidly.

You and Magolor stare at him in silence, and Marx frowns. "Y'know, instead of ARMS, it's LEGS? ARMS? LEGS? Get it?" He's clearly very proud of himself for coming up with this one.

The three of you flinch as the Seinfeld theme suddenly begins blaring from the sky, along with hysterical laughter, cheering and applause. A bolt of lightning flashes, and you gasp as a hand suddenly reached out and grabs Marx.

He struggles, and the figure comes out of the bushes. You stare in shocked silence when you recognize the man as Jerry Seinfeld himself.

Jerry Seinfeld smiles evilly before grabbing Marx with both hands and then dragging him into the deep, dark depths of the swamp.

You and Magolor stand there for a few moments as the swamp falls silent, save for the general swamp noises.

"...I don't think we'll see Marx again for a while," Magolor slowly remarks, sounding concerned.

"Fine with me," you shrug. It's not like you'll really miss the company of the failed comedian. Whether you want to apply that sentence to Marx or Jerry Seinfeld is your choice.

"We probably shouldn't make any more bad jokes." Magolor floats backwards a bit. "Or maybe any jokes at all, just to be safe." He blinks a couple times before looking over at you indignantly, his eyes narrowed. "And hey, Marx is a very good friend of mine!"

You hold up your hands defensively. "I know, I know. Sorry."

Magolor closes his eyes and nods happily. "You're forgiven." Unlike someone, he won't hold a grudge for hundreds of years.

"So...what now?" You ask. "We have to go to another planet to try and find the right Shrek, right?"

Magolor appears to frown, even though he doesn't have a visible mouth. "Well, yes, but...that may be a bit difficult to do, considering my ship blew up."

"Oh, right," you realize, remembering how a single modern trollface meme was apparently the cause of that disastrous explosion. "Uh...and what about Marx? Or Bandana Dee?"

"I'm not worried about Marx," Magolor replies breezily, but then he looks a bit unsure. "Alright, I am worried about him, actually, because he's my friend. But he has no problem getting off planets and traveling through space by himself. That's how I met him, after all!" He nods. "He'll be alright...I think." The floating egg still seems unsure, but he shakes his head and turns away, quickly acting more like his usual cheery self.

"Well, anyway, we should try to find B-" He breaks off suddenly as something bright goes flying across the night sky. You both look up as something shoots across the sky.

"Ooh! A shooting star!" Magolor exclaims. "Make a wish!"

You close your eyes and wish to find Dedede soon, and that he'll be alive, safe, unharmed, and willing to marry you.

Sheesh, that sure was a wish.

You open your eyes and find that the star seems to be getting much closer.

Magolor tilts his head. "I've never seen one that big."

As it gets closer, you can tell that it's definitely a star, but...it's yellow, and glowing a bit.

You start to speak. "I...don't think that's a..." You trail off as the star goes sailing over your heads and lands somewhere behind you.

CRASH!

"Oh." Magolor stares after where the star crashed, along with you. The two of you stand there for a moment or two before you figure you should go investigate.

You and Magolor cautiously approach the crashsite. You've already got an idea of who it was, and you hear Magolor sigh in relief once you find the familiar pink puffball standing by his Warpstar, which just crashed full-fledged into the face of the planet.

But what is he doing here? You frown, confused.

"Sheesh, Kirby," Magolor remarks, floating on out into the clearing while you stay off to the side. "Did you learn how to drive from me?" He teases.

"He better not have!" Everyone's favorite borb snaps as he flies into the clearing - that Warpstar crash must have sent him flying. You chuckle at the thought.

But what are the two of them doing here?

Magolor's eyes narrow into an obvious display of annoyance as Meta Knight glares at him. "Oh, you're here too. Joy."

"Just as pleased to see you, Magolor," Meta Knight replies curtly.

"Hmph." Magolor crosses his arms...hands, whatever.

Kirby seems a bit worried, most likely picking up on the tension between the two of them.

Then again, their last interaction was Magolor shoving Meta Knight off his ship with an "adios, mocoso!", so it's really not surprising that things between them are so tense.

"...Where are they," is the blunt question (though it sounds more like a statement) that Meta Knight asks.

"Who?" Magolor asks, still seeming annoyed. "Marx and Bandana Dee? Your dumb underlings? Shrek and Dedede? You'll have to be more specific." It's at this point you realize Meta's probably looking for you, so you begin to slowly hide behind some bushes, silently thankful for the fact that Magolor seems to be covering for you.

"You know damn well who I'm talking about."

"Ahem, language." Magolor points over at Kirby, who's standing there with a curious expression.

Meta Knight doesn't seem to care.

Maybe when you get back to Dreamland, you should look into whether he has legal custody of Kirby - and if he does, maybe you can sneak in and change a few documents.

You know Magolor can't stall forever, so you decide to do something now while Meta's distracted.

You look around and find a large rock. Perfect.

Good thing he doesn't wear a helmet. You'd think he would, but nope, he doesn't. So you're free to chuck the rock at his head.

It makes a cartoonish BONK sound when it hits him, and he stumbles forward. You go to pick up another one, but unfortunately it would appear Meta Knight has his Smash Bros. Brawl reflexes. Before you can even grab the rock, he's found where you're hiding and is attacking you.

It's a lot like having an angry, flying cat attacking you. Except instead of claws, it's a sword. An electric/fire sword that hurts a lot and could probably kill you.

A portal opens to your left, and you silently thank Magolor.

Unfortunately for you, Meta Knight obviously knows what Magolor's trying to do, seeing as he quickly jumps away from the portal and then tries to shove you inside of it.

"Hey hey! No! That portal is for borbs only!" Magolor insists, pulling you away from the portal by your shirt sleeve and then trying to shove Meta Knight inside of it. He retaliates by trying to shove Magolor inside it.

As the two of them keep trying to shove each other into the portal, you glance behind you and find a concerned Kirby watching them. You wonder why he's not getting involved in this, but then remember that he considers both of them to be his friends, so he probably doesn't want to pick sides. Fair enough.

You attempt to help Magolor by tugging him away from the portal by his cape. It doesn't do much, but hopefully the thought counts. You've really grown to appreciate Magolor as a friend, and you're not gonna let some edgy borb send him to corn dogs land!

You think you faintly hear something metal jingling - a chain, maybe. It's easy enough to write it off as Kirby doing something.

Well, you shouldn't have written it off, apparently. Because a certain spiky ball on a chain suddenly cuts across your vision, and it whacks Magolor in the face.

"MAGOLOR!" You cry as he's sent flying back into the portal.

"NOOOO!" Magolor cries dramatically as he lands in a pile of corn dogs. And then the portal closes.

...

Well then.

You hear a huff, and glance over to see Meta Knight getting up and dusting himself off as he glares at where the portal had been. "Well done, Mace Knight."

"Thanks!" You look over to see Mace Knight, and he seems enlightened by the praise. You scoff. That was probably one of the few things he's accomplished.

At least Kirby seems a bit uncertain, frowning as he stares over at Meta Knight.

Mace Knight is alone, it would seem. Meta Knight obviously notices this, seeing as he asks where the others are.

Mace Knight thinks for a moment before answering. "Javelin said he found Bandana Dee near the explosion-"

"Explosion?"

"Oh, yeah - Magolor's ship exploded for some reason." Mace Knight averts his gaze a bit. "Trident was the only one near that area, but he claims he had nothing to do with it..."

When Meta Knight doesn't question it, Mace goes on. "Anyway, Javelin said he was taking Bandana Dee back to the ship. Trident said he heard Marx screaming and was going to investigate it, that was about five minutes ago."

"And Axe Knight?"

"I, er...I haven't been able to pick him up on any of the channels," Mace reports worriedly. "The last I heard from him, he said he found the crazy Dedede person, er, that person-" he points at you "-and was going to bring them to the ship as prisoner."

Meta Knight glares at you accusingly, and you scoff. "What? His disappearance doesn't have anything to do with me."

Mace Knight, on the other hand, seems worried. "What did you do to Axe Knight?!"

"I didn't do anything to him!" You shoot back. "He just happened to get hit by a car-"

"A car, on a planet where cars do not exist," Meta Knight interrupts, clearly not believing you. Meanwhile, Mace just looks horrified.

"It was the DaBaby car!" You snap.

"Mace, take them," Meta Knight commands, turning away.

"Yes sir."

You don't really care enough to try and get away. Marx is being held hostage somewhere by Jerry Seinfeld and Magolor is stuck in corn dogs land, so what other choice would you have besides going along with them? Wandering the swamp aimlessly? That'd be pretty pointless.

Apparently chivalry is a trait that isn't expressed by any of the knights, seeing as Mace just wraps your wrists up with the chain of his mace and then begins dragging you.

"You monster," he huffs. "You horrible person! You're gonna pay for whatever you did to Axe. I'll, I'll cut off your limbs and rip your organs out and set them on fire!" Judging by the surprised glance Meta Knight throws his way, you guess Mace isn't normally this violent.

You don't really have a retort, so you just shrug and let yourself get dragged along in silence.

"Poyo! Poyo-poy-poyo!" Kirby interjects. It seems like he's trying to plead something with Meta Knight.

"No, Kirby. This is...a bad person. This is someone evil, like Dark Matter." Did Meta Knight really just compare you to Dark Matter? Sheesh.

"Poyo." Kirby doesn't look very happy, but at least he stops arguing.

You think it's strange how Meta Knight can apparently understand Kirby's poyoing to the point he can carry out full conversations with him. Then again, he also does that with Blade Knight, so him speaking Kirby isn't too far-fetched.

You begin to hear something that sounds like crackling from a speaker. "Mace? You there?"

Mace Knight pulls out a walkie talkie. "Yeah, I'm here. What's going on, Trident?"

"If you hear Marx, do NOT go near him," Trident warns. "There's a guy that kidnapped him, I think...It sounded like...Jerry Seinfeld?"

"...What?" Mace Knight asks.

"I don't know, man!" Trident replies, sounding a bit spooked. "Just, just don't go near him. It isn't worth it. Whoever that guy was, he looked like a spawn of Nightmare."

Jerry Seinfeld had looked quite scary when he grabbed Marx and dragged him into the swamp...was it even him, you begin to wonder.

"Alright, noted," Mace Knight answers, seeming faintly concerned.

"It's...just Jerry Seinfeld," Javelin Knight puts in. "He isn't that scary."

"You didn't see him, Javelin!" Trident Knight exclaims a bit sharply. "He was smirking at me, and his eyes were glowing, and all I could hear was the Seinfeld theme and distorted laughter! Don't tell me it's just Jerry Seinfeld, Jave!"

"Okay calm down," is Javelin's reply.

"If you three have nothing better to do than discuss Jerry Seinfeld..." Meta Knight cuts in, grabbing the walkie talkie from Mace Knight. "I want everyone to report back to the ship," he says into it.

"Meta Knight? What are you doing here?" Trident asks, sounding a bit baffled.

"Nevermind that. We'll go over everything later."

"Alright."

"Has anyone found Axe Knight yet?" Javelin asks.

Meta Knight hesitates briefly before replying. "...I'm afraid not. We're still looking."

"We've got the prisoner, though!" Mace Knight adds optimistically.

"Oh, of course you manage to finally catch them once Meta Knight shows up," Trident gripes.

Mace just glances away sheepishly after that remark.

The radio goes quiet after that.

While you aren't particularly fond of any of the knights, the dynamic between them is...interesting.

The walk to the ship continues in silence. Soon enough, the four of you arrive at the Halberd.

As you're dragged onto the ship, you can hear voices from the control room. The entire ship is pretty big and open, so it's very easy to hear what everyone's saying. No wonder Kirby's job was so easy, especially when Sailor Dee had a habit of saying the ship's weaknesses out loud.

"I'm aware you are a bird," you hear Galacta Knight speaking, his tone condescending as ever. "But surely you must have some level of critical thinking. Or have you go feathers in your brain?"

"DON'T TELL ME HOW TO RUN MY SHIP!" Captain Vul snaps at him. "I'll have you know I don't take orders from anyone, ESPECIALLY pink puffballs like you! You're lucky I haven't blasted you off the ship!"

"I'd be humored to see you attempt it."

"Why, I oughta..!"

As the four of you arrive at the control room, you see Vul and Galacta pretty much at each others throats. Sailor Dee's there, too, pressed against the wall and looking very concerned.

"...Ahem," Meta Knight says, and the three of them turn to stare at him.

"Oh, er, Meta Knight! I wasn't expecting you to be here," Vul says in what's probably an attempt to save face. After all, he'd just insisted that he doesn't take orders from anyone.

"Finally, someone here with more than a singular brain cell," Galacta Knight remarks, hopping off of the control panel he'd been standing on as he walks up to Meta Knight. "As I've been attempting to explain to your, ahem, 'Captain', the planet we're looking for is in another galaxy, about 1,000 light years from here. Despite my numerous attempts to provide substantial evidence, I am receiving nothing more than resentment, arguments and racism." He turns around to glare at Captain Vul, who returns his glare with obvious scorn.

"...Vul, I am aware you have your existing prejudice with Kirby," Meta Knight starts. "However-"

"You can't trust pink puffballs, Meta Knight!" Vul interrupts. "They cause nothing but destruction and chaos. The fact you're allowing not one, but two of them on the Halberd at the same time..! Agh." He turns away and shakes his head. "Whatever you feel is best."

It's around that time that Trident Knight returns, followed by Javelin and Bandana Dee a few minutes later. At least you get to witness Kirby and Bandana Dee's happy little reunion - you have to admit that it's pretty cute to watch. Even a couple "aw"s and chuckles go around, surprisingly enough.

Mace Knight, of course, doesn't untie you, so you just sit there boredly as the time stretches on.

You think Kirby would have probably been bored, too, but he's kind of busy dealing with everyone glaring at him or eyeing him suspiciously. Makes sense - you've heard that he's allegedly sunk the Halberd at least 7 times. Two of those times were because Meta Knight tried to take over Dreamland, one time was a misunderstanding (Kirby thought it was another attempt to take over Dreamland, when in reality they were just going to Dunkin Donuts), another time was out of spite, one was an accident, and the final time he was apparently given permission to pull a kamikaze with the Halberd during that whole Robobot thing, you think.

Well, at least the focus right now seems to be on setting their courses for what's supposedly the right planet to find Shrek (and Dedede) on. Meta Knight still hasn't offered anyone an explanation as to why he and Kirby were here now, and no one asked for one, so unfortunately that's still a mystery.

No one's leaving the planet yet, however. Everyone else (well, almost everyone) wants to find Axe Knight before they leave, of course, and you want to stick around until Magolor comes back...if he can come back...

You shake your head, trying to clear the thought away.

It's pretty boring just sitting there, and you tune out most of the words everyone's saying. They're just organizing search parties, anyway.

As that's all finalized and the first group is ready to head out, that's the same time that Axe Knight conveniently stumbles onto the ship.

"You're alive!" Mace Knight drops his mace suddenly, taking you down with it as you land against the floor with an oompf, since the chain of it was still tied around your wrists.

You're not the only one to oompf, as Axe Knight makes a similar noise when he's practically tackled with a hug. "Alright, Macey, calm down," he scoffs, despite making no real attempt to push Mace Knight off of him. He's probably secretly enjoying it. Or maybe he just doesn't care. Whatever, not your business.

It doesn't take long for the bombard of questions to start.

"I thought that crazy Dedede person killed you!"

"Where were you?!"

"Why weren't you answering on the radio? Were you knocked out or something?"

"Are you alright? You look, uh..."

"Fantastic, I know. Thanks Tridey," is Axe's sarcastic reply. "Oh, I've been great, you know. Only got shot in the face with a kitchen gun, was beat up twice by John Cena, and then got hit by a car and was unconscious for almost twenty minutes!"

"That doesn't sound very great," Javelin remarks.

You snort to yourself. It sounds great to you!

Axe Knight just presses his face into his fist at that. "It was sarcasm, Javey."

"Oh."

You sit up, realizing that you've been left unattended. And it seems like everyone's distracted with Axe now, making this a perfect escape opportunity. Plus, you have a weapon tied to you now. Hmm...

You were calculating if you'd be able to smack Trident with it and make a run for it past him, but your attention is drawn over towards Meta Knight as a portal suddenly opens behind him.

And from the portal, out pops the one and only Magolor.

"Bazinga," Magolor says as he appears right in front of Meta Knight.

At his sudden appearance, Meta Knight shouts and punches him hard. Hard enough to send Magolor flying across the room, apparently, where he promptly hits a wall and then falls, laying slumped over on the ground.

Several moments of silence pass as everyone stares at Magolor, who you guess is probably knocked out since he doesn't even stir or try to get up. You briefly wonder if he could be dead, but then remember how he boasted about having plot armor earlier, so you're able to rule out that possibility for the most part.

"...Trident, Javelin." Meta Knight glances at the aforementioned knights. "Take those two to a holding cell."

What?! What a load of bingus.

"Uh...why do you have a jail on your ship?" You question, slightly concerned.

"The same reason we have a bar, probably," Mace Knight shrugs.

You just stare at him as Trident and Javelin begin to drag you and Magolor off. Or, you stare at him until Axe Knight nudges him and mutters something about "not talking to that scoundrel, who doesn't deserve an answer", at least, at which point Mace turns away from you.

You're a bit concerned to learn the Halberd has a bar. You already don't trust these people driving a ship, but driving it drunk? Nova help you.

You and Magolor are tossed unceremoniously into a cell. It isn't even much like a jail cell, in the sense that it's quite small and doesn't have any metal bars. Rather, it would be much closer to a solitary confinement cell. No windows, nothing but an air vent and a light on the ceiling, and a (presumably locked) metal door.

"This is bingus," you mutter.

A few minutes later, Magolor comes to. He's understandably confused, so you recap everything for him briefly.

"So we're stuck in here now," you finish, kicking at the wall.

At your side, Magolor opens up a small purple portal. "Oh, don't worry. We won't be in here for long," he smiles. Or, appears to smile, at least. "We'll give those dorks a surprise, then hijack their ship so we can go rescue Marx and Dedede ourselves."

An idea begins to form in your head, and you reach into your pocket to pull out your John Cena phone. You smirk, glancing over at Magolor. "They're never gonna be prepared for this."

⁌12⁍ ✿ His Dededebut 2, Electric Boogaloo ✿

From inside the jail room, you and Magolor sit together on the floor as you stare through the portal he created a few minutes ago.

He somehow managed to open up a portal on the ceiling of the Halberd's control room, and through the one on the floor, you can see through the ceiling portal. It's as if you were above the control room, and are staring down into it through a hole in the ceiling.

Magolor had suggested that the two of you scope out the scene first before attacking, and you agreed. You decided to hold off on calling John Cena for now, deciding you'd only call him in if it was necessary, and/or if you and Magolor needed backup.

The first thing that was clear is that the Halberd is in space. You're not sure where the next destination is, but you have a feeling these guys will just keep crashing onto different planet Earths until they eventually get the right one.

You've been watching everything happening in the control room for a few minutes now. It's kind of like watching a sad, pitiful reality TV show.

Meta Knight had left to do...well, something on the ship, leaving everyone else in the control room (including Kirby, surprisingly). About 2 minutes after his departure, Vul had fallen asleep on the control panel for some reason, leaving the knights essentially unsupervised.

You're a bit worried at that, since usually whenever those four are unattended it almost always winds up turning into violence or arson (sometimes both).

Things seem pretty tame right now, thankfully, save for Trident messing with the radio communication/announcement system.

"Why do they call it an oven when you of in the cold food of out hot eat the food?" He says into the microphone.

"Are you having a stroke?" Mace asks, seeming somewhere between confused and genuinely concerned.

The laughter that follows Trident's rambling about ovens would suggest he's fine. Though he does go on to spout more nonsense. "Number 6 - the dollar. Next up on the radar is-"

"Give me that!" Axe Knight huffs, snatching the radio from Trident and putting it back where it belongs. You've noticed he's been very protective of the communication equipment, and that he's clearly very particular about keeping everything in the right spot. So of course the others would keep messing with it. Even Kirby had been purposefully poking stuff, which had earned him an axe-smack across the room.

"Hm..." Magolor says, rubbing his chin. "I think now would be a good time, since Meta-Not's gone and the bird guy is asleep."

"Wait," you say, holding your arm out to stop him from jumping through the portal. "I've been watching Mace," you begin to explain. "With the levers and stuff. I think I know which ones control the doors now, and based on the radar down there," you say, pointing to a radar that appears to track the movement inside the ship, "Meta's at the other end of the ship. So if I can get down there and pull the levers that control the doors, I should be able to close them all, either trapping him or really slowing him down."

Magolor blinks, looking surprised. "That's a really good plan," he says, sounding impressed. You smile.

The two of you look down to scope out the scene once more. You notice that Kirby, Bandana and Sailor Dee are no longer in the room, nor is Javelin. Now that you think of it, you're pretty sure he left with Meta Knight earlier. As for Kirby and the Waddle Dees, well...they PROBABLY weren't off destroying anything. You don't see why Kirby would feel the need to destroy the Halberd right now, but what do you know about his current feelings towards Meta Knight.

"Axe I swear to Nova!" Mace Knight's annoyed exclamation jerks your attention back down to the control room. "If you call something 'based' one more time, I'm going to come over there and rip those horns out of your helmet!"

"That's cringe," you hear Axe retort. The glare Mace shoots his way would suggest he is furious with this response.

"...Well, I guess now's our best chance," Magolor says, cracking his knuckles. "I'll distract them, and you get the levers."

You nod, and Magolor hops into the portal.

"WHA-" Trident's the first to notice Magolor, seeming shocked at his appearance. You think everyone would have picked up on the fact that Magolor hops dimensions as he pleases by now, but then again, these are the Meta-Knights.

Unfortunately for Trident, he didn't get to finish his exclamation, as Magolor shoved him across the room and into the wall. "Skidaddle skidoodle, your brain is now a noodle."

"Wha-HEY!" Axe Knight shouts, his voice coming out deeper than you would have expected. It kind of makes sense, though; he seems to be the one that's in charge of the other three knights. "You get back in there, or-!"

As he speaks, Magolor floats over and picks him up, then plops him on the floor with a verbal "boink". He then takes it upon himself to sit in the chair he'd just removed Axe from, which of course infuriates him.

"You're not supposed to be in here!" Mace Knight exclaims, trying to sound stern but kind of failing at it. He runs over to try and pull Magolor off the chair, you assume, but he stops short when a portal opens in front of him.

Meanwhile, Trident's stalking up on Magolor's other side. "You better get out of here, or else I'm stabbing you!"

"Stab me, then," Magolor replies nonchalantly.

You laugh out loud at the scene that ensues next.

Trident wastes no time throwing his trident at Magolor, but the Halcandran quickly opens up another portal on his other side. The trident goes through the portal and comes out of the one in front of Mace Knight, effectively getting him in the face.

As Mace falls to the floor and begins panicking, Trident runs over to try and pull the trident out of his visor thing. Meanwhile, Axe is fumbling with one of the radios. "Containment breach in the control room!" He shouts into it.

Weird that Captain Vul is somehow sleeping through all this.

"Oh boy, I'm an SCP now," Magolor remarks in an honored tone.

Seeing as Magolor has the other three distracted, you finally hop through the portal and land in the control room. From there, you run over to where Mace Knight had been and quickly start pulling down all the levers you can find.

You can hear clanging all around the ship as doors and hangars close. Weirdly enough, some of the levers seem to control light switches, and you're pretty sure that one of them just released the Heavy Lobster. Oh well, the more chaos you can generate, the better.

As you keep pulling levers, you can hear Axe shouting orders at the other two. "Trident, stop - you're making it worse! Leave it! Mace just hold still! Moron."

"I can't see!" Mace reports worriedly. "My visor's all cracked!"

You had honestly expected Axe to retort with something sarcastic like "good" or "you deserve it", but instead he just goes straight to trying to pull the trident out of his face while trying not to make the damage worse than it already was. "Hold still, you idiot."

Meanwhile, you're still pulling levers and messing up everything you can on this ship. Trident's just standing there blankly, facing you. Is he blanking out? Unsure what's happening? Still trying to process everything?

"Well don't just stand there, stop them!" Axe Knight snaps at him, giving him a rough shove. That seems to finally snap Trident back to the present, and he shakes his head before pulling out another trident (how DO they manage to store an infinite amount of their weapons?) and charging you.

You immediately duck, preparing to dodge. Thankfully for you, Magolor is quicker, and he cuts off Trident's path. "Hey, you leave my friend alone!" He huffs. "Or else..."

He opens another portal, and you're a bit surprised to see that Magolor's eyes are narrowed into a glare. It isn't very like him to be angry, after all.

"I'll have to send you to the Weezer dimension."

Your curiosity peaks a bit at that, and you shuffle forward to glance inside the portal. It doesn't seem to be much; all you can see is a small room with a hardwood floor and white walls, which are plain save for a printed out picture of the Weezer blue album taped to the wall.

Apparently it's enough to terrorize Trident, though, who would appear to be frozen in fear.

Magolor doesn't miss that detail. "That's right. Now take a few steps back and leave us be."

Trident obeys, albeit hesitantly. Satisfied, Magolor closes the portal before turning back to you with his usual happy expression. "I'm beginning to love this ability that I forgot I had."

"Yeah, I'd love to send people to weird dimensions if I could, too," you agree thoughtfully. As you keep pulling the levers, a thought comes to mind. "Hey, if you can send people to dimensions, does that mean you can take people out of them, too?"

"Well, theoretically yes," Magolor answers, seeming a bit confused by your train of thought but ultimately deciding not to question it, apparently.

"So...is there anything stopping you from getting to the dimension with the giant Shrek and pulling King Dedede out of there?"

Magolor is silent for a few moments as he thinks, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "Hm...I'll have to think about this for a bit..." He gazes at the floor as he continues to rub his chin.

While Magolor continues to think very hard about this possibility, an air vent clatters to the ground. You look up just in time to see a very angry Meta Knight jumping out of the air ducts. "YOU!" He shouts, pointing his sword at you. Javelin follows him, although a lot more clumsily.

"ME!" You reply, smiling as you point at yourself.

"THEM!" Bandana Dee cries from where he stands in the doorway, pointing at you. Trailing him are Kirby and Sailor Dee. They must not have strayed far from the control room, since they made it back with all the doors being shut.

You mentally kick yourself for not realizing that Meta Knight would obviously know the ship inside and out, so of course he was able to get around the doors (in this case, by using the air ducts).

So, unfortunately, closing all the doors didn't appear to have slowed Meta Knight down. In fact, it probably just made him angrier. But an average of 2 out of 3 people seem to love doing that, so you're not upset at all by this. In fact, it makes you smile.

"Whoooops, my hand slipped," you say as you make a very exaggerated sweep of your arm over the main control panel, setting off a bunch of buttons.

You feel proud of yourself when you see Meta Knight do the eye twitch, which is usually a telltale sign that he's furious (well, other than his eyes turning red, of course).

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Oh boy, did you set off the self-destruct? That would be sweet!

At once, Meta Knight's attention breaks away from you. "What's on the radar?" He demands, looking over towards where Axe Knight is.

"It looks like missiles," he reports. Despite his voice being formal and even, he looks pretty concerned. Then again, with missiles headed for the ship, why wouldn't he be?

"Deploying flares!" Mace Knight reports, hitting a button.

He must have hit the wrong button, since instead of flares, a couple of confused Wheelies fall out of the air vent that Meta and Javelin came through.

"Oops, sorry. I can't see very well right now," Mace apologizes. Why there would be a button for shooting Wheelies out of an air vent, you have no idea.

"Your ship still runs on Wheelie power?" Bandana Dee asks, looking concerned and worried. "That - that's pretty unethical. I'm sure Wheelies have feelings."

Meta Knight conveniently looks the other way when the subject is brought up.

"I mean...I've tried to have conversations with some of them before," Mace Knight comments. "They never said anything. Either they don't like me or they're not very sentient."

"Well, what if one of them did talk? Or one of them stood out and was special, like me or Sailor Dee?" Bandana Dee continues.

"Deviation from the norm will be punished unless it is exploitable." There goes Axe again, spouting off vaguely ominous words.

Bandana Dee falls quiet after that, though he does continue to seem upset. Could it be that he's finally starting to realize Meta Knight, who he idolizes, isn't a very nice or ethical person? You hope so.

"Um, guys?" Trident Knight speaks up. "Don't we still have missiles coming after us?"

Mace Knight jolts upright a bit. "Oh! Er..." He trails off, while Axe just curses loudly. Kirby, of course, immediately repeats the swear word, which earns him a stern "NO!" from Meta Knight.

"...Well then. Prepare for impact, I suppose." Meta Knight seems oddly calm about the missiles. Is he really that confident in the Halberd's structural ability? He'd have to be an idiot to believe that, you think.

You vaguely wonder if you could have anything to do with this. Who would be coming after the Halberd with missiles, and why?

Did it have something to do with Galacta Knight? Kirby? If it wasn't either of them, could it have been an inside job?

...Sailor Dee?!

BOOM!

Well that didn't sound very good.

It doesn't help that there's some alarms going off on the ship now.

You glance over at Magolor, who still looks deep in thought. The only reaction he gives to all this is a slight wince, and then he covers his ears and continues thinking in silence.

The explosion and the alarms are enough to finally wake Captain Vul up. "WHA-?!" He sputters.

"Charge up the main canon!" Meta Knight orders. Of course he would go straight to retaliating with violence before finding out who or what was shooting them.

"I hope it's a ship full of pink puffballs!" Vul growls, slamming at a few buttons. "Shooting them down would make my day!"

"...Poyo." You forgot that Kirby was in the control room until now. But there he is, looking pretty annoyed at that comment.

"There's another airship on the radar," you hear Axe calling over to Meta. "Should I try to engage?"

"...Try to find if they have a motive. Otherwise, let them know who they're dealing with." You've noticed before that Meta Knight often seems to hesitate before he speaks, most likely thinking and calculating what the outcome of his words or orders will be. Only now are you noting it for some reason, though.

"Let them know who they're dealing with" makes you snort in amusement. "You mean the ship that gets shot down every other day?" You ask snidely.

"Shut the hell up!" Trident and Axe snap at the same time. Almost perfectly in sync, too. Weird.

Mace Knight doesn't seem to be too much of a help at the moment, seeing as he's stumbling about and trying to feel his way along the wall. Sheesh, how badly did that trident to the face blind him? Surely a cracked visor couldn't be that bad.

A quick glance over at Magolor reveals that he's still thinking. What the heck, man.

Well, everyone here seems to have their own jobs and areas. Meta and Vul, obviously, are up front by the main controls and steering wheel. Javelin and Trident don't seem to have any areas of their own, probably because they mostly handle the security elsewhere on the ship. You're guessing Mace Knight's area is the station across from Axe's.

Upon closer examination, you can see there's printed out photos of cute kittens there. Weird.

Inversely, Axe's side has angry, hissing cats surrounded by fire. To add to it, the computer in front of him has flaming skull stickers and curse words in edgy fonts on it.

Honestly, you barely even know that guy, and yet he's so predictable.

He seems pretty competent at his job, though, focusing on the computer in front of him as he types some stuff at the keyboard and adjusts the headset that somehow fit over his helmet. You're just thankful the keyboard isn't very loud, instead having some quieter red mechanical switches. You want to wince just thinking about how loud Magolor's keyboard was.

"Po-YO!"

Thump!

Meta Knight whips around at once to see what that was about, only for his eyes to quickly settle into his usual serious look once he sees it was nothing major. You glance over to see Kirby laying on the floor, muttering displeased poyos to himself. Behind him, Sailor Dee is holding a mop, and he looks a bit worried.

"Sorry, Kirby! I didn't get a chance to put up a wet floor sign yet."

"Sailor Dee, I don't think now is a great time to be mopping the control room," Mace Knight cuts in, though his tone is respectful.

"Hm...yes, maybe not..." Sailor Dee agrees, appearing to frown as he rubs his chin. As he does, Trident Knight slips and falls in the background, shouting a couple curse words before hitting the ground.

You hear Meta Knight sigh, and glance over to see him facepalming at the situation.

"This is the Halberd," you hear Axe Knight saying, and you glance over at him. "You have approximately 2 minutes to return communication before we destroy your ship." With that, he flicks a switch on the control panel and leans back, seeming a bit smug.

You have to laugh, of course - the idea of these guys successfully shooting down a ship is quite far-fetched. You're pretty sure the only thing they've ever managed to shoot down is Dyna Blade.

Magolor is still thinking. At this point, you're tempted to smack him in the head and ask what's up.

You hear a shout, and look over to see that Mace Knight almost slipped as well. "Please stop mopping!" He exclaims, moving very carefully along the wall. Only once he's reached his station does he sigh and relax.

"But it hasn't been done for nearly 2 weeks!" Sailor Dee replies. "I have to keep these floors shiny and clean!"

"You don't have to..." Axe mutters.

"Not everyone likes to leave a mess, Axe Knight!" Sailor Dee huffs, looking mildly irritated.

You're a bit surprised to hear a Waddle Dee take that tone with him. You would have expected Axe to threaten Sailor Dee for talking to him like that, but instead he just rolls his eyes and looks back over at the computer.

Upon Sailor Dee pointing it out, you realize his station is quite a mess. Somehow you hadn't really noticed it before, but you can clearly see a bunch of CDs, empty soda cans, tools, and notes strewn carelessly across the desk.

"Any response?" Meta Knight calls over to him.

"No."

"Kaboom?" Captain Vul asks, visibly excited as he looks over at Meta.

Meta Knight doesn't answer right away, of course.

"More missiles on the radar!" Mace shouts.

"...Any communication?" Meta Knight asks.

"None, sir," Axe replies.

"...Yes, Vul. Kaboom."

Vul looks way too excited to be firing the canon. You watch as he runs over to what seems to be a large joystick - the thing for aiming the canon, you assume.

You watch as Vul's expression transforms from excited to horrified as he seems to slip and fall on the floor in slow motion. "NO!" He cries before hitting the ground.

Sailor Dee appears to frown as he pauses his mopping. "Oh dear."

Meta Knight mutters something and shakes his head, rubbing his forehead before standing up and flying over to the point Vul had failed to reach. Once there, he takes over aiming the canon. You laugh when you realize that due to his size, it's a bit difficult for him to maneuver. No wonder Vul handles the canon.

He shoots you a glare, and you respond by holding your hand 9 inches above the ground to remind him how short he is.

It isn't much of a secret that Meta's insecure about his height. So of course you're going to take every opportunity that you can to poke at it. Because this King Dedede x Reader story might as well be a Piss Off Meta Knight story.

"They missed!" Mace announces.

How can someone possibly miss hitting the ship, you wonder. It's huge and isn't moving extremely fast, surely that would make it an easy target?

"Hang on, I'm getting a signal!" Axe calls out, causing for Meta to look away from you and direct his attention over towards his clone. Minion, underling, clone - they're all pretty interchangeable.

Silence hangs in the room for a few moments as Axe does...well, whatever he's doing with the signal. You don't know what's going on over there at the control panel, but he seems to know exactly what he's doing, so you shrug and leave him to it.

A confused expression soon makes its way into his eyes.

"Well?" Meta Knight prompts.

Axe Knight hesitates for a moment, clicking a few dials and pressing the headset against his head harder, as if to make sure he was hearing it right.

"It's the Squeaks."

"What? The Squeaks?" Mace Knight asks incredulously. "What could they possibly be doing here?"

"I'll bet they're after Axe's CDs," Trident snorts. The joke doesn't seem to land with Axe, who looks defensive now. "They better not be! I'll blast them to hell! These are limited edition, and I'm not letting some rats steal them so they can pawn them off!"

Oh boy, you've found your next target. Time to throw those CDs around whenever Axe wasn't looking.

"What do they want?" Meta Knight asks.

"They said they're after the person who hit Daroach with a car, and that they saw them board this ship." Axe Knight seems a bit befuddled as he relays the message, as if he barely understands it.

"Well, I don't believe it would take a genius to figure out who's responsible for that," Meta Knight mentions, glaring over at you. You did kind of create a reputation for yourself as being the crazy Dedede person who committed multiple hit and runs, after all. A family of Cappies, that Grizzo, Daroach, and Escargoon to name a few.

"That's good," you reply. "Cause there definitely isn't anyone with an IQ higher than 12 running this ship."

Meta Knight does the signature eye twitch again.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

"They're shooting another missile!" Mace yells.

"Hm, maybe I should have been nicer," Axe muses to himself, glancing uncertainly down at his keyboard. You vaguely wonder what string of curse words and insults he might have just sent their way.

Meta Knight simply blinks before turning back to the joystick thing and pressing a few buttons. From there, chaos begins to break loose as the two ships fire at each other.

BOOM goes the missile against the side of the Halberd, but BOOM goes the canon's laser against Daroach's airship. Seems one ship might have just a bit more firepower than the other.

"Looks like they're retreating," Mace remarks.

"Like hell they are!" Vul replies, glaring through the windshield at the retreating airship. "No one shoots the Halberd and gets away with it!"

"Um...poyo," Kirby comments, pointing at himself.

"Shut it, you pink menace!" Vul snaps at him.

"Ahem."

You, along with most of the others, look up to see Galacta Knight up in the air duct. You had completely forgotten he was still on this ship. It doesn't appear that he's been doing much besides crawling around in the air vents like a weirdo.

Meta Knight looks mildly annoyed at the moment. "Galacta, get down from there. Vul, I see no reason to waste time on a side quest right now. We have more important matters to deal with."

Galacta Knight just blinks.

"Ah, the penguin guy can wait," Vul answers dismissively. "I wanna shoot these losers down, first!"

Meta turns a bit to give him a side glare. "Vul, let's not be hasty-"

"'Hasty' in my middle name!" Vul shouts in reply, slamming on the accelerator. Nobody was really expecting that, so most people get sent flying backwards and hit the wall.

You rub your shoulder as you get up. It would appear everyone hit the wall except Axe, who's hanging onto his seat and looking very annoyed, Galacta, who's still watching with mild amusement from the air ducts, Javelin, since he defies gravity, and Vul, of course.

"Ooof...where are we?" Magolor asks, rubbing his head as he sits up. You're not quite sure how he got launched backwards when he floats, but you digress.

You slowly turn to stare at him. "Don't tell me you forgot everything."

"Um...what's 'everything'?" Magolor asks, blinking innocently. "I was thinking really hard about dimensions and kind of forgot where we are, sorry." His ears go back as he blinks again, creating an expression similar to a puppy who wants something.

You sigh in relief when Magolor reveals that no, the crash did not cause him to loose his memory.

"Well? Did you come up with any answers?" You ask.

"About pulling Dedede out of the giant Shrek's dimension?" He asks, and you nod. Magolor blinks a couple times and rubs his chin. You're about to give an irritated sigh, wondering if he's about to go back into a ridiculously long period of thinking again, but then he closes his eyes and nods happily. "I believe so! Let me try."

He rubs his hands together, mumbling something to himself in Halcandran before opening a portal. It's hard to make out all the stuff inside it. It's definitely a swamp, but it's very dark, and there's lots of conflicting sounds. Despite the eerie vibes, Magolor pokes his head inside it. "Yo, Dedede."

"WHA-?!" You hear your beloved king's confused shout. "HOW THE HECK DID YA-"

"I can do a lot of things," Magolor giggles. "Now come on, you need to come back before Meta Knight turns Dreamland into a fascist dictatorship. Seriously, I'm a bit worried." He leans more into the portal, grabbing something before tugging himself back out. Or...trying to, at least.

"Hey, can you help?" Magolor asks you, turning around. "He's a lot heavier than I expected!"

Well, of course he is. He's King Dedede.

You grab Magolor and pull him, and together, the two of you manage to yank the king through the portal.

King Dedede flops to the ground, glancing around very confusedly.

The three of you flinch as you hear an enraged roar from Shrek. You can see him running at the portal, looking furious. Thankfully, Magolor quickly closes the portal before Shrek can reach it. You sigh in relief.

Was that it? You had honestly been expecting a Shrek boss battle to save Dedede, but apparently the whole thing was very anti-climatic thanks to Magolor's ability to break everything in the story by hopping dimensions.

"Wait, what? Dedede?" Trident Knight asks, doing a double take when he sees the king.

"Hey, that's King Dedede to you, blue guy!" Dedede snarls.

Once Trident's pointed out Dedede's presence, everyone just stares at him in confusion and shock. Even Meta Knight looks baffled. "How the hell..?"

King Dedede just blinks at first, then slowly points at Magolor. "This guy scares me sometimes."

"Nothing to worry about!" Magolor replies nonchalantly, waving his hand. "I'm a good guy now, and I would never use my dimension-hopping abilities for anything evil."

"Except when you threatened to send me to Weezerland," Trident mutters pointedly.

"...Magolor, I'd like to discuss this later," Meta Knight states slowly.

"I'd rather not." Magolor waves him off as he floats by. "Dedede's here now, and we can all go home. Magolor saved the day, you're welcome everyone." Of course, his slightly pompous attitude about it isn't received well by the knights.

"This ENTIRE TRIP for NOTHING, thanks to you!" Axe Knight snaps, glaring after him.

"Could you have done this the whole time?" Javelin questions a bit dubiously.

"Why didn't you rescue Dedede earlier?" Meta Knight asks with a pointed glare after the Halcandran, who so far has been ignoring them all.

"Yeah!" Trident agrees.

"This isn't good. Isn't good at all." Mace looks worried. "What's to stop him from abusing this power? He could snatch us in our sleep and throw us into different dimensions. There's nothing stopping him from doing it!"

"Alright, I guess we gotta kill him before he can," Axe says, pulling out one of his axes as he stands up on his chair.

"Enough, everyone," Meta sighs. "We'll deal with this later."

"There might not be a 'later'," Mace remarks.

Sailor Dee looks scared after hearing that.

King Dedede slowly stands up, finally getting his bearings, it would seem. He glances around the room, taking everyone in. He's probably very concerned as to why everyone's on the Halberd, and more importantly why they're in space. After a moment or two, his gaze settles on Meta Knight, who's apparently still trying to talk Vul out of pursuing the Squeaks.

"Hey, uh, Meta?" Dedede asks. "Aren't you supposed to be taking care of stuff in Dreamland?"

Breaking off his conversation, Meta just closes his eyes and waits a few moments before responding. "Yes, about that..." His eyes slowly open again, though he doesn't make eye contact with the king. "I'd prefer if we discussed that privately."

Dedede raises an eyebrow, seeming a bit irritated. "Fine, ya' go find a place we can talk then."

The borb seems to hesitate before hopping off his chair. "I mean it, Vul," he adds, turning around to look up at Captain Vul. "Do not pursue the ship. That's an order."

"Fine." Vul crosses his arms and glares off to the side, looking like a child who had just been told "no" when they wanted a new toy.

Dedede steps aside, letting Meta Knight take the lead since it's his ship, and he thus knows the layout of it. "You too, Kirby," Meta adds, gesturing for Kirby to follow.

"What's he gonna do besides poyo at me?" Dedede asks with a huff, glancing down at the pink puffball disdainfully as he follows them.

"Poy-yeet Dededumb," Kirby replies, making a tossing motion as he glares up at the king. Dedede's eyes widen at that, and he directs his glare down at Meta Knight. "You're a really bad influence on him, y'know."

They were leaving the room while that happened, so you're unsure if Meta Knight had a retort for that or not.

"Oh boy, this is going to be good," Galacta Knight remarks as he looks after them, seeming excited before he hops back into the air ducts and crawls after them rather noisily.

Clang clang clang, BANG! Clang clang, clang clang clang...

"I'm putting mousetraps in the air ducts," Axe Knight mutters.

The mental image of Galacta Knight being defeated by a bunch of mousetraps is amusing, at least.

An awkward silence falls over the control room. Bandana Dee seems content with sitting on the floor next to Javelin Knight; you've noticed that Javelin seems to be generally pretty polite. At the least, he's the most chill out of the four and is usually pretty quiet.

Trident, on the other hand...well, he's basically a miniature Axe Knight as far as attitude and violence go. At least he isn't doing anything right now, instead just standing there a bit awkwardly. Seems like he's keeping a close eye on Magolor, however.

It would appear Mace Knight is trying to fix his visor. Wouldn't it be easier if he took it off instead of trying to fix it while he was wearing it? Oh, right, the knights in Dreamland all tended to be insecure about their faces.

Captain Vul's still pouting. How tragic for him.

Magolor is just vibing. Good for him.

Silence continues to hang over the room, save for the sounds of Sailor Dee mopping the floor.

And last and certainly least, Axe is just polishing his CDs. What a nerd.

Ding ding ding!

At the pinging noise, Vul glances down at the dashboard. He clearly doesn't understand whatever is going on, seeing as he calls the two most experienced knights over. "Hey, uh...Mace and axe guy, what's this message mean?"

You notice Axe rolling his eyes at how Vul addressed him. "It's Axe Knight," he reminds the Captain pointedly as he sets the CD down and heads over to where he's sitting.

"Yeah yeah, whatever," Vul waves dismissively. "Just tell me what this light means."

"Um, what does that one mean again?" Mace whispers, seeming worried. Then again, he usually is worried about something.

"Oil needs to be changed again." Axe seems far from concerned as he heads back over to his station. "I'll take care of it when we get back."

"Oh, okay. Good." Mace is obviously relieved that it's nothing major.

Or is it?

Sailor Dee is still mopping the floor, but at least he finally put a wet floor sign up. Unfortunately for Axe Knight, he wasn't paying enough attention to where he was walking, so he bumps into the sign, knocks it over and then trips over it. With an annoyed huff, he tries to stand back up, only to slip on the floor and slide across it until he hits wall, which causes the fire extinguisher that was hanging there to fall on top of him.

"I'm taking extended vacation time after this," he mutters as Mace just points and laughs at him.

"Hmph. So many warning lights for trivial things," Vul complains in the background. "Back on my first ship, it only gave you warnings for the stuff that actually mattered! None of this oil changing or engine light garbage. Just the important things, like engine failures or fires!"

"Okay boomer," Trident Knight scoffs.

Vul looks infuriated by this response.

"Hey we're a little too close to Daroach's airship," Axe Knight points out as he finishes hanging up the fire extinguisher. "I think we should back up."

"Hmph. If you insist," Vul gripes.

"I'm not insisting, I'm only pointing it out-"

"You're insisting!" Vul interrupts dramatically.

"...Okay, fine. Sorry." Axe has apparently given up on trying to argue, seeing as he turns away and rolls his eyes.

Sheesh, no wonder Vul made such a mess out of Escargoon's funeral. He clearly isn't a very stable individual, just like Meta Knight had implied.

Hey, wasn't he scared of something on Shrek's planet? A...cat with a sword and boots, was it?

You're a bit bored right now, so you decide to test a theory you have. You slowly sneak up behind Vul before meowing loudly.

"WHA - AAAH!" Vul literally shoots right up from his chair. "IT'S HERE! IT'S AFTER ME! KILL IT!" He shouts, standing on top of his chair and looking fearfully at the ground.

"If you insist, Vul," Axe replies snarkily as he gets up from his chair again.

"Don't you get sarcastic with me, axe guy! You lot are supposed to be the ones killing things on this ship! That's your job!"

"Actually I handle the communications-"

"AND YOU KILL SCARY THINGS SO FIND THE CAT AND KILL IT!"

"There's no cat, Captain," Mace Knight interjects. "It was just the weird Dedede person meowing at you."

"WHAT?" He shouts, staring at Mace before looking down at you. You simply smile and wave.

Vul picks up a nearby wrench as he towers over you from where he's perched on the chair. "Why, I oughta-"

"Mrrrow!" You interrupt.

"AAAAH!" Vul drops the wrench and hides behind the chair, apparently freaked out by the noise of a cat, even when he knows who's making it. You can hear Magolor snickering at all this.

"For the love of Nova, what the hell is going on in here?"

You turn around to find a very annoyed Meta Knight in the doorway. Behind him is a troubled looking Dedede and a slightly concerned Kirby.

Vul peeks over the chair, pointing down at you. "It's this weird person! They keep making cat sounds at me and I don't like it! Get them out!"

"Hey, that's my new assistant!" Dedede barks. "I need them to do all the stuff I don't wanna do!"

"I'm sorry, your assistant?" Axe asks, giving Dedede a look that's somewhere between condescending and confused.

Mace Knight shakes his head. "You could not have chose more poorly."

"I've heard they're obsessed with you," Trident throws in. "Like, to the point where it's creepy."

"I bet they have a Dedede shrine," Mace remarks.

How did he know?!

"Alright, I didn't ask for comments from the peanut gallery!" Dedede snaps, hands on his hips. "I've already gotten an earful from Meta Knight about my choice, I don't need it from everyone else!"

What did Meta Knight say about you? You glare at him, wondering if he'll give any indication as to what he said, but he simply returns your glare passive-aggressively.

"Is it just me or is that ship getting closer?" Mace Knight asks a bit absently.

"It's probably just you," is Vul's dismissive reply. "Meta Knight please get this person out." He points down at you again. "I really don't like them."

"Hey man, what about the twenty dollars and GameBoy Advance I gave you?" You shoot back.

"...You accepted a bribe from this person?" Meta Knight questions.

"It was free money and a cool retro handheld in exchange for me saying a couple words about a dead snail, how could I not?"

Meta Knight doesn't say anything, but the aura of disappointment is strong.

Vul seems uncomfortable. "Please don't judge me."

Meta just sighs and turns away.

"Er, Vul? Daroach's ship is definitely getting closer," Axe Knight says.

"Hey! That's Captain Vul to you, axe guy!" Vul snaps at him.

"Respect goes both ways, bird man!" Axe shouts back, which infuriates the captain.

"Alright, people, let's be smart and bring it off," Javelin Knight tries to intervene, but he's ultimately ignored.

It looks like Vul's about to stomp over there and whack Axe Knight with a wrench, but a loud crash and explosion cuts their argument off.

Vul slowly turns around to look through the windshield.

Looks like Daroach just tried to pull a kamikaze by crashing his airship into the Halberd. And it kind of worked, it just didn't bring the entire ship down.

Apparently the captain decides to take his anger out on Axe, seeing as he whips around to glare at him. Axe Knight, however, just shrugs. "I tried to warn you."

Even Vul can't argue with that, so he sighs and sits down again.

"You guys must have a lot of enemies," King Dedede remarks, obviously surprised that a ship just intentionally crashed into them.

"Actually," Meta Knight corrects with an edge to his tone. "They're after your assistant."

"Huh? Why?"

"Probably because they hit Daroach with their car on the way to the castle."

"...Oh." Dedede seems uncomfortable now.

You notice Vul fumbling with the steering wheel. "Er, Meta Knight we're stuck. Their ship is lodged inside ours, I believe."

"I'm getting a weird sense of déjà vu," Mace Knight remarks.

"Is it because a scenario almost identical to this one happened in another story, with the difference being that it was the Halberd that crashed into my ship?" Magolor asks with a slight huff, clearly still miffed about whatever happened in another universe.

You can hear clanging up above, followed by what sounds like multiple steps and muffled voices.

Meta Knight glances up at this. "Either Galacta Knight is up to something in the air ducts, or our ship is being boarded. I find the latter to be more likely right now." With his big fancy words, he wraps his cape around himself and just stands there, looking fairly neutral, albeit a bit annoyed, as he usually does.

The loud squeaking that usually comes from the little bouncy guys that follow the Squeaks around confirms that they are indeed aboard the ship.

Welp. Seems like you've got another group besides the knights that are intent on hunting you down and killing you. Are they going to fight over who gets to kill you? That'd be cool to watch. You glance around until you find Kirby. "Hey," you whisper, figuring he would know the answer to the question you're about to ask. "Is there a kitchen here? And more importantly, can I microwave some popcorn?"

Kirby, who's always happy to help, smiles and nods. Gesturing for you to follow, he runs out of the control room, and you follow him. You don't look back, even when you hear a couple of people shouting after you.

⁌13⁍ ✿ Dededaroach's Insurance Fraud ✿

About 3 minutes later, you and Kirby return to the control room with a slightly burnt bag of popcorn. The Halberd apparently has a very overpowered microwave, who would have guessed? Maybe they're microwaving people inside it.

At least someone opened up the doors again, so you can freely move about the ship.

While you were excited about the popcorn, it's still burnt popcorn. It can't really be redeemed. Even my cat, who has eaten everything from papayas to gummy bears, won't eat burnt popcorn. I tried giving it to him, and he spit it out and walked away. It's that terrible.

There's some pieces that are still fine though, so you pick around the burnt ones.

Of course, everyone's glaring at you as you and Kirby strut into the room, but you don't really care. You don't see the Squeaks, but you can certainly hear them all over the ship. Agitated shouts, sputtered questions, and panicked squeaking fill the air above and around you.

"See, this is why I was saying we need a map," Mace Knight says, gesturing over at the wall that a loud thump just came from. "It's too easy to get lost in here!"

"Oh sure, let's put up maps of the entire ship everywhere, I'm sure our enemies would really appreciate it!" Is Axe's sarcastic retort.

"That isn't what I was saying," Mace huffs, but it sounds like he's backpedaling on his idea just to make it sound like he wasn't being an idiot.

"Ooh, is that popcorn?" King Dedede asks, looking over at you. "'Ey, gimmie some!"

You instantly shove the entire bag at him. "Of course."

"Simp."

You glance up to find Galacta Knight looking down at you condescendingly from where he's still perched up in the air ducts. He really seems to like it up there.

Dedede looks surprised at your overly generous offer. "Oh, uh, I just wanted a bit, but thanks! Heheh!" He grabs the entire bag and snatches it up into the air, smiling gloatily. He shoves a handful of it in his mouth, only to shout and drop the bag on the floor. "It's hot!" He cries.

"It just came out of a microwave, Dedede, of course it's hot!" Meta Knight exclaims irritably.

Meanwhile, Kirby's crawling on the floor and pecking up the spilled popcorn like a chicken. Free food is free food, and Kirby definitely isn't picky.

You slowly glance from Kirby to the front of the room. Sounds like the Squeaks are still having a hard time trying to find their way around the ship. It's pretty funny, you think.

"Kirby for Nova's sake, don't eat off the floor!" Meta Knight yanks the puffball up rather roughly, causing Kirby to yelp and then glare at him. Meta, of course, just stares straight ahead without acknowledging him.

"I mean, Sailor Dee did just mop the floor," Axe Knight points out. "It's probably fine."

"You're just saying that because you want Kirby to get sick from food poisoning so you can take joy in his suffering!" Bandana Dee accuses.

Sheesh, what happened in the 3 minutes you were gone that caused Bandana's attitude towards the knight to shift so suddenly?

"Hm...sounds like these guys are having a hard time getting through the ship," you hear Captain Vul remark. "I know what'll help them along!" Was that a smirk you saw before he turned around?

You hear a loud clang towards your left, followed by some pounding.

"Vul, did you..." Meta Knight trails off for some reason, and you glance over to see him looking towards the floor, though his eyes appear to be closed.

"I did." Vul turns around again, smiling clearly this time.

"I thought we agreed that you would stop impulsively releasing the Heavy Lobster."

"We also agreed on trying to take over Dreamland again, but we've gotten nowhere with that!"

Meta Knight stiffens at that, his eyes going wide at the revelation. At the same time, Dedede and Kirby turn to stare at him.

"You what?!" Dedede shouts, while Kirby just glares up at Meta as threateningly as a cute pink puffball can.

"Oops." It seems Vul realized he probably shouldn't have said that in front of everyone, judging by the fact he averts his gaze and quickly turns around.

You can hear lots of clanging, followed by banging and thumping.

"That doesn't sound good..." Mace Knight stares over towards where all the noise is coming from, seeming quite worried. "It sounds a lot like it did when Kirby destroyed it."

Kirby shrugs innocently when a couple glares are thrown his way.

CLANG, BANG!

BOOM!

Some alarms start to go off again, one of which sounds like the unused drop notice sound from Kirby Air Ride.

"Uh oh, ship go explodey," Magolor giggles, seeming way too happy about the Halberd being damaged.

"We've lost a wing!" Mace exclaims, and you notice Meta Knight doing a double take. "What do you mean we lost a wing?!"

"I think the Squeaks ganged up on Heavy Lobster, and the explosion from it took out an entire wing!"

"Oh boy, this sounds familiar," Trident Knight remarks, his tone edged with thinly veiled sarcasm. "Say, which wing did it take out this time?"

"The left," Javelin answers.

"Wasn't it the right wing last time?"

"I believe so."

"I guess the Heavy Lobster is a centrist, then," Trident comments.

You notice that the ship does seem to be leaning now. You suppose only having one wing would cause that.

"This is terrible," Sailor Dee frets. "We'll have to make emergency repairs in the middle of space!"

"If your ship is even salvageable," Galacta Knight states ominously from the air ducts.

Sailor Dee pulls his cap over his head, looking very worried as he sits on the floor. At least Bandana Dee's trying to comfort him.

Why are the other three surrounding Axe Knight? They seem to be waiting for something. Axe just looks annoyed, though, and it seems as if he's trying to pretend they aren't all standing over him.

"Come on, say it," Mace Knight prods, almost sounding giddy with excitement.

Axe just shakes his head, staring down at his desk.

Trident huffs.

"Say the line, Axe Knight," Javelin pushes.

It seems like Axe is contemplating and regretting every life decision he's ever made before he finally sighs and speaks quietly, albeit monotonously. "The left wing is destroyed."

The other three erupt into cheering.

Well, that singular line is his legacy in the Kirby meme community, you suppose.

"AHA!"

At the sound of an unfamiliar shout, you turn around to find Daroach standing in the doorway, trailed by a couple Squeaks. "I've found you at last!"

"It took you long enough," an unimpressed Axe Knight replies, glancing up from where he has his head down on the desk.

Daroach glares over at him, but then his gaze settles on you. "You. I've come to take you as a prisoner. And you—" he glares at Magolor. "You are an accomplice."

Magolor looks surprised. "Huh?"

"Uh yeah, about that..." You glance over towards Meta Knight, who's glaring at you for no clear reason this time. "I'm already technically his prisoner."

Seeming confused, Daroach glances from you to Meta. "What business do you have with them?"

"Oh, it's just silly stuff," Magolor interjects, putting on a rather carefree expression as he floats between the two of them and waves his hand. "They just pulled a few harmless pranks on him and he wants to go straight to murder; everyone knows that's just how Meta-Not is." A canned laugh track plays from somewhere, and everyone glances around in confusion. Some even look scared. Then again, what could be scarier than having your life turned into a sitcom?

"Do you consider treachery, terrorism, repeated homicides and a zombie uprising to be 'harmless pranks'?!" Meta Knight demands, getting up in Magolor's face.

Magolor blinks, backing up a little bit as he stares down at the knight in confusion. "...What was that last one?"

Yeah, zombie uprising, what? You don't remember that ever happening.

Judging by the confused looks from Vul, the knights, Daroach, and Sailor and Bandana Dee, you suppose everyone else is lost on that one too. King Dedede and Kirby, however, don't seem to be confused. The pink puffball looks a bit concerned, while the king's gaze is unreadable.

Even Meta Knight appears a bit blanked out at the moment, seeming to have a look of "I should not have said that".

"Well..." Dedede fakes a cough. "Ya' might as well spill the beans on that to everyone else, Meta."

He continues to stand there with a blank look for a few moments before sighing and closing his eyes. "As we all know, this...person...murdered Escargoon via vehicular homicide."

Sheesh, he's even hesitating to call you a person now.

Daroach does a double take. "I didn't know that."

"Well, now you do." Vul shrugs in the background.

"Shortly after the funeral...or what was a sorry excuse for one...everyone else set out to rescue Dedede while Kirby and I stayed behind, along with Blade and Sword," Meta Knight continues. You glance around the room, realizing you haven't seen the latter two at all.

"The next day, I returned to Escargoon's gravesite only to find that it appeared to have been dug up."

"Bro you are not accusing me of digging up Escargoon's corpse," you interrupt. "I wasn't even on the planet!"

Meta Knight twitches a bit. "Silence."

"Okay Mr. 9 inches tall," you reply.

"He said shut up!" An axe is thrown at you, but you step to the side and it crashes through a window instead of hitting you.

Axe Knight just stares after it. "Oops. I'll fix that later, Meta Knight."

"Sure you will." Meta Knight doesn't even look at the broken window. Shouldn't it be creating a vacuum since you're in space? You guess you should be thankful that it isn't.

"At first I wondered if it was possible that an animal had attempted to dig him up. But the coffin was empty—"

Dedede gasps, which you don't really understand since Meta Knight presumably already told him all this when he left with him and Kirby to have that private chat earlier.

"—And there was no trace of the body."

"I thought you usually told the scary stories," you hear Mace Knight remark quietly, and you glance over to see him looking towards Axe, who just shrugs.

"I...decided not to investigate it further then, since I had more important matters to attend to, such as rebuilding the castle that someone blew up," Meta Knight says very pointedly as he glares at you.

You point over at Axe Knight. "Actually, that would be axe guy throwing gasoline and a match inside the throne room."

"It's Axe Knight!" He snaps.

You smirk, glad that you picked up on his reaction to being called that by Vul.

At least Meta Knight seems to falter a bit at your claim, blinking a couple times before scoffing and looking away from you. Even if he won't admit it outloud, he probably does believe it.

"Within the next few hours, I began to notice some strange things happening outside. Kirby noticed it as well, however—"

"Poyo poyo poyo, poyo poyo!" An annoyed Kirby interrupts. Whatever those poyos meant, Meta Knight seems irritated by them. "Yes, Kirby, I am aware that—"

"Poyo poyo! Poy-poyo!"

"And I have said we will discuss this further in private—"

"Poyo! Poy-poyo poyo!"

"Must you make me look bad in front of everyone?" Meta Knight asks sharply, turning to glare at his apprentice.

"I'm not sure, Meta Knight. You're the one arguing with a child, after all," Galacta Knight puts in from where he's still hanging out up above in the air ducts.

"I didn't ask for your input, Galacta." Meta Knight directs his glare up at the Laziest Warrior in the Galaxy.

"I find that my input is often valuable."

"It isn't." With that simple retort, Meta Knight looks away from him.

Daroach glances at the watch he's wearing on his wrist. "My lunch break is in 3 minutes. Could you hurry up with your explanation?"

Meta Knight blinks again, briefly narrowing his eyes at nothing in particular. Did he just clench his fists?

"About a half hour later, I took Kirby to the castle's kitchen. It was there that we saw Escargoon, risen from the dead."

"He must have come back for that parfait in the fridge," Mace Knight jokes.

Meta Knight eyes him suspiciously. "How did you know there was parfait in the fridge?"

Mace slowly looks away. He doesn't answer.

Meta Knight stares over at him for another moment before turning back around. "He was in the process of attacking a Waddle Dee. By the time we got over to him, he had already killed it. It, however, came back to life, and started to attack us, along with Escargoon—"

"TLDR. Too long, didn't read," Magolor fake-yawns loudly.

"There's nothing to read, you absolute dingus!" Axe Knight shouts at him from across the room.

"At least I can read," Magolor huffs, waving dismissively. That retort earned an axe throw, which comedically misses Magolor and crashes through another window.

"Sorry!" Axe calls over as Meta Knight just sighs and facepalms.

He definitely looks irritated again. "Fine. Escargoon came back from the dead, and a large portion of Dreamland's population has turned into zombies, if not all of them. Kirby and I had to evacuate. And I deem this to be entirely their fault." He glares at you. "I'm sure you used your connections to Nightmare Enterprises and Haltmann Works to start this."

Bruh.

"That sounds more like an NME thing than a Haltmann one," Vul throws in. "Demons and monster stuff are kind of their specialty. Haltmann is mostly just robots, plus, well...I hate to admit this, but...Kirby did kill their president, effectively shutting down their entire company unless Sus — er! That vile woman, I mean, took over." Apparently Susie is known as She Who Must Not Be Named around here.

Meta Knight seems to close his eyes a lot, you idly note. "Vul, this timeline is a fragile mess that is barely being held together by the plot. Please don't fracture it further by talking about it or pointing out the things that make it inconsistent."

"Hey, what about the fact that this story is really slow and pretty much unnecessary before chapter 6, and then it picks up very fast and suddenly from there?" You ask. "Or the fact it's supposed to be a King Dedede x Reader fanfiction but never seems to focus on that anymore?"

"With all due respect, please stop talking." That's probably the most polite way you've ever heard someone say "shut up". Javelin Knight sure is a bit of an oddity among the other three.

"This one," Magolor remarks, resting a floating hand on Javelin's head. "I like this one."

Javelin gives no response. If anything, he just looks a bit nervous.

Magolor then turns to shrug at you. "I'm sure it'll all work out eventually. If it ever gets finished, that is!" He adds cheekily.

A slight sense of doom hangs over you at the thought of potentially being stuck in Dedede x Reader purgatory should I ever wind up dropping this story like all my other ones.

"...Well then." Daroach breaks the awkward silence. "We're here because they committed a hit and run against me twice, but it sounds as if there's some more serious things that should be addressed first—"

"Huh? Twice?" You interrupt. You're pretty sure you only hit him with your car once!

Daroach gives you a side glance, though it seems more like a glare. He usually does look like he's glaring anyway, though. "...Shortly before you had boarded Magolor's ship, we'd begun to come over in an attempt to apprehend you. We were approaching from the front of the ship, when you suddenly ran inside it with Marx, and the ship took off very suddenly. You crashed into me once again..." He trails off a bit, probably figuring that you must understand it by now.

It takes you a bit to put the pieces together, but eventually it lines up. "Oh, so we did hit something when we left," you say to Magolor.

He blinks a couple times, giving a hesitant "oops" as he nervously rubs the back of his head.

"...Magolor, have you anything to say in defense of hitting Daroach with your ship?" Meta Knight asks.

Magolor shrugs a bit. "I plead oopsie daisy."

Meta Knight looks outraged at his response.

Daroach clears his throat. "Well...I would still like to receive justice for what they did, but I trust your judgment, Meta Knight, and I'm sure you'll see to it that they are properly punished for their crimes."

Meta Knight simply nods at first, seeming polite for once. "I'm glad we were able to resolve this peacefully. Now, since you crashed your airship into us and caused an explosion that took out our left wing, I'd like to exchange insurance information so that you can pay for the damages—"

You watch as Daroach's eyes go wide. Before Meta Knight can even finish his sentence, he turns and bolts out the door. The little Squeaks hop along after him, squeaking feverishly. Meta Knight looks a bit baffled, blinking a couple times before his senses come back.

"Get back here!" He shouts, pulling his sword out as he runs after Daroach. The other four knights and Vul follow him, adding in their own shouting.

You, Magolor, Kirby, Galacta, Dedede, Bandana and Sailor Dee remain in the control room in silence. Squeaking, shouting, running, banging, and clanging fill the air around you.

"I can't believe they left all of us alone in the control room," Magolor remarks after surveying the scene. "Besides you two," he says, glancing at the Waddle Dees, "I don't think they should be trusting any of us alone in here!"

"I-If you guys start messing things up, I'll have to report you to Lord Meta Knight!" Sailor Dee says, though he does seem to be shaking a bit. Fear. Fear is probably what he's feeling.

"You are implying that we'll let you live," Galacta Knight says as he slowly comes down from the air duct, weapon drawn. Sailor Dee just presses himself up against the wall, holding his mop in front of him as a form of protection.

"I, uh...don't think a mop is gonna stop 'im," Dedede points out helpfully.

Sailor Dee begins to shake more.

At least it would appear that Galacta Knight's lost interest in the Waddle Dee for now. Instead, he goes over to look at the dashboard up front.

Well, with no one supervising you, you're free to essentially do whatever you want. You and Magolor exchange a brief glance before you both run off to mess things up.

Magolor goes straight for the steering wheel, giggling as he pulls it off the shaft. You didn't realize the steering wheel could detach that easily, but little do you know, everyone regularly pulls it off to whack each other with it.

As Magolor floats off to go hide the steering wheel somewhere, you go over to Axe's treasured CD collection. You're not sure what you were expecting, but you're not very surprised to find Limp Bizkit in the mix. He just looks like a Limp Bizkit fan.

There is one CD that sticks out like a shining gem, however. It's a crude, almost childish drawing of Dedede punting Kirby, with "Dedede's DEDEDELAND!" printed on it in comic sans. Is it a computer game? The king's mixtape? You're not sure, but you swipe it anyway. You have no idea why Axe Knight of all people would have it, but it's yours now.

Maybe he stole it for a laugh? That would probably be the most likely answer. If it's stolen, surely you can use it to gain King Dedede's heart by returning it to him!

Then again, with how Dedede tends to be, he might very well think that you were the one who stole it in the first place and then get mad at you.

Hm, you'll have to tread carefully with Dedede's Dededeland.

You glance over at the king, but he isn't looking at you. Instead, he's watching Kirby and Bandana Dee with an eyebrow slightly raised. You're not really sure why he's watching them like that, since they don't seem to be doing anything besides talking (that must be a pretty one-sided conversation, you think).

You slip Dedede's Dededeland into your backpack/purse/Old Navy Man Pants™ Pocket, or whatever you choose to store your stuff in, along with your Kitchen Gun, Dededell Mini, and John Cena flip phone. What a collection you've amassed.

You absently glance at the John Cena phone inside your preferred portable storage unit. You should really use this soon, if not for the practicality, then for the funnies.

You take another look at the CDs, but the rest seem to just be edgy rock albums and shooter games for the Dbox 360 (no Xbox was allowed in Dreamland, it had to be Dedede's cruddy knockoff version). Fitting.

In the corner of your eye, you notice Magolor heading over to you, so you turn to face him. You notice that the steering wheel is gone. With a curious tilt of your head, you question where it is.

"Oh, I put it with the corn dogs," Magolor replies with a slight giggle. You laugh.

"No."

You look over when you hear Dedede's stern voice, and you see him pulling Kirby away from a shiny red button. You're tempted to hit it, but seeing as Dedede clearly disapproves of Kirby going after it, he probably won't take kindly to you attempting to do the same.

You're a bit surprised that Dedede seems to respect the ship (and/or Meta Knight) enough to not be pushing buttons or messing with stuff. Given his personality, he does seem like the type of person to push shiny red buttons.

And despite not allowing Kirby to do it, you notice that the king is glancing at the button with barely concealed interest. It seems as if he's trying to restrain himself from pushing it. Could this be your first chance to help him as his assistant?

"Your Majesty," you say as you walk over. "We don't know what that button does, so I'd advise leaving it alone."

Dedede whips around, seeming spooked by someone suddenly addressing him. You know how people get jumpy when someone catches them doing (or about to do) something that they shouldn't? That's how Dedede was acting.

His eyes narrow into a glare as he stares down at you. "Who're ya' to tell me — oh right, you're my new advisor." Dedede calms down once he remembers that.

You're about to reply, but a commotion out in the hallway grabs your attention. Curious, you go over and peek out of the room to see what's going on.

Captain Vul and Mace Knight are dragging a tied-up Daroach across the floor. Meta Knight follows them, overseeing (of course he isn't aiding them at all). The funniest part about the whole situation though would be Axe Knight — he's clearly trying to do most of the work in dragging Daroach, but given how small he is, he isn't really able to accomplish much of anything.

Daroach looks pretty annoyed, but being tied up, he can't do much of anything but get dragged across the floor. To add insult to the injury, Javelin and Trident keep poking him with their weapons, with the latter knight making snarky remarks.

You step aside as they approach the control room. Of course, right before they actually enter the room, Axe Knight shoves Mace aside and takes his place, looking quite proud as he drags Daroach into the room. "I caught him!" He announces.

"...You caught Daroach by yourself?" Bandana Dee questions a bit dubiously.

"I sure did!"

"You barely did anything!" Captain Vul retorts, glaring down at Axe as he walk past him.

"No need to thank me," Axe Knight replies humbly.

Vul looks baffled. "Thank you?!" He sputters.

Axe Knight simply blinks at him. "You're welcome."

The two stare at each other for a few moments before Captain Vul goes over to the steering wheel and rips it off the helm. Or, he attempts to, at least, seeing as the steering wheel is currently residing in the land of corn dogs, kept company by Uncle Grandpa and DaBaby.

"Wha—?!" He gawks. "Where is the steering wheel!"

After his exclamation, Meta Knight goes over to investigate. It doesn't take long until he's glaring at Magolor. "Well?"

"It's in good company," Magolor replies cheerfully.

"Tell me where the hell the steering wheel is, Magolor!" Meta Knight pulls his sword out.

"I don't feel like it." Magolor begins to turn away, only to flinch when Meta swings at him. "Okay okay! I'll tell you." He inhales deeply to gather his thoughts, only to then blink and put on an innocent expression. "Um...oopsies, I forgot." He giggles a bit.

Meta Knight just glares at him wordlessly, his eyes now glowing a deep red, of course.

Magolor begins to float off, only to suddenly get tackled to the ground by Axe Knight. "You get the steering wheel and put it back where it belongs, or else I'll cut your ears off!" He threatens. And seeing as he's currently got an axe against one of Magolor's ears, he probably fully intends to follow through on that threat.

"I'll help!" Trident Knight volunteers, pulling one of his several tridents out as he helps Axe pin Magolor down.

"Interesting threat!" Magolor remarks. "However, your mother." With that, he suddenly disappears, only to reappear above the two knights.

Man, you love Magolor (platonically, of course).

"Hey, uh..." King Dedede pipes up, and you instantly turn your full attention towards him. "Without the steering wheel, does that mean we're uh...y'know, stuck here in space?"

"Why yes we are, Dedede," Meta Knight replies. His tone is ever so slightly condescending. "Now do you see why Magolor is a problem?"

"Er...yeah, kinda," Dedede admits, looking faintly worried. "Hey, Magolor, buddy, could ya' maybe—"

"Forget trying to be nice to him, Dedede," Meta Knight interrupts a bit sharply. "The bottom line is that he must be removed from the ship."

"But have ya' tried asking him nicely to stop?" The king questions. Meta Knight ignores him. Instead, he goes over to Vul. "You work on getting Daroach's insurance information," he commands, "and I will handle Magolor."

"I've been trying to do that," Vul complains. "He won't talk!"

Tied up on the floor is still a very annoyed looking Daroach.

"...Make him talk, then." With those ominous words and a sweep of his cape, Meta Knight turns around and begins to head over to Magolor, who's currently floating around with Axe Knight hanging off of his cape as Trident Knight keeps trying to hit him.

"Magolor. I'll give you a chance to leave our ship peacefully. Otherwise, we will remove you forcefully."

"Hmm..." Magolor appears to ponder the thought for about 3 seconds before replying cheekily. "I'll gladly take whichever option inconveniences you more!"

Meta Knight's left eye twitches slightly. Just slightly.

"...Mace Knight. Ready the canon."

"Do we have to blast him into space?" Trident Knight asks, sounding disappointed. "I'd rather kill him—"

"I WANT TO RIP HIS GUTS OUT!" Axe Knight shouts over him. He's clearly pretty angry that he's getting dragged across the floor (literally) while trying to bring Magolor down. At least Sailor Dee just mopped the floor though, so it should be fine.

"You can try," Magolor replies in his usually cheery tone. "I may not even have any guts for you to rip out, though!"

"I'LL GOUGE YOUR EYES OUT, I'LL SHOVE THIS AXE THROUGH YOUR SKULL, I'LL—"

"The canon's ready!" Mace Knight reports.

"Uh...how are you gonna blast Magolor with a canon that's on the outside of your ship?" You ask. Surely they can't be this dumb?

"Like this." Mace Knight goes over and suddenly grabs Magolor, who looks at him in surprise. Before the Halcandran can ask a question, Mace has already thrown him through one of the broken windows (courtesy of Axe Knight).

A confused Magolor floats around in space for a few moments until Meta Knight activates the canon.

Magolor's eyes go wide as it charges up. There's a bright flash of light, and you can hear Magolor's screaming grow more and more distant as the canon blasts him off.

"Holy crap, you killed Magolor!" Bandana Dee gasps.

"He isn't dead, don't worry," Mace Knight assures him, even giving the Waddle Dee a little pat on the head. "We just sent him off elsewhere into space so that we can return home safely."

"Holy crap, Magolor's going to get killed!" Bandana Dee cries.

"Um...well, he should be fine..." Mace Knight trails off, casting a nervous glance to the side.

Well, if history repeats itself, you can expect that Magolor will be back soon enough.

"I would have loved the satisfaction of doing that myself," Axe Knight complains, going over towards his desk. Once he reaches it, he stops short, staring down at the desk for a few moments before he speaks. "...Who touched my CDs."

"Joe," you tell him.

"Who the hell is Joe?" He scoffs, giving you a side glare.

You smirk. "Joe mama."

Crash!

There goes another axe through a window, you muse as you stare at the broken window behind you. He should really stop throwing axes before he breaks every window in the ship, you think.

After looking at the broken window for a solid 10 seconds, Meta Knight turns away and speaks. "Now then...Unless you'd like to suffer the same fate as Magolor, Daroach, I'd suggest you hand over your insurance information."

Daroach is defiantly silent.

"...Fine then. Have it your way." Meta Knight turns around. "Mace Knight, charge the canon again."

BOOM!

"What was that?!" Vul squawks.

"There's been major damage to the engines!" Mace exclaims.

After the shock of the explosion fades, Vul turns to glare at you. "I bet it was that person! I told you to get rid of them, Meta Knight, and now look what's happened!"

"...While I do agree about wanting to get rid of them, they've clearly had nothing to do with this explosion." It sounds like Meta Knight has to force every word of that sentence out. He probably would have loved to blame you for it, but you can't really be blamed for something that happened while you were standing in the control room and doing quite literally nothing.

You do notice, however, that Daroach is now smirking. "It seems that you may have forgotten about my accomplices, Meta Knight."

Oh right, there were the other two Squeaks. Apparently they were to blame for the second explosion. Makes sense.

"...Where did the explosion originate from?" Meta Knight asks hesitantly.

"It looks like it was a fire that started in the engine bay," Mace Knight answers. "From there it spread and hit some transformers, which caused the explosion."

Axe Knight gives an annoyed sigh, and you watch him as he goes over to grab the fire extinguisher. "I got it." He appears to be in no rush as he leaves the control room, so you can safely guess that fires on the Halberd are very common.

Meta Knight, of course, looks furious upon receiving the information of the explosion. "You better have some good insurance, or else I'll harvest your organs and sell them to pay for all these repairs!" He snaps at Daroach.

Ah, so that's where his knights get all their violence from.

Daroach looks highly offended. "We are not arsonists! We steal things and cause trouble, but we have never set things on fire, much less a ship full of people!"

"Then how do you explain this?!" Meta Knight demands.

"I don't know! It's your ship, you figure it out!" Daroach snaps back. Seems like he has an attitude.

Meta Knight glances around the room slowly, only to suddenly do a double take. "Wait a minute...where is Kirby."

Everyone seems to get a look of panic on their faces once they realize Kirby's disappeared from the control room.

Even Dedede looks surprised. "He was just standin' here a minute ago..."

Bandana Dee nods in agreement, looking a bit worried.

"I'll go find him," Mace Knight offers, picking up his weapon as he runs out of the control room.

"Yeah! Make him sorry for ever coming on this ship!" Vul shouts after him.

"...You know, I think that oil change might have been due sooner than I thought," Axe Knight remarks as he returns, sounding faintly concerned. Apparently it wasn't a very large fire, seeing as he's already back.

"Didn't you say you were going to do that last week?!" Trident Knight asks, sounding befuddled as Axe just goes to hang the fire extinguisher up again.

"I remember him saying he'd do it a month ago," Javelin Knight puts in.

"Try two months ago." Meta Knight's now glaring at Axe Knight, who apparently finds the wall very interesting right now, seeing as his gaze is fixed firmly on it.

Meta Knight sighs a bit and turns away. "When we get back, we're doing a walkthrough of the entire ship."

"If you get back," Galacta Knight puts in.

"Shut up, Galacta!" Meta Knight snaps. "As for YOU..." He turns to glare at Daroach. "If you don't hand over your insurance information this instant, I will blast you out into space!"

"I don't even have insurance!" Daroach retorts.

Meta Knight does the usual eye twitch again. "What do you mean you don't—"

"Why else do you think I made a run for it?!"

Silence hangs in the room. It seems the crew isn't quite sure what to make of this situation.

"I say we harvest his organs." Axe Knight breaks the silence first.

"I hear kidneys are going for a lot on the black market right now!" Captain Vul adds.

"...Sailor Dee, I'd like you to escort our...'guests' to another room," Meta Knight says, his gaze lingering on you for a few moments. "The rest of you may do as you see fit."

Why aren't you surprised that Meta Knight would let his underlings harvest someone's organs?

"Sure thing, sir!" Sailor Dee nods happily and begins to walk along, only to stop when he sees Mace Knight dragging a caged Kirby into the room.

Kirby looks quite irritated, sitting inside the cage and pouting angrily.

"...Why is Kirby in a cage?" Meta Knight questions.

"He growled at me." Mace Knight casts a worried glance towards Kirby, who reaches through the cage and tries to smack him.

"Kirby, what have I taught you about manners?" Meta Knight scolds.

"Poyo poy-poy poy...poyo poyo poy-yeet 'Macey'," Kirby grumbles.

"HA!" Axe Knight laughs out loud at that statement, pointing over at Mace Knight. "He called you Macey!"

"I'm thrilled." Mace's body language would say otherwise.

"Sailor Dee, take Kirby with you as well," Meta Knight instructs as he frees Kirby from the cage. Of course, that action appears to terrify Mace Knight. "You have no idea of the horrors you've just unleashed."

"I'm sure Kirby will be fine—"

"POYO POYO POY POY, POYO POYO POYO!" Kirby shouts as he shoves past everyone and runs out of the control room. Someone was clearly quite angry about being locked up.

"...Stop him. All of you! Now!" Meta Knight orders.

As the four of them chase after Kirby, Meta Knight glances over at Sailor Dee. "Take everyone else to the holding room. Vul and I will handle Daroach." He turns to glare at the leader of the bunch, who glares right back. "See if you can find a spare steering wheel along the way, Sailor Dee."

You notice that Vul seems way too excited about this situation.

"Sure thing! Come on, friends!" Sailor Dee calls cheerily as he leads the way out of the room. Dedede and Bandana Dee follow him immediately. You hesitate a bit, but eventually start to follow. Sailor Dee seems nice, after all.

Galacta Knight, however, simply flies back up into the air ducts.

"Galacta—!" Meta Knight begins to complain.

"I want to watch this." Galacta Knight blinks slowly as he adjusts himself inside the air vent. "I'm sure it will be quite amusing."

Amusing to watch the two of them terrorize Daroach, or amusing to watch them attempt it? You're more inclined to believe the latter.

"Hey, c'mon." Dedede's voice draws you back to the present, and you see him standing there waiting for you. "As my assistant, ya' gotta follow me everywhere unless I have ya' doin' somethin'!"

"Of course, Your Majesty."

King Dedede slows briefly to give you a bit of a weird look, and then he turns forward again.

You follow the king in silence for the rest of the trip, led by Sailor Dee. The Waddle Dee quickly proves to be a much better tour guide than Meta Knight ever could. He's pointing out some things along the way, reminiscing about different memories he has about working on the ship.

"And right there is where a hole used to be!" He points at a spot on the floor. "We missed that spot after rebuilding the ship one time. Right below us is one of the engines. Thank goodness the ship wasn't running, or it could have been a lot more disastrous when Mace Knight fell in there!"

Before anyone can reply, Sailor Dee's already moved on to the next thing. "Over there are the fuel tanks," he says as he points off down a hallway. "We had to make an emergency landing once, because Captain Vul dropped the Heavy Lobster in there and caused a huge fire!" He quickly points in the opposite direction. "And over there..."

The more he talks about all the mishaps on the Halberd, the more surprised you are that it's still running.

Oh well. If tradition follows, you're sure this ship will be sinking into the ocean by the end of the story. At least that's a comforting thought.

You look up at King Dedede as you walk. And there's another comforting thought: the king. You smile to yourself. As you're led to the holding room, whatever that may be, you're already devising new ways you can try to win his heart in a short time frame.

⁌14⁍ ✿ The Dededire Quest for a Jelly Filled Donut ✿

The holding room isn't anything too exciting. It's pretty much just a plain room with a small table in the center of it, accompanied by six chairs. If the abandoned playing cards and drinks on the table are any indication, this room also doubles as a place where everyone hangs out.

There's a fridge in the corner, along with a counter and sink. Against one of the walls is a bookcase, whose contents seem to be limited to instruction manuals and other various books about tools and machinery. On top of the bookcase is a radio, with a small stack of CDs next to it.

Across from the bookcase is a desk with papers and a computer on it. The computer appears to be running an ancient version of Windows, and currently has a ton of popups on the screen (most of which just seem to be prompts to update Java).

All in all, it's kind of a cozy feeling room. It would probably feel even cozier if the walls and floor weren't made of metal. Oh well.

"Well, make yourselves comfortable!" Sailor Dee says. "I'm going to go see if I can find an extra steering wheel in the storage." He points over to the fridge. "Help yourself to some refreshments, but please don't touch the Coke or Applebee's vodka! Axe Knight doesn't like to share." With a friendly wave, he turns and leaves you, King Dedede and Bandana Dee alone in the room.

Of course, you take his words as meaning "do touch the Coke and Applebee's vodka". So once Sailor Dee's gone, you head over to the fridge.

Holy crap that's a lot of soda.

There's also a half-empty bottle of vodka (or half-full, if you're that kind of person) that has a pricetag of one dollar on it.

Confused and a bit concerned, you wind up shutting the fridge. Unfortunately there's no food in there, which kind of sucks, as you're beginning to grow hungry.

Dedede obviously mirrors your thoughts, seeing as he immediately asks, "Any food?"

You shake your head sadly. "No."

"Hmph." Dedede folds his arms across his chest and glances around the room.

Meanwhile, you notice Bandana Dee going through the CDs that were on top of the bookcase. As he shuffles through the discs, he looks down at them with a very confused expression.

Curious, you walk over. "What's up?"

Bandana Dee jolts as you approach him, almost dropping the CDs. Apparently he still isn't entirely over the incident from Chapter 6. "U-Uh, I'm just looking through these CDs," he says.

"Anything good?" You ask casually.

Bandana Dee appears to frown as he looks down at the CD cases once more. "I have to say, Beethoven, Limp Bizkit, Hannah Montana, and 'Rain Sounds That Unfortunately Include the Frequent Cries of My Cat Because She Wouldn't Shut Up While I Was Recording This' is quite an odd mix."

You blink a couple times, taking several seconds to process this information. The first two you could've expected, but the Hannah Montana is pretty weird. As for the last one, much like Dedede's Dededeland was the shining gem in Axe's CDs, it seems that Rain Sounds is the shining gem in these ones.

"Pop that last one in."

Bandana Dee opens up the CD player on top of the radio and loads Rain Sounds That Unfortunately Include the Frequent Cries of My Cat Because She Wouldn't Shut Up While I Was Recording This into the tray.

You listen in silence as the sound of rain begins to play from the radio. Then...

"Mrrrow...mrrow. Mrow. Mow. Mmmmeeeee...Mrow. Mrrrraaaa-"

True to the title of the album, that cat is not shutting up.

It's beautiful.

"Hey, uh..." You look over when your hear King Dedede. He stares at you for a moment, rubbing his chin before he speaks. "Uh, what's your name?"

You nearly faint right then and there. Dedede is the first and only person so far in this story that's asked your name!

Surely he should've had it by now, especially since you're his assistant. But he's never bothered to ask before now, and neither has anyone else. And it's not like you've ever formerly introduced yourself to anyone, either.

You tell him your name.

"Y/n...okay." Dedede nods as he repeats your name. "Anyway, I gotta job for ya'."

You bow. "At your service, my ki-"

"Alright, stop that, ya' weirdo." Dedede grabs you by the collar of the shirt and lifts you so that you're standing up straight. "Look, why don't ya' go back to the kitchen and see if ya' can find me a jelly filled donut or somethin', since ya' never got a chance to get one for me earlier. I'm gettin' hungry."

A quest! Your eyes sparkle at his request. This causes for King Dedede to give you a very weird look, as normally Kirby is the only one with a noticeable eye sparkle (not that it matters).

"Of course, my ki-"

"Just, just go do it please!" Dedede shakes his head as he closes his eyes. "Quit bein' weird about it."

It would seem you should start trying to curb your enthusiasm to serve Dedede. It's clearly beginning to weird him out.

You open the door and begin to head out of the room, only to stop in your tracks as a terrified, screaming Sailor Dee runs past you. Flying after him is Galacta Knight, with his lance raised.

You can only guess that Sailor Dee was trying to stop Galacta from doing something, and that clearly enraged the warrior enough to chase him down the hall.

As you watch them run off, you realize he isn't giving up in his pursuit, either. Well then.

No matter. Dedede wants his jelly filled donut. So off you go towards the kitchen.

In the kitchen, you find a Dunkin Donuts box on the counter. You open it up, pleased to see that there's still one donut left. And it's a jelly filled one! Perfect!

After poking it experimentally, you conclude that the donut is probably from this morning. A bit hard from sitting out for a while, but ultimately still edible.

"Squeak! Squeak, squeak, squeak." A Squeak hops up onto the counter next to the donut box.

"Aw," you say, realizing how cute they are now that you're seeing one up close. "What's up, little guy?"

"Squeak, squeak!" It begins to edge closer to the box, staring at the donut.

"Oh no no, you can't have this one, sorry," you say as you pick up the donut. "This donut is for the king!"

The Squeak stares up at you, giving you puppy dog eyes.

You have to resist. Dedede needs this donut! (He really doesn't, but you can't disappoint him).

"Sq-UEAK!"

You gasp as the Squeak hops up and launches itself at your hand, effectively knocking the donut free. It falls to the floor, and the Squeak grabs it in its mouth and begins to hop off.

"Hey! Get back here!" You shout, running after the Squeak.

As you're chasing it through the hall, you bump into Trident Knight. Literally.

"What are you doing?" He huffs, brushing himself off.

You point at the Squeak that's getting away with the donut. "That Squeak stole the last donut!"

"He WHAT?!" Trident whips around to look at the Squeak. "Get back here, you vermin!"

You stand there and watch as he runs after the little creature, only to wince when he literally suplexes it. The donut goes flying up in the air once the Squeak's been pinned to the ground, and you run over to grab it before it hits the ground. "Thanks!" You chirp, running off.

"Wha—HEY!" Trident yells after you, but you're already at the other end of the hall.

You're a bit hesitant to admit it, but you realize that you've become lost on the ship. Maybe Mace Knight did have a point when he suggested maps.

Anyway, you have no idea where the holding room is, and you're on an unfamiliar ship that's full of thieving, donut-loving mice, hostile knights, and a very angry god-destroying toddler. This is a bit of a predicament.

And what's the best way to solve a predicament?

"JOOOOHN CENA!"

You can hear Mace Knight screaming in fear from the other side of the ship as John Cena's theme blares, announcing his arrival.

It takes about 10 seconds for him to reach you. John Cena screeches to a halt in front of you, adjusting his trademarked U 🚫C ME hat. "How can I help you, friend?"

"I'm lost," you say, holding up the donut a bit. "And I need to get this jelly filled donut to King Dedede in the recreational room before the Squeaks try to steal it again!"

John Cena frowns. "Well...I just beat people up."

"Oh," you say.

John Cena shrugs. "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I can't really help you in this situation. If you ever need a Cena to beat someone up for you though, feel free to give us a call!" He winks at you before launching himself through a window. You wince, thinking that all that broken glass must surely hurt.

It seems John Cena can't help you right now. You also forgot about the fact that there's apparently multiple John Cenas with a collective conscious, but you don't really have time to think about that right now.

Wait, couldn't he have beat up the Squeaks so you don't have to worry about them stealing the donut? It's only a passing thought you have, in order to acknowledge that plothole.

What you do have time to think about right now, however, is the commotion you're hearing around the corner. Sounds like Axe is trying to pick a fight with Galacta again.

This is gonna be good. Too bad you burnt the popcorn and gave it to Dedede. Alas, you'll have to watch this showdown/beatdown without popcorn.

You peek your head around the corner to watch the scene, clutching the jelly donut tightly in case a Squeak tries to sneak up on you and steal it.

The first obvious thing is an annoyed Galacta Knight. Axe is clearly trying to make himself seem bigger and more threatening, but you're not really sure why until you see that Sailor Dee is hiding behind him.

"And who is going to stop me?" Galacta asks condescendingly. "You?"

"I already cut off one of your horns, and I'll cut off the other one too!" You're not sure if you find it more impressive or amusing that someone as small as Axe Knight can say threats like that to an ancient warrior such as Galacta Knight.

"If you'd like to die attempting it, be my guest." Galacta Knight steps forward. "I'd rather not end a child's life, so I suggest you move now."

"I'm almost 30," Axe Knight huffs.

What? That's sad.

"That's just sad," you can't help but remark aloud. He's almost 30 years old and spends his life trailing a guy who regularly loses battles against a child? At least that makes you feel better about your Dedede worshipping.

Axe Knight, of course, glares at you for the remark. But after a few seconds, you notice him avert his gaze slightly, seeming almost uncertain. Apparently even he realizes how sad his life is.

"If you're quite done..." You laugh out loud when Galacta Knight just punts Axe off to the side. With him out of the way, Galacta then points his lance at Sailor Dee, who appears to be frozen in terror. What did the Waddle Dee to make him so angry, you wonder?

You don't get to dawdle on that thought for very long, as Axe Knight is quick to run back over and swing at Galacta. And of course he hits him square in the other horn, leaving Galacta with two chipped horn-halves.

You watch as the piece of his horn goes flying and hits the wall. Everyone just stands there for a moment, probably processing what just even happened. Then, Galacta slowly turns to glare at the smaller knight. "I'm giving you a 5 second head start, child. I suggest you begin running."

"I'm an adult, but I will choose to take that offer." And there goes Axe Knight. Galacta, true to his word, waits exactly 5 seconds before flying after him.

Well that was something. Now that the situation is over, you start to laugh at Galacta's fate.

"H-Hey! It isn't funny!" Sailor Dee scolds. "Axe Knight could get killed!"

"Oh, no, I was laughing at Galacta losing his horn," you clarify. While Axe getting killed isn't exactly humorous, you don't really find yourself moved by the thought either. He's more of a side character, anyway. A side character with a lot of screentime, that is.

"So, uh..." You trail off a bit before speaking again. "I'm kind of lost, and I need to get this donut to King Dedede."

"Oh, okay! I can lead you back to the holding room." Sailor Dee is so kind, bless his heart. Apparently he isn't even mad at you for leaving the room in the first place.

You follow the Waddle Dee as he heads down the hallway. You notice, though, how he keeps casting worried glances at his surroundings.

"So what got Galacta trying to kill you?" You inquire.

"H-He was pushing buttons, and wasn't listening when I kept telling him to stop," Sailor Dee replies. "Then he started going for the levers, and the next one he was going for would have dropped one of our fuel tanks! I had to stop him, so I smacked him in the face with my mop."

Why would they have a simple lever for dropping fuel tanks?! You blink afterwards, though, surprised to hear that Sailor Dee actually went up against Galacta Knight.

"That got him really angry, which is why he chased me out of the control room. I thought he would have stopped eventually, but he didn't! I figured he was only trying to scare me, but I think he was actually going to kill me!"

Galacta Knight murdering someone for whacking him in the face with a mop? Yeah, that's pretty believable. In fact, it's right in line with all the other petty and trivial things he's been known to do. The Costco chicken salad incident comes to mind.

You shrug a bit. "Well, he didn't, thankfully. He's gonna go kill the axe guy instead now." You give a small smile.

"Don't say that!" Sailor Dee gasps softly, sounding a bit terrified once more. "I'm really worried about Axe Knight. He always tries to pick fights with people that are much bigger and stronger than him. He could get seriously hurt or killed if he keeps it up!"

"Well that's on him," you reply unsympathetically.

You're a bit surprised when Sailor Dee turns on you. A glaring Waddle Dee is always a mildly unsettling sight, at the least. "He just saved my life, you know!"

"Okay, well...he's still a jerk," you mutter, glancing off to the side. Why are angry Waddle Dees so unnerving?

"He can be a bit gruff, aloof or snarky sometimes, we know that," Sailor Dee huffs, waving a stub as he turns around and begins walking again. You follow him, assuming that the brief skirmish is forgotten. "But he always has our backs."

"I think I'd like him more if I was punting him down a hallway," you remark. You think back to the time you did that to Meta Knight, and begin snickering to yourself at the memory.

Sailor Dee huffs again, and you catch sight of him rolling his eyes as he turns a corner. The two of you continue walking in silence for a bit longer, or at least until he starts talking again. He seems to be a little talkative, you think (not that it's a bad thing).

"When we were at Dunkin' Donuts this morning, there were two Poppy Bros and a Grizzo ganging up on Javelin Knight," he begins to say. "They had him backed into a corner, and I thought they were about to trample him with the Grizzo!" He pauses as the two of you go through a doorway and turn around another corner.

"But then Axe Knight threw a chair and knocked them off the Grizzo. He grabbed one of them and slammed its head through a table, then split the other ones skull open with his axe, and then he axed the Grizzo in the forehead with that same axe!"

The way Sailor Dee talks so casually, or happily, even, about violence that extreme...it's a bit concerning, to say the least.

"So...what'd you all do with the bodies..?" You ask slowly.

Sailor Dee simply blinks. "Nothing. Trident Knight got the donuts while Axe Knight was killing them, so we were all ready to leave by then."

"...You just left three dead bodies at Dunkin Donuts?"

"That's what the janitors are for." Sailor Dee turns to wink up at you.

You feel your eyes widen, and the rest of the walk continues in silence. Sailor Dee seems to be in a good mood, while you...you're a bit scared to think about what dark things the Waddle Dee is involved with.

"Here we are!" Sailor Dee opens the door to the holding room, and you're both immediately greeted with a loud cat yowl.

"...I see you've found 'Rain Sounds That Unfortunately Include the Frequent Cries of My Cat Because She Wouldn't Shut Up While I Was Recording This'," Sailor Dee remarks. "Be careful with that — Captain Vul hates it!"

"Gee, I can't imagine why," you reply innocently.

"He keeps throwing that CD out the window, but Trident Knight always has another copy within the next 5 minutes," Sailor Dee briefly rambles. "Mace Knight described it as 'Squidward with a closet full of alarm clocks', except in this case it's Trident Knight with a closet full of 'Rain Sounds That Unfortunately Include the Frequent Cries of My Cat Because She Wouldn't Shut Up While I Was Recording This' CDs." He seems amused by the comparison. Too bad he had to ruin the joke by Peter Griffin-explaining it, though.

"Well, anyway, I still have to try and find a steering wheel! I should probably find someone who can help Axe Knight, too..." Sailor Dee rubs the side of his head, looking concerned as he turns around and leaves the room.

The three of you — person, penguin, and Waddle Dee — stand in the room for a few moments, silent except for the rain sounds that are broken up by occasional cat noises.

"Hey, where's my donut?" Dedede asks.

"It's right heee—whaaa..?!" You sputter when you realize your hand is empty. Where did the jelly filled donut go?!

A Squeak must have stolen it when you weren't looking!

They're the most reasonable ones to blame, but why not have some fun throwing someone else under the bus?

"The guy with the axe stole it," you lie.

"WHAT?!" Dedede holds his hand approximately 8.5 inches above the ground. "Is that the little snarky one?!"

"Sure is."

"I'm gonna clobba' him!" King Dedede runs out of the room, hammer raised. You smirk as you watch him run off.

"...Axe Knight didn't really steal the donut, did he?" Bandana Dee asks flatly.

You smile and shake your head. "Nope."

Bandana Dee sighs and turns away. "I uh...found some other CDs," he says, most likely attempting to start a conversation so as to avoid an awkward silence. "There's a Jonas Brothers album, more classical music, and this one with a picture of Mr. Krabs."

First Hannah Montana, and now the Jonas Brothers? What's going on with these guys?

The Mr. Krabs one you have to see, however. You walk over to examine it.

Bandana Dee was right — the cover is just a picture of Mr. Krabs. You open up the case to find a blank CD with "Mr. Krabs walking sound 10 hours" written on it in black marker.

"Oh yeah, we have to play this." Cutting off the cat yowling with the rain, you take that CD out and replace it with Mr. Krabs.

At first, there's silence. Then you hear the Mr. Krabs walking sound effect. It's much louder than Rain Sounds With the Crying Cat, too.

"Argh, which one of you lot is playing that stupid walking sound again?!" You hear Captain Vul shout from way down the hall. "It isn't funny, and it never will be!"

You huff softly to yourself. You think it's pretty funny.

If the Captain's reaction is anything to go off of, though, you can assume that the knights regularly torment him with this particular CD. You used to think they were just minions who follow Meta Knight's orders and nothing else, but this new knowledge makes you realize that they're...band kids. They're basically band kids.

You and Bandana Dee stand there in an awkward silence for a bit. Of course, neither of you stop the CD, so the Mr. Krabs walking noise keeps playing. And if the words written on the CD are true, then it'll continue to play for the next 10 hours unless someone stops it.

Not long enough, it should be at least 20 hours.

"Imagine you picked up a penny," Bandana Dee says, "and then you just hear this noise getting closer and closer."

You snort in laughter at his joke.

Oh no. He just told a joke.

By the time you have that realization, it's too late. You can already hear the slap-bass of the Seinfeld theme in the distance.

"We gotta hide," you tell him urgently. "Before Jerry Seinfeld finds us."

Bandana Dee looks a bit worried, but he follows you without any protests as you open the door and begin heading down the hallway.

You don't have a specific destination in mind, of course, given that you don't really know the layout of the ship. You're just trying to get as far away from the Seinfeld music as you can.

As you're running down a hallway, you gasp and stop in your tracks. The jelly filled donut! Did you drop it? Did a Squeak drop it? Would Dedede even still want it if he knew it had been sitting on the floor?

You don't care, you just know you have to get this donut to him. So you quickly grab it and resume running. Seeing as Bandana Dee is ahead of you, he probably didn't even notice that you stopped.

You catch up to him, and the two of you run around a bend, only to slow to a halt when you see the other three knights pushing a steel box down the corridor.

They seem to be having quite a bit of trouble with it. Trident's the only one consistently pushing it; Mace keeps jumping back whenever the box moves, and Javelin is staying well away from it.

As they walk by, you're pretty sure you can hear growling from inside the box, followed by angry poyoing and banging. The noises make Mace Knight jump back again, and you're pretty sure Javelin's practically shaking with fear.

"...You know, I'm pretty tempted to make a 'how many Meta-Knights does it take to change a lightbulb' joke, but that might make Jerry Seinfeld approach faster," you remark as you watch them.

"The answer is one," Mace Knight huffs, briefly glancing over towards you. "Sometimes two if the lightbulb is up very high."

"Did you say Jerry Seinfeld?" Trident Knight immediately stops pushing the box, turning around to look over at you.

"I-I said a joke," Bandana Dee says, looking down, as if ashamed. "I forgot we weren't supposed to do tha—"

The Seinfeld theme is suddenly much louder.

Trident now seems as terrified as the other two.

All of you exchange worried glances with each other.

And then, suddenly...

Jerry Seinfeld jumps out at the end of the corridor, smiling as he stands there menacingly. "Ya' like jazz?"

You make a run for the other end of the hall, and Bandana Dee follows you.

The two of you screech to a halt when Jerry Seinfeld jumps out at that end of the hallway, too. "What's the deal with airline food?"

And just when you think things can't be more chaotic, you hear a chainsaw revving in the air ducts above you.

For the first time in your peaceful Dreamland life, you understand the true meaning of fear.

Bandana Dee screams in terror as Jerry Seinfeld runs at him.

You have a brief mental conundrum. Do you save Bandana Dee and risk dropping the donut again? Or do you make a run for it and leave the Waddle Dee behind? It should be a very easy and obvious decision, but...this reader insert is really obsessed with King Dedede...

Fortunately, you don't have to make a decision that would make everyone hate you, as the other three jump in to save him. It would seem that Bandana Dee is well-liked by the knights, but why wouldn't he be?

Apparently, they didn't even need to save him, though. Jerry Seinfeld stops a few inches before the Waddle Dee, then stands up straight and gives him a thumbs up. "Hey man, that was a good joke!"

The Seinfeld theme plays at a normal volume this time, with cheering and applause mixed in.

Bandana Dee is clearly stunned. "U-Um...Th-thanks, Mr. Seinfeld."

"You're welcome!" Jerry Seinfeld smiles wider before he turns around and walks off.

Apparently Jerry Seinfeld only comes to capture people who tell bad jokes, then.

No wonder he took Marx.

"...How are all these people even getting onto the ship?!" You hear Mace Knight asking, half to himself it sounds like. "We're in space, and yet there was John Cena, and now Jerry Seinfeld, how are they...through space...weren't even on the radar..." You don't hear the rest of his words, as he kinda just trails off into mumbling. He does raise some good points, though.

There's still lots of chainsaw noises coming from above, which is a bit concerning. It seems like a lot of stuff happens in the air ducts — maybe you should go check it out sometime.

If all the chainsaw revving and screaming, shouting and cursing from Galacta Knight is any indication, you can guess that the current activity up there probably includes attempted murder.

"Poyo poyo poyo POYO POYO!" Kirby shouts, banging against the inside of the steel box that he's imprisoned in. That's enough to make Mace and Javelin back up; clearly the two of them are afraid of Kirby to a significant degree.

"Come on, let's hurry up and get this hellspawn in a closet somewhere," Trident Knight says, sounding kind of irritated as he gets behind the box and begins to push it down the hallway once more.

"I'm not going near that." Mace Knight shakes his head. "He's going to break out any second now, and he'll bring this entire ship down!"

"Not if I have anything to say about it." Trident resumes pushing the Kirby box. "I'd shoot him out into space if Meta Knight let us. But he won't, so the closet will have to do," he grumbles.

So Meta Knight draws the line at blasting Kirby out into space, but he's fine with stuffing him in a box and locking him in a closet? It doesn't sound like he really has his morals lined up correctly.

"Um...I can try talking to Kirby, if you'd like," Bandana Dee offers, following after them for a few steps before stopping.

"If you think you can reason with the pink demon, you're wrong," Trident Knight replies bluntly, still pushing the metal box.

Mace Knight nods in agreement. "Axe calls him 'the pink sphere of doom' for a reason."

Hellspawn, pink demon, pink sphere of doom. Sheesh, these guys really don't like Kirby.

Then again, they kinda just seem to hate everyone.

Bandana Dee looks troubled, but he doesn't attempt to argue anymore.

The chainsaw noises and screaming are still going on above you. Gradually, though, you can hear the screaming growing more and more distant. As it does, the chainsaw slows, and eventually stops.

You notice the other three have stopped again (they really haven't made it very far down the corridor at all), looking up, as if they could somehow see through the air ducts.

It doesn't answer any questions, though. In fact, it probably just creates more questions when Axe Knight hops out of the vent, brandishing a chainsaw and looking proud of himself.

There's a bunch of white feathers caught in the blades of the chainsaw, which you can only assume came from Galacta Knight.

The other three just stare at him. He stares back for a couple moments before looking at his chainsaw again.

"...Did you just kill Galacta Knight?" Trident Knight's the first to speak.

"I wish." Axe shakes the chainsaw, causing a few loose feathers to flutter to the ground. "I think I scared him off, though." He fumbles with the chainsaw for another moment until he notices the metal box between the other three.

Silence falls over the corridor (save for Kirby's angry poyoing) as Axe Knight just stares at the box that contains the angry puffball.

The other three exchange uncertain glances with each other before Javelin speaks. "Please don't chainsaw Kirby in the face."

"I would've done that a long time ago if we weren't stuck with an E rating," Axe points out.

"Just!" Trident Knight says sharply. "Just help me stuff this brat in a closet somewhere."

"With pleasure."

Keeping an axe on his side is one thing, but a chainsaw is much bigger and heavier. That's probably why Axe Knight just drags it behind him, letting it scrape against the floor and create a horrible metal-on-metal scraping noise that makes everyone else cringe.

There's a clear divide between the four of them based on how they feel about Kirby. On one end of the spectrum is pure hatred, and at the other end is blind fear. It seems none of them are at the middle ground, either; it's simply black and white.

The two of them aren't pushing the Kirby box for long, as another loud commotion is starting up at the end of the corridor. Squawking, shouting, and banging. There's another loud thud, and then suddenly Daroach is running down the hallway.

Axe and Trident, being the closest, are the first to attack and/or chase him. While it doesn't stop Daroach entirely, it slows him down enough to the point where the other two can block his path.

Once he's blocked off, they kind of just surround him while swinging their weapons around, with the exception of Axe - he just revs the chainsaw.

You notice Meta Knight and Captain Vul running around the corner, only for them to stop short when they see the current scene. An abandoned metal box with an angry Kirby in it, the knights surrounding Daroach while being very threatening, and you and Bandana Dee watching all this going down. What a sight.

And of course, since there would be no better (read: worse) time for it than now, a portal suddenly opens near Daroach.

To your surprise, it isn't Magolor. Unfortunately, it's Marx.

He hops out of the portal, which looks like a void. Everyone but the Meta-Knights just stare at him.

"I'm back from Brazil," he says rather matter-of-factly.

Those four words are apparently enough to summon Jerry Seinfeld again. Guess that's what happens when you use an old meme.

At the exact same moment, Kirby finally breaks free from the box. And he looks furious. "POYO!"

The knights all turn around at that, most of them looking to be in genuine fear.

During all the confusion and chaos, Daroach takes the opportunity to pull out his weapon and send a blast at the four surrounding him, making them go flying all over the corridor. Javelin Knight goes flying upwards and smacks the ceiling. Mace lands just shy of the wall, while Trident faceplants on the floor. And Axe, much to your amusement, literally hits the wall, bounces off of it, and then hits the opposite wall like a bouncy ball.

While they were tossed all over the place, Daroach ran. By the time you turn around after watching the knights going everywhere, he's already gone.

"Oh Nova damn it, you idiot!" Vul curses, glaring at Marx. "You absolute buffoon! Complete cretin! They had him surrounded! You messed everything up!!"

Marx shrugs uncaringly, despite not having any shoulders.

"And YOU—" He glares at Kirby, only for his eyes to widen when he sees just how enraged the puffball is. He draws back after that, glancing uncertainly towards the side. He never finishes whatever he had been about to say to Kirby.

The Seinfeld theme is much louder this time, but instead of being accompanied by cheering, it's come with lots of booing.

"BOOOOO!" The voices echo as Jerry Seinfeld appears again and runs towards Marx, who has an expression of "aw man, here we go again".

Once the man reaches him, however, Marx headbutts him into the portal that was still there. Jerry Seinfeld screams as he gets knocked into the portal, and then it closes.

"...Holy crap, Marx just sent Jerry Seinfeld to Brazil," Trident Knight remarks as he rubs his head, still sitting on the floor from Daroach's attack.

Marx smiles smugly, standing up straighter. He's so cocky sometimes.

You can hear someone approaching from behind, so you turn around, only to blush when you see that it's King Dedede.

The king glances over his shoulder as he walks down the corridor, then looks over at Meta Knight as he stops near you. "Uh, Daroach was runnin' that way."

"Yes, we know," Meta Knight replies, his voice tight.

Dedede holds his hands up defensively. "Just tryna help."

"If you wanted to help, you could have stopped him!" Vul squawks.

The king shrugs slowly.

Meta Knight just stands there for a few moments with his fist pressed against his forehead before he finally begins to address the remnants of the chaos. "Kirby, I'll get you some cake if you behave yourself."

"Poy-NO!" Kirby grabs the metal box and throws it at his mentor, who ducks it. He turns to watch it land behind him, then whips back around to glare indignantly at Kirby.

Kirby, of course, just glares right back at him.

The two glare at each other for a few moments until Meta Knight slowly averts his gaze towards Axe Knight. He seems to do a double take when he realizes that he's holding a chainsaw. "Where the hell did you get that?!"

Axe shrugs. "Found it."

"Give me that!" Meta Knight snatches the chainsaw from him, tucking it inside his cape as he walks away. A couple more white feathers fall to the floor in the process.

"YOU!" King Dedede shouts, and you look over to see him pointing down at the smallest knight.

Axe Knight, of course, is confused by this, seeing as he's done nothing to warrant the king's wrath (as far as you know). "Me?"

Dedede stomps over and picks him up by the arm (hand, if you want to be technical). "I'LL TEACH YA' TO TAKE MY JELLY-FILLED DONUT!" He shouts before violently whipping the knight through a window.

Good thing he wears armor, or that harsh throw and broken glass probably would have hurt a lot more than it did.

Meta Knight is clearly furious: twitching visibly, his eyes glowing as red as Galacta Knight's. "He doesn't even like jelly-filled donuts, Dedede."

"Well, I heard he stole it!" Dedede retorts.

"And who told you that? Your assistant?"

"Yeah!"

Meta Knight just glares up at Dedede. He glares at him for a while.

The king slowly averts his gaze, seeming a bit uncertain now.

You're still holding the jelly-filled donut, but if you gave it to Dedede now, it would probably just prove that you were lying. So that's why you instead drop it on the floor, trying to discretely kick it away as you whistle casually and look the other way.

Kirby notices though, and he gives a happy poyo before running over and eating the floor donut. You know Kirby isn't picky, but...you think he'd have some standards.

Well, you're thankful that he's gotten rid of the evidence, at least.

You glance through the broken window out of curiosity. For someone who's currently floating in space right now, Axe Knight seems pretty calm. Weird. About as weird as all these broken windows not creating any vaccums.

"So...what are we doing about Daroach?" Captain Vul asks after a bit of silence.

"We'll have to address that later, back in Dreamland. The ship needs some urgent repairs right now." Meta Knight glances out the window, where one of his minions is still floating around, thanks to Dedede.

"Can he even breathe out there?" Mace Knight asks worriedly.

Trident shrugs. "He looks fine to me."

As pretty much everyone stares at him, Axe just waves. "Hey Macey, look! I'm a JoJo reference!"

"Yeah, he's fine," Javelin says flatly, coming off as rather unamused.

Meta Knight just facepalms. "Get him back in here. We have a lot of work to do—"

"Hey, um, what's that?" Bandana Dee asks suddenly, pointing to something out in space. His voice raises in pitch towards the end of the question, making his tone come off as concerned.

You peer through the window, but all you can see is something white and rectangular in the distance. It's slowly getting bigger and more detailed as it gets closer.

As it does, you can begin to hear music.

"Good mornin', all night long! Good mornin'. Good mornin'. Good mornin'!"

Meta Knight's eyes widen as he stares at the approaching vehicle, and you're pretty sure you caught a flicker of white in them, too.

"Javelin, get Axe Knight in here. The rest of you, lock down the ship and charge the canons. All of them."

⁌15⁍ ✿ Dededishing Out Knight Abuse ✿

As everyone else ran off to do their designated duties, Sailor Dee was assigned to watch you, along with Bandana Dee, King Dedede, and Marx. As for Kirby, well...he was still pretty angry, and it probably didn't help that Meta Knight was making the puffball follow him everywhere. To be honest, you wouldn't have been surprised if he'd just put a leash on Kirby at that point.

Meta, Kirby, Vul, and the knights (excluding Axe and Javelin, since one of them was still floating in space, and the other was assigned to get him back inside the ship) are in the control room again, while the rest of you are led back to the holding room.

Which kind of sucks. You really wish you were by the window so you could see who's coming at the ship this time.

"Oh, Captain Vul hates this one, too," Sailor Dee remarks as he hears the music of choice that you and Bandana Dee picked out. Maybe the Mr. Krabs walking sound really does go on for 10 hours. It would be kind of funny if it does.

"What CD does he not hate?" You reply sarcastically. He apparently hates the Rain Sounds with the Cat and the Mr. Krabs walking sound, and you can't imagine he enjoys Beethoven, Limp Bizkit or Hannah Montana either.

Sailor Dee rubs the side of his head, appearing to be thinking. "Well...hm. He likes The Eagles, but don't tell them they're not actually eagles!"

You nod at the Waddle Dee, but of course you're planning to do exactly that. He's clearly rejected any opportunity for friendship with you since he tried to get you thrown off the ship, so you can't wait to crush his spirits in order to get back at him!

"So what are we supposed to do in the meantime?" You ask, looking around the room. Are you all supposed to just stand around until you get back to Dreamland? That's pretty boring.

"Well, there's a lot to do in this room," Sailor Dee replies. "You can listen to music, read about different types of machinery or mechanical stuff, play cards, or play games on the computer."

You glance over towards the ancient computer dubiously. "Can that computer even run anything?"

"Maybe not the latest games, but we have plenty of old PC games that it runs!"

You wouldn't be surprised if those computer games are older than you.

"I wish I could play video games," Marx remarks.

You glance over towards him. "Why can't you...oh, right." You realize.

"No food?!" King Dedede complains.

Sailor Dee appears to frown. "Sorry, all the food is kept in the kitchen. I'd have to ask Meta Knight if it's okay to get any of you something to eat."

"Hmph." Dedede crosses his arms and glares the other way.

Crash!

In the short amount of time you've spent on the Halberd, you've grown pretty used to hearing crashes and explosions. So used to it, in fact, that you almost unintentionally tuned out the one that just happened.

"...Did that white rectangle crash into the ship?" Bandana Dee guesses.

"Probably, yes," Sailor Dee answers, glancing in the direction that the sound of the crash had come from.

"No fair," you huff, crossing your arms. "I wanna see."

"I'm only following orders," Sailor Dee replies calmly.

"'So were the nazis', as your boss would say," you retort.

"Y'know what? I'm sick o' this!" King Dedede snaps. "Come on, y/n. We're gonna go see what's goin' on." He waves for you to follow as he pushes past Sailor Dee, who steps aside and glances fearfully after the king.

You get to follow Dedede and see all the drama that's going on? Sweet! What more could you ask for?

Well, you could ask to marry Dedede, but it might be a bit too soon for that.

You're not sure if Dedede's ever been on the Halberd before, but he seems to know his way to the control room. You assume so, at least, given how confidently he's marching through the corridors.

Just as you were beginning to wonder if his confidence was a false display, the two of you are outside the control room. Either he's been on the ship before or has a very good memory. Dedede seems like the type to forget things, though, so you assume the former to be the case.

Now, the hangar to the control room had been closed, but King Dedede somehow kicks it straight off the hinges. "META KNIGHT I WANNA KNOW WHAT'S GOIN' ON!"

Of course, the hangar door suddenly going flying across the room causes for some panic. Vul squawks, as usual, and Mace Knight dives underneath his desk as a form of shelter. Meta Knight whips around to see what's going on, while Trident Knight just goes straight to violence. At least the trident misses Dedede, but...

Kirby simply poyos at the commotion.

Meta Knight slowly glances from the hangar door to Dedede. "I take it you'll be fixing that later."

Dedede completely ignores his statement. "Tell me what the heck is goin' on! Who's crashin' into the ship this time? And tell that guy to cool it!" He adds, glaring over at Trident Knight.

Instead of answering any of his questions or concerns, Meta Knight just makes an annoyed gesture towards the windshield. You and Dedede look over to find that a cartoony, white RV with a bunch of random objects on it has crashed into the front of the ship.

No, it can't be...

Uncle Grandpa suddenly pops up from the driver's seat and waves. "Good mornin'!"

It is.

"Who the heck is that?" Dedede asks.

"That's Uncle Grandpa," you explain. "He's everyone in the world's uncle and grandpa."

"Wha—But—That's impossible!" The king sputters.

You simply shrug.

"He's another one of those dimension travelers," Vul gripes. "He goes wherever he pleases and shows up at the worst times!"

King Dedede glances over at the RV apprehensively. "Man, I don't like all the weird space stuff that keeps happenin' up here. I wanna get back home."

"We're trying!" Meta Knight snaps.

"Try harder, then!" Dedede retorts. "We gotta get outta here before the weird space aliens start showin' up!"

"Or the space pirates," Mace Knight puts in from where he's still hiding under his desk.

Dedede stares over at him in horror. "The WHAT?!"

"Enough!" Meta Knight calls, clearly irritated. "Vul, fire the cannons. Mace Knight, take Trident Knight and try to find where Galacta is. Dedede, keep an eye on your...'assistant'. Kirby, keep standing there and don't touch anything." It doesn't take long for him to bark out those orders.

"Poyo-poy poy poy..." Kirby mumbles, clearly annoyed.

"Don't tell me what to do!" Dedede replies sharply as the two knights head out. "I'm the king!"

"And this is my ship."

"But—"

BOOM!

"Bwahahaha! Take that, old man!" Vul laughs as Uncle Grandpa's RV goes flying off into space.

"Prepare to fire again." Meta Knight turns away from him. How convenient it must be, to have your own ship but make everyone else do the work on it.

You glance around the room, noticing that Axe and Javelin still haven't shown up. Either they're busy elsewhere on board, or having some issues with getting back inside the ship. Hm.

That's too bad, you kinda feel like punting that little guy for some reason.

The UG RV is coming at the ship again. You're not sure what Uncle Grandpa could possibly want. Corn dogs? Probably that, yeah.

As Vul's taking care of the cannons again, the other two knights conveniently show up.

"Uh, Meta Knight? One of the engines is just...gone," Axe Knight reports.

"...What do you mean it's gone?"

"It's gone. Not a trace of it." He shrugs when Meta Knight looks at him. "There's also a giant hole in the side of the ship right in the engine bay. It could have something to do with that."

"You think so?" Meta Knight retorts sarcastically.

Once again, Axe just shrugs.

"Maybe Uncle Grandpa stole one of the engines," Javelin suggests.

Captain Vul facepalms at that idea. "That's ridiculous! There is no way—"

"GOOOOOD MORNING!"

You whip around as you hear Uncle Grandpa's shout. You flinch as there's a sudden blast of fire from the back of his RV, and then it's speeding at the ship again.

Vul simply stares at the RV in shocked silence before slowly turning to look over at Meta Knight. "Alright, I guess he did."

"Great." Meta Knight's just glaring at the wall. "Hold off on blowing it up, then — I'd like to salvage the engine."

"The Halberd is designed to still run even when there's a couple engines missing," Vul points out. When Meta Knight doesn't reply, he begins to look concerned. "...Right?"

"How are the rest of the engines?" Meta Knight asks the other two instead of answering the question.

"One's missing, two are burnt — one's totaled and the other is still running at about half performance, and one of them had to be recalibrated. The rest are fine." It strikes you as odd that Axe Knight reports all this so smoothly, and yet Javelin keeps glancing around the room nervously. Is there something they're not telling? Or is Javelin just always a nervous wreck?

"So that leaves us with five engines, soon to be four, most likely?"

"Yes sir."

It seems like Meta Knight is pondering what available options there are. How can he even focus when Uncle Grandpa's shooting the ship with his laser hammer while Vul keeps shooting the RV with the cannons?

It's a pretty interesting spectacle, especially when Uncle Grandpa sticks his head out the window and angrily yells something while shaking his fist. You notice that everyone in the room (except Meta Knight, of course) is now watching the battle.

"How many escape ships do we have?" He finally asks, breaking the verbal silence.

At the question, Axe Knight appears to blank out for a few moments as he counts to himself. He probably can't count higher than 30 (which, to be fair, is still higher than Dedede can count).

"5, I think."

Meta Knight glances down the hall, and you notice his eyes are green now. You figure he's mentally counting how many people are on board, and calculating how many will fit into the escape ships, whatever those are.

Finally, he turns to King Dedede. "What do you think, Dedede?"

Dedede seems shocked that Meta Knight's asking for his opinion. "Uh...what do I, what do I think about what?"

"We can try to make emergency repairs in the middle of space, which will take a while and leave us vulnerable to more conundrums such as this—" he glances over at the UG RV "—or we can abandon ship, and take the escape ships back to Dreamland. I'd prefer to be able to take the Halberd back in order to properly deal with the zombie issue, however...that may not be a viable option."

King Dedede rubs his chin for a moment, looking to be in a bit of a deep thought before he turns to you. "Uh, i'unno. You're my advisor, whaddya think?"

Meta Knight facepalms. "I asked you, Dedede."

"And I need advice on how to answer, so I'm askin' my advisor!" Dedede retorts. "I don't remember ya' complainin' this much whenever I asked Escargoon somethin'!"

"Because Escargoon was an actual advisor, while this person is nothing but a traitorous murderer trying to get close to you. It's painfully obvious, Dedede."

"They're the advisor, not you! Ya' had your chance, Meta — I asked ya' first, and ya' refused. So I'm gonna listen to them." Dedede waves dismissively at him before looking at you again. "So, whaddya think we should—"

Before you can answer, of course, everyone else is butting in.

"You asked Meta Knight to be your assistant?!" Vul squawks, looking shocked.

"Do you think he takes orders from other people?" Axe Knight challenges, looking like he's ready to shove an axe through the king's head, even if Dedede is way bigger than him.

"Poyo poy-poy poy..." Kirby rolls his eyes.

"Meta Knight? An assistant? Have you forgotten who he is?" Even Javelin has something to say about it.

Dedede cringes a bit under all the criticism, holding his hands up and smiling innocently. "Hey, hey, it's all in the past now. It was just an offer, heheh." He chuckles nervously.

"Me shoving this axe through your skull is also an offer," Axe Knight threatens.

Dedede slowly looks over at Meta Knight as he points down at the knight that's blatantly threatening him. "Control this one."

Meta Knight simply blinks, standing there with his cape wrapped around himself.

As there's another explosion and more Uncle Grandpa screaming, Dedede turns back to you yet again. "If everyone's done interruptin' now..." He glares around the room, but no one says anything.

"Now. What's your advice?"

You're silent at first, glancing around the room. Vul's still busy with the cannons, and Meta Knight's watching him. Javelin's just vibing off to the side, but apparently Axe is still glaring at Dedede, looking like he really wants to follow through on his earlier threat.

That won't do. You have to protect your king and defend his honor!

"Well, first..." You trail off before running over to Axe Knight. By the time he turns to look at you, you've already punted him as hard as you can.

You take great satisfaction in watching him go flying down a corridor.

You must've kicked him harder than you thought, since he hits the wall at the very end of the hallway with a loud clang.

When you turn back around, you see Meta Knight glaring at you, while Dedede just stares with a look of confusion. Javelin Knight's staring at you too, but you can't really read his expression.

"I don't think that is advice, Dedede," Meta Knight points out, clearly irritated.

For a moment, you begin to worry. Will Dedede be mad at you for this?

"It might not be the type of advice I'm used to, but...snrk." Dedede begins to snicker, much to Meta Knight's outrage. "That was great, that was real great!"

Finally, you're beginning to gain the king's favor! Your eyes beam at Dedede's approval.

For a few moments, Dedede continues snickering while Meta Knight glares furiously at him. The Uncle Grandpa battle's still going on too, but it's mostly just background noise at this point.

"I don't appreciate this, Dedede." Meta Knight finally speaks, his eyes glowing red as he glares up at the king. "If you're going to allow this kind of behavior from your 'advisor', then I'm going to have to send you both off of this ship."

"Huh, wha—?!" Dedede gasps. "Y-You can't do that!" He barks quickly. "I'm the king!"

"Once again, this is my ship. My knights are fine, hard workers, and I won't tolerate this abuse towards them."

"Well...hmph." Dedede crosses his arms and begins to pout.

"Oh, it was just the axe one," Vul comments, waving nonchalantly. "He deserves to be punted."

"...Don't encourage that type of behavior, Vul." Meta Knight doesn't even look at him as he speaks — instead, he's glancing down another corridor.

"Javelin?" You hear Axe call from down the hallway.

"Yeah?" Javelin replies.

"I want you to do me a favor, Jave. Grab that person and slowly stab them in the neck. Painfully."

Javelin's clearly a bit hesitant, but he does get closer to you and pulls out a javelin.

That's enough of a threat to warrant you taking action, in your book. Right as it seems he's about to try and stab you, you quickly back up and then punt him.

Axe Knight had made it about halfway back, but he gets hit by Javelin and the two of them go flying down the corridor and hit the wall again.

"Strike!" You shout, putting your fists in the air.

"BWAHAHAHA!" King Dedede points down the hallway-turned-bowling-alley and laughs. "This is the best assistant ever!"

You blush from receiving such an honored title.

"What did I just say?!" Meta Knight snaps, a hand on his forehead.

"You said 'what did I just say'," you reply. This causes for Dedede to snicker again.

"That's it! You're getting the Magolor treatment!"

"Bet."

Meta Knight stares at you for a moment. Then his eye twitches, and he reaches for the hilt of his sword. "That's enough. I'm ending this right now!" He announces, drawing his weapon.

King Dedede steps in front of you, placing his hands on his hips. "Hey, ya' better not be tryna kill my assistant!"

"This has gone on for long enough, Dedede! I'm doing a public service for Dreamland!"

"Says you," Dedede retorts. "But who's in charge of Dreamland? That's right, I am!"

"It would be me if Kirby hadn't gotten involved!"

Apparently Meta Knight is still upset about his failed attempt of taking over Dreamland, then. Why aren't you surprised?

"Poyo poy, poy-king," Kirby says, pointing at Dedede.

"I don't care if he's the 'rightful' king, Kirby! You had no business getting involved!"

And now he's arguing with a child again.

"Poyo poyo poy, poy poyo!"

"If you were so concerned with the safety of Dreamland, you wouldn't have put seven Halberds into the ocean! Do you know what that does to the environment?!"

"Poy...poyo poy," Kirby mutters.

"Stop focusing on the one time I destroyed it myself!"

"Poy-no."

Meta Knight looks like he's about five seconds away from blowing up the ship.

You hear a sudden squawk of alarm from Vul, but before you can look over you hear a crash, followed by glass being shattered.

A bit concerned, you slowly turn around to find that Uncle Grandpa managed to successfully crash his RV through the windshield. Vul's just sitting there with a slightly mortified expression.

Uncle Grandpa sticks his head out the driver's side window with an annoyed huff. "Bad morning to you," he says, glaring at Vul. As he does, DaBaby sticks his head out from the passenger window and does the thing. "Les gooooo."

Wow! DaBaby is alive, apparently. You stare at him in surprise. You can't think of how he would have survived getting stabbed in the left lung by a corndog, but then again, has anyone ever been really stabbed with a corndog, let alone get killed from it?

...Please do not attempt to do that. I think it will have legal consequences.

At the same time as DaBaby's "les goooo"ing, you hear someone walking into the room. You turn back around to see Trident Knight, who seems kind of miffed. "I can't deal with Galacta anymore," he grumbles. "Jave, can you please go help Mace try to appre...appra...apprehension?" He stumbles over the word as Javelin just stares at him; you didn't even notice that the other two knights had returned until now. "Go apprehension him, yeah."

"I think the word you're looking for is 'apprehend'," you tell him, of course internally snickering at his dumbness.

"Whatever! I didn't ask you," he scoffs.

"Sure thing, Trident." Javelin leaves the room, meaning the two rudest ones are the only Meta-Knights here now. Cringe.

"...Well, now. Anyway, we were trying to be nice and drop something off for you guys," Uncle Grandpa says, glaring down at everyone as he speaks in a reprimanding tone. "We're still going to do that, but I'd appreciate an apology."

"You're not getting one, old man!" Captain Vul retorts.

"Hmph. Fine." Uncle Grandpa puts his head back inside the RV, rummaging around for a few moments before holding something out the window.

You don't understand why he would have traveled all the way from corn dogs land just to come personally deliver the Halberd's steering wheel, but apparently he did.

Vul looks like he isn't sure how to receive this. "Er...thanks?" He says, slowly grabbing the steering wheel.

"You're welcome!" Uncle Grandpa replies in his usual cheery tone. He reaches for the gear shift, but then stops suddenly. "Oh, and I almost forgot — I'm dropping your friend off, too."

The door on the side of his RV opens, revealing Magolor. "Hello!"

"Take him back," Axe immediately says monotonously.

Uncle Grandpa ignores him, sadly. He shifts his RV into reverse, preparing to leave.

"Hey, wait!" Vul shouts frantically.

"Please, we don't want him," Meta Knight adds.

Still ignoring them, the immortal man smiles and waves. "Good mornin'!"

"But it isn't morning!" Dedede cries.

With that farewell, Uncle Grandpa and DaBaby take off into space with the sweet sound of Uncle Grandpa's hit song "Good Morning All Night Long" and DaBaby's seemingly-constant "les goooo"ing.

What an unusual and wacky friendship.

"Aw, you guys don't like me?" Magolor asks, putting on an innocent face. "Even after I helped Uncle Grandpa and DaBaby bring your steering wheel back?"

"The Waddle Dee was supposed to be getting another one from the storage," Vul points out, clearly miffed about Magolor's grand return.

"Hi, Magolor!" You wave at him, and he happily returns your wave.

"Marx came back, by the way," you tell him.

"Oh, really? Good."

"Yeah, he's in the game room or whatever it's called with Sailor and Bandana Dee."

"Yes, that's the room where the rest of you are supposed to be," Meta Knight cuts in, clearly irritated. "You two—" he looks over towards his underlings "—please escort our 'honored guests' back to the holding room."

"I ain't goin' anywhere, and neither is y/n!" Dedede snaps, folding his arms across his chest.

"...Y/n?" Meta Knight stares blankly at the king.

"My assistant," Dedede explains, pointing at you.

"Oh."

"They have a name?" Axe asks flatly.

"Yeah, us important characters tend to have actual names," you reply. "Instead of just being named after the weapon we suck at using."

You're not surprised when your response earns an angry axe-throw. You were fully expecting it, in fact, which is why you're easily able to duck it.

Of course, it goes out a window instead. At least this time it went out one of the windows that was already broken.

"Damn it, that was my last one," Axe mutters to himself.

He has a finite amount of axes? Hm...that's good to know.

"Fine. Whatever. Trident, take Magolor to the holding room, then." Meta Knight irritably shakes his head as he turns away.

You notice Trident casting a worried glance towards the Halcandran.

Magolor picks up on it. "I'm sorry for the Weezer thing," he offers, looking a bit sheepish and innocent.

"No you're not." It seems like Trident may be trying to mask his fear by acting gruff and annoyed.

As he's led off to the holding room, Magolor appears to be thinking. Then he giggles a bit. "You're right, I'm not."

"I'm not sure why you're making such a big deal about it, Tride," Axe calls after him. "Last time I checked, you had four Weezer albums under your bed."

"...What were you doing under my bed?" Trident asks suspiciously, stopping suddenly as he turns around to look at the smaller knight.

"Don't worry about what I was doing under people's beds. What you should be worrying about is what I saw." Axe glares after him knowingly.

You can't think of anything someone would be hiding under their bed that's worse than Weezer albums, but Trident would appear to have some skeletons in his closet (or under his bed, in this case; maybe literally, too). After staring uncomfortably at the other knight for a few moments, he turns and hurriedly leaves the room.

"And now we have a windshield to fix," Meta Knight complains, facepalming as he closes his eyes.

"And the engines, and the left wing, and a giant hole in the ship, and all the windows the axe guy broke," Vul adds helpfully.

Meta Knight gives a very irritated sigh. Apparently he doesn't find the input to be helpful.

"I'll break your face next," Axe Knight threatens, probably upset about being called "axe guy" once again.

"Axe Knight, I'd appreciate it if you could go five minutes without threatening someone," Meta Knight says, his eyes still closed.

"No promises."

Meta Knight finally opens his eyes again, but it's just to roll them.

"...I think we should get outta here before more weird things start showin' up," Dedede remarks, glancing worriedly out into space.

"Once we patch the hole, board up the windows, fix the windshield and stabilize the left wing we can leave with the ship," Meta Knight points out. "Those are the only urgent repairs at the moment."

Of course, right as he says that is when a rocket ship begins coming at them from a distance.

Dedede slowly looks from the distant ship to Meta.

Even though he doesn't even turn around to look, he seems aware of it. He doesn't say anything, but he definitely looks annoyed.

"So...are we evacuating?" Axe asks him.

"Not yet." Meta Knight glances to the side a bit. "You should pack up anything valuable now, just in case."

"WHY you would bring anything valuable onto this ship is beyond me," Vul remarks a bit loudly.

"...Because we live here?" Axe asks, dragging his response out a bit, as if the answer were obvious.

"Oh. Well that's kind of sad. Can't you guys just, go get an apartment or something?"

"Someone's got to watch the ship, Vul."

"So hire someone, then."

"I'm not trusting strangers!" Axe huffs as he walks off to wherever.

"Here, I'll help you get down the hall," you offer. Before he can finish turning around to look at you, you've already punted him down the hall again.

Dedede, of course, bellows in laughter at that. "It's even funnier the second time!" He shouts, pointing after the knight that just got sent flying.

"It isn't." Meta Knight glares straight ahead.

As you look behind you at the two of them, you notice the rocket ship has gotten closer. Its occupants would appear to be a bootleg Shrek and Donkey.

This can't be good.

The Donkey is dancing around weirdly on the back of the ship, while the Shrek is somehow steering it with a Nerf Wii steering wheel.

You notice Vul shifting uncomfortably in his seat. Is he thinking about bailing already? You've heard that he's a bit notorious for being the first to leave whenever the Halberd goes down, but surely he can't be thinking about ditching it this soon?

It's then that Mace and Javelin finally return with Galacta Knight. You wince a bit when you see the state of him — both of his horns are chipped, his mask is covered in scratches and dents, and there isn't much of his wings left. The feathers that remain are split and straggly.

Galacta just glares over at Meta Knight with silent fury.

"...I'm not sure who that is, but shoot them anyway," he says to Vul about the approaching ship, who of course is happy to agree. As he charges the canon again, Meta Knight turns around and goes over to Galacta.

"I'd like to apologize on behalf of my knights for their destructive and impulsive decisions."

"No, you don't get it." Galacta Knight points at the two standing behind him. "These two are fine. It's the one with the axe who's brains I want to bash out."

As Trident Knight returns from leading Magolor off, Galacta turns to glare over at him. "And I would love to shove that one in a woodchipper."

Meta Knight stares at Galacta for a few moments before finally responding. "...Fair, but I cannot allow that."

"Wait, what?" Trident asks when Meta agrees that what Galacta Knight said is fair.

Meta Knight ignores him.

"OH THERE, HELLO!" A weird, distorted voice shouts. You turn around to find that the bootleg Shrek ship has gotten closer. With it comes the sound of Smash Mouth's "Walkin' on the Sun", except the pitch is lowered several octaves, and you're pretty sure the song isn't supposed to be that slow.

"I am Ogre!" The pilot announces over the music. "I am looking for Mrs. Ogre!"

"I'm Eddie Murphy!" Donkey adds.

Vul looks blankly over at Meta Knight, who shrugs in return.

When no one else offers any answer as to who Mrs. Ogre could be, Vul turns back around and fires the canon.

"AAAAAAAAAAAR!" The knockoff Shrek screams instead of "RAAAAAAAAAAA!" as their ship is blasted off into space.

"I'm Eddie Murphy!" Donkey cries.

"...I rest my case," Dedede says with a slight huff. "Crap up here's gonna keep gettin' weirder, so I think we gotta leave now while we still can."

"There's nothing happening," Trident Knight points out.

Fwoosh!

Beeeep! Beeeep! Beeeep! A fire alarm cries.

"...Out of the ordinary, I mean."

As the fire alarm keeps going off, Axe Knight comes back into the room.

"What's going on?" Meta Knight asks him.

"Daroach set off a bunch of explosives before he left, it's no big deal," Axe replies as he grabs a fire extinguisher.

"Wha—no big deal?!" Vul sputters, pointing at one of the monitors. "A third of the ship is on fire!"

"Don't worry, I'm handling it," Axe replies nonchalantly, certainly taking his time with the fire extinguisher.

"Hurry up, then! Same with the rest of you lot! Quit standing there and get some fire extinguishers!"

"Here, I'll help," Galacta Knight says snidely as he walks over. It would seem that his idea of "helping" is grabbing the fire extinguisher and beating the crap out of Axe Knight with it. Of course, the other three are quick to run in and start whacking Galacta because of that.

Since it's a rather unbalanced fight (the Greatest Warrior in the Galaxy versus four clumsy fanboys? Really?), Galacta just keeps throwing them into walls and whacking them with the fire extinguisher.

"That's enough! Cut it out, all of you!" Meta Knight orders. "The ship is on fire, in case you've forgotten!"

"I got it!" Of course Axe Knight is the one to yank the fire extinguisher from Galacta and start running off.

Galacta Knight looks infuriated by this, but he doesn't pursue him.

"The fire's spreading fast," Vul reports worriedly.

"...So how are those escape ships going, Meta?" Dedede asks.

"Not yet."

"Screw that! I'll take one myself!"

"You don't know how to operate it," Meta Knight points out a bit irritably.

"Gimmie someone who does, then!" Dedede retorts.

"I am not giving you one of my knights."

"Oh, I'm sure you can manage without one. Like uh...that one," he points at Javelin, who seems a bit offended that Dedede just suggested he wasn't needed on the ship.

"He hasn't been trained to operate one, either."

"WHAT?! WHY?"

"Because only the older ones are allowed to be piloting ships."

"Huh? How old is he?" Dedede glances confusedly at the knight.

"Over 24 and a half by 12 days," Javelin replies.

Why so specific?

Dedede still seems confused, but at least he doesn't press the matter further.

"Well, gimmie an older one, then," he huffs.

"They're the most experienced." Meta Knight facepalms. "They're needed even more on the ship."

"Hmph." Dedede crosses his arms.

"...Will you guys stop standing around?!" Vul snaps when he realizes the four dorks are still standing there in the room, doing nothing about the fire.

Seeing as the other three just look amongst each other dumbly, Axe rolls his eyes and starts to walk off with the fire extinguisher. "Alright."

Meta Knight shakes his head. "Hurry up, please."

"Don't worry Meta Knight, I have it under control," Axe replies nonchalantly as he leaves the room.

"Under control? Half the ship is on fire, Axe Knight!"

"I'll handle it."

Meta Knight, befuddled, stares after him, mumbles something, then smacks his hand against his forehead.

"So now are we evacuating?" Dedede asks him.

"No!" Meta Knight snaps, visibly irritated.

"I think we should at least consider it, Meta Knight," Vul cuts in.

"Of course you would say that," Trident remarks snidely.

"Oh shut up and go help the other one put out the fire already! Same for the rest of you lot!" The captain snaps at him.

They continue to stand there.

"...Go help Axe Knight put out the fire, please," Meta Knight eventually says.

The three of them immediately nod and follow his orders.

Vul grumbles to himself, clearly mad that they didn't listen to him but obeyed Meta Knight without hesitation.

"Sheesh, how big is the fire?" Dedede asks.

"Big," Meta Knight replies very helpfully. Before Dedede can ask for any sort of clarification on his one-word description of the fire, he's walked away and headed over to the control panel.

At least the awkward silence doesn't last for long, as Sailor Dee comes in with Bandana Dee, Marx and Magolor. "Are we planning to evacuate the ship, sir?" He asks.

"Nope," Dedede answers before Meta Knight can speak. "Because this guy is too stubborn for his own good." He glares at Meta, who is still visibly irritated.

"How is a ship made out of metal even on fire this badly?" Magolor asks.

"That's a good question," Marx agrees after no one answers his question. "This is like, cartoon logic."

"Will everyone even be able to escape?" Sailor Dee begins to fret. "There's a lot of people on here!"

"...I reckon some will have to stay behind," Meta Knight answers after a noticeable pause.

"Well it ain't gonna be me!" Dedede immediately responds.

"Obviously—" Meta Knight starts to say.

"Or my assistant, and ya' better not even think of leaving Bandee behind, either!"

"Why would I ever leave Bandana Waddle Dee?" Meta Knight huffs a bit, as if offended. Of course he has no qualms about leaving you behind, though.

"Uh...iunno, cause you're Meta Knight. You're very, uh...unpredictable, I guess." Dedede pulls at the collar of his undershirt, glancing off to the side.

"He'd never leave me behind!" Bandana Dee cuts in, glaring up at Dedede.

Uh oh, there's another Meta Knight fanboy. Of all people though, Bandana Dee? Strange.

You cock your head suddenly as you begin to pick up on some distant beatboxing.

What?

Weird.

"Looks like your fanboy dorks are staying behind, then," Magolor remarks cheekily.

"Absolutely not! I'll be sending some of you off into space while the rest of us take the ships."

"You're gonna blast us into space?!" Dedede gawks.

"I didn't say you, Dedede," Meta Knight points out curtly. "Your assistant, however, will be one of the first to go."

"Not if I get a say in it!" Dedede snaps, putting his hands firmly on his hips.

As the king glares down at him, you can hear the beatboxing getting closer.

"Pmm, suh-ah-say-ee, pmm pmm, tha-uh-nos-tha-uh, pmm, tha-ee, pmm, nos, pmm, suh p, pmm pmm, suh-ah-say-ee, pmm pmm, tha-uh-nos-tha-uh, pmm, tha-ee, pmm, nos, pmm, suh..."

"Oh WHAT NOW?!" Meta Knight shouts, his sudden anger catching a few of you by surprise. It usually isn't like him to shout, after all.

"We gotta get out of here, man," Marx comments.

"Don't you think we're trying?!" Vul snaps at him.

"...It doesn't look like it," Magolor points out. And he's right — they've mostly all just been sitting around, except for the knights that went to go put out the fire.

Instead of responding, Meta Knight just sighs and begins to leave the room. Where the heck is he going?

Dedede glances after him suspiciously. "Hey, you," he whispers, leaning down and glancing at you. "I wanna know what he's up to. Follow him," he says, pointing after Meta Knight.

"Of course, my king!" You eagerly respond before quietly heading after him. Even though sneaking up on Meta Knight is probably impossible.

"Ooh! I wanna go to!" Magolor says.

Dedede stares at him desperately. "No—!"

"We're spies!" He proclaims loudly, following after you.

So much for being subtle.

"Well...I'm going wherever Maggy does." Marx shrugs, despite not having any shoulders, and bounces along after Magolor on his beach ball.

They'll hear you coming from a mile away now. You facepalm as Magolor and Marx run off ahead, and you slowly trail behind them, trying to keep some element of surprise, at least.

Judging by the burnt metal (however that's possible), leftover smoke, and empty fire extinguishers littered in the hallway, you can guess that the fire's finally been put out.

Magolor and Marx continue down the hallway, rushing right past an open room. You had still been following them, but stop when you hear Meta Knight from inside the room. Leaving those two to probably go mess up more stuff on the ship, you focus on the task that Dedede had given you: spying.

"Right," Meta Knight was saying. "So we have 5 ships. I will take Kirby and Sailor Dee, Vul will take Dedede, and you four will take each other, the usual arrangements...I'll let Bandana Dee choose who he wants to go with..."

As he spoke, you had cautiously and slowly peeked around the doorway to get a visual. It seems to be another miscellaneous room with no clear purpose. Its most notable objects are a coffee table, a couch, and an old CRT box TV on the floor that definitely weighs more than all five of them combined.

Meta Knight had paused in his explanation, the green eyes indicating that he's busy thinking. Three out of four of his knights are in front of him, a little ways back; Axe, of course, is sidled up right next to him. If Meta Knight's bothered by that, he isn't showing it.

"That leaves us with an extra ship," Meta Knight eventually says. "Whereas only four of us can fly them, that ship will have to be left behind."

"Ooh! I can be the fifth pilot!" Everyone jolts in surprise (except Meta Knight, of course) as Magolor suddenly pops out of an air vent on the floor.

He turns to glare at the Halcandran. "Absolutely not."

"Well, what are we going to do with him and the other two?" Mace Knight asks, gesturing towards the Magolorian in the air vent. "We can't leave them here unattended—"

Two? Who are the other two? You and...? Marx? Galacta Knight? Either he's forgetting to account for someone, or he's just bad at counting.

"Of course not. Don't worry, they'll be removed—" Meta Knight starts to say.

"From life?" Axe cuts in a little too eagerly.

There's a good seven seconds of silence before Meta Knight finally answers. "...Let's not get into that right now."

"Hrmph." He clearly doesn't like that answer.

"We're just gonna come back here anyway," Magolor points out. "You might as well let us take the extra ship now, unless you want us to come back later and destroy this place out of spite."

An irritated sigh is Meta Knight's response. "If you didn't have plot armor, I would let my knights rip you apart."

"Oh, please. I bet they couldn't even open a jar of pickles," Magolor teases.

...He's not wrong, you think.

"Fine! Whatever! Take the ship!" Meta Knight snaps at him. "We have more important things to be doing than worrying about you!"

"Like standing around, pretending you're doing something," Magolor huffs.

Again, he isn't wrong.

"Just go!" Meta Knight snaps.

As Magolor slowly descends back down into the air vent, he sighs and turns back around, rubbing his head. Would now be a good time to leave, and relay the plan to Dedede? He hadn't really told you how long to spy on Meta Knight for.

"I think we should rig the ship," Axe Knight begins, once again sidling up to Meta Knight, even though he clearly is in a mood. "Plant a bomb in it, maybe. Oh! Or I can mess with the altitude reader, so that they'll crash—"

"We have more important things to be focusing on right now, Axe Knight," Meta Knight cuts him off, walking to the other side of the room. His knight stares after him defeatedly. "But—!"

"We need to plan for what we'll do when we get back to Dreamland. I'm not sure if the guns on the ships will be enough to handle all the zombies."

...Oh, right, there was apparently a zombie problem in Dreamland.

Sheesh, how did things ever escalate to this?

Meta Knight sighs again, probably from the stress of having to deal with all of this. "First of all, what time is it?"

Axe Knight glances up at a clock that's hanging on the wall. He stares at it for three full seconds before replying. "Um...I don't know. Someone replaced all the numbers with 'morbin''."

"What?" Meta Knight asks incredulously, turning back around.

"Ooh! Does that mean it's morbin' time?" Magolor asks excitedly, popping out of the air vent on the floor again.

"No! You don't get to morb!" Trident Knight shouts at him, pointing his weapon at the Halcandran in a rather threatening way.

"Aw...okay," Magolor answers, his ears dropping dejectedly as he slowly sinks down into the mysteries of the air vents again.

...

"...Question," Axe Knight slowly begins, his hands folded together in front of him. "When was the last time any of us saw Kirby?"

The five of them fall into silence, looking at each other. Judging by the gradual sense of panic that rose among them, they'd likely lost track of the pink puffball of doom.

"I will track him down," Meta Knight decides, turning abruptly and heading for the doorway. "I want the four of you to get everyone else ready for evacuation." As he comes out of the doorway, he stumbles straight into you with an "umph!".

He draws back and stares at you, seeming surprised for merely a moment before he quickly draws his sword and points it at you. "Attack!"

Nothing happens. Meta Knight blinks, continuing to stare at you before he turns to look into the room pointedly. "I said attack!"

"Oh! Sorry," you hear Mace say. After that, three of the four knights run out and try to tackle you. You step to the side as they come at you, leaving them to slip, tumble and fall into a pile behind you. For people under Meta Knight's training, they're laughably terrible at fighting.

Given that only three of his knights followed his command, Meta Knight quickly turns to glare into the room again. "Axe Knight! Why are you just standing there?"

"I don't have any weapons!" He exclaims.

"What—how?! I gave you at least seven axes before you left!" Meta Knight argues in a baffled tone.

"And I threw them all and lost them!"

Meta Knight groans to himself and buries his face in his hands. Meanwhile, the other dorks are still trying to get themselves untangled.

"Well, anyway," you say, beginning to turn towards another corridor. "I've gotta blast." You're about to run when Meta Knight suddenly hops in front of you, his sword drawn and cape blowing dramatically despite the lack of wind inside the ship.

"You are not going anywhere!" He hisses, clearly enraged based on that and the red eyes. "I'll be ensuring that you die right here!"

You were about to just punt him, but Meta Knight is faster. He slashes at your shin.

"Ow!" That really hurt! Enough so to where you can't put any pressure on your injured leg right now. For the first time, you begin to feel worried in his presence. He's clearly intending to follow through on his threat, and now that you can't punt him, how can you defend yourself?

Meta Knight has his sword drawn back, appearing to be charging up some sort of attack. A tornado? A really big slash? Lightning? You're not quite sure, but his golden sword is glowing brighter by the second.

Despite how quick the knight is, his motions seem to move in slow motion. He raises his shoulder, pulling Galaxia, you think it's called, back as it glows with energy. Doesn't his sword have a soul or something inside it? He's probably dating it. Weirdo.

You catch a spark of lightning coming from the tip of it. Oh boy.

As he gets ready to slash, you notice a shadow looming over him. This can't be good.

But wait, it is! The shadow belongs to the one and only, the one of your dreams, your king in shining armor...

"I thought I made it pretty clear..." King Dedede begins in a dangerously low tone as he reaches down, grabbing Meta Knight by the cape and snatching him up off of the ground. The knight gives a surprised "buh!" as he's lifted up, his sword falling from his grasp and clanging against the metal floor.

The king turns him around and holds him up in front of his face, glaring into his eyes. "I don't want you and your dorks doin' anything to mah assistant!"

Meta Knight begins to squirm, but Dedede's firm grip on his cape prevents him from slipping away.

"Unhand me at once, Dedede," he hisses quietly, most likely more angry about the fact he was being picked up like this in front of his knights. Surely this had to have lowered his "cool" status by a significant amount.

"Not until ya' apologize to y/n," Dedede snorts.

"Like hell I will!" He retorts.

"Alright, ya' get to be the blueberry piñata then." Dedede smirks as he turns the borb back around and holds him up higher. "Go on, y/n! Take your best hit!"

"Let go of me!" Meta Knight snaps, glaring behind him at the king. As he's doing that, you hobble over and punch him in the side. For some reason his armor only covers his face and shoulders (you're not sure if his shoes are armor as well, or if they're just some fancy designer thing), leaving pretty much the rest of his body open for hits. Kind of dumb on his part to not protect his sides or back, or even his head, but you're not complaining.

Whack!

Meta Knight glares into your soul. "How dare you."

You smile before smacking him again. You were really about to get into it, but unfortunately his dorks have to ruin it.

At least they're focused on Dedede instead of you, seeing as they're shouting at him and climbing all over him.

"Let him go!" Axe demands, hanging off of the arm that Dedede's holding Meta Knight with.

"You have no right to touch him!" Dedede winces as he gets a spiky ball in the arm from Mace.

"Stop! You're being immature!" Javelin exclaims, almost sounding a bit whiny.

"I'll personally ensure you have a shallow grave," Trident promises lowly, having climbed up Dedede's back with his weapon drawn.

Meta Knight makes no attempt to call any of them off. With Dedede beginning to look uncomfortable, you know you have to step in and save him! And you know just how to do it.

The first one you grab is Axe Knight, naturally. You grab him by the horns, pulling him back above your head and then launching him at the nearest window. He crashes through it, which leaves him floating in space again.

Javelin is pretty easy to throw too. You don't throw him as hard, but he still goes out through the window.

Trident's a bit harder to pick up, being heavier than the knights you've already thrown, but you manage to pull him off Dedede and chuck him after the other two.

As for Mace, well...he's even heavier, so you wind up just awkwardly dragging him off to the side and leave him by the window.

Unfortunately, Dedede had dropped Meta Knight during the commotion, so no more Meta Knight piñata for you right now.

"Heh, thanks, y/n!" Dedede smiles. You smile back. Dedede is finally beginning to feel something positive towards you! You probably shouldn't be getting your hopes up since he most likely still isn't in love with you, but you do anyway, because this reader insert adores him ever so.

Meta Knight shakes his head, most likely getting his bearings. He looks out at the broken window, and his eyes widen in horror. "My babies!"

You can't help but laugh as Meta Knight jumps out the window to go rescue his "babies". Did he seriously just call them that?!

With the window broken now, you realize you can hear the beatboxing from earlier, along with someone going "Y'all gonna make me act like a FOOL!".

You stare out the window. "Holy crap, is that...?"

A purple pickup truck suddenly crashes through the window, taking out part of the wall with it. On the front of it are Meta Knight and his babies, who obviously just got hit by the vehicle. Meta and Axe are clearly shocked, judging by the wide eyes (with Meta Knight's being white), but since the other two don't have any clearly visible eyes, you can only assume that they're spooked too.

Dedede's eyes widen in shock, and his jaw practically hits the floor as he stares at the truck that looks a lot like a certain purple villain.

The driver continues to beatbox ominously. "Y'all gonna make me huh-a-pah-puh-a-tss huhbit-tt-put-a-put-tuh-tuh-pttt-tt-pttt-put-teh-tuh-aye. Pmm, suh-ah-say-ee, pmm pmm, tha-uh-nos-tha-uh, pmm, tha-ee, pmm, nos, pmm, suh—"

"Okay I think we get the point," you deadpan. Dedede's still standing there with his mouth wide open. How Dededramatic.

The driver rolls down the window and sticks his head out. "By the way, destiny still arrives, beewww."

"So why are you here, Thanos?" You ask flatly, far past the point of being phased by random people showing up on your journey.

"I am looking for Shrek," Thanos says. "A powerful being has kidnapped him from me, and my friends and I are on a journey to rescue him."

"Since when were we friends?" A voice from inside the truck asks.

"I ain't your friend!" Another pipes up.

"I thought we were...'business partners'," a third adds thoughtfully.

"What a coincidence. We were looking for Shrek earlier too," you remark thoughtfully. Maybe if you were still looking for him, you could have teamed up with Thanos and his business partners. Oh well, Magolor already rescued Dedede, so you don't need to be looking for Shrek anymore.

"Anyway, one of my buddies just opened up some dimensional portal thing and found a Shrek there. Apparently there's multiple Shreks?" You shrug as you remember what Galacta Knight had to say about that subject. "So you could try playing around with portals or something."

Thanos rubs his chin thoughtfully. "I see."

He reaches inside his truck, shifting it into reverse. "Thank you for the information. We will continue our search."

"Good luck," you wish him. Thanos begins to drive the truck backwards until it's out of the ship, and you watch as the Thanos Car takes off into space. Wait, Thanos Car isn't supposed to fly, is it?

"Man, why does Shrek seem to be at the center o' everything?" Dedede asks as he stares off at the retreating Thanos Car. He looks over at Meta Knight, probably assuming he has an answer.

But Meta Knight says nothing. Him and the other three are still on the floor, probably winded from being hit by a pickup truck. Meta Knight rubs his head, looking weary. After a few moments, he turns around to look through the large hole that's been left in the wall. "I take it he doesn't have insurance, either," he grumbles, aggravated. Poor Meta Knight was going to be left in debt from all these ship repairs.

Axe is the first of them to stand up, though it's very shakily. "Well," he says eventually. "I think I'm the only man alive that can say I've been hit by the DaBaby car and Thanos car in the same day and lived."

"Oh word, I'll change that for you." You pull out your kitchen gun and point it at him. Though Meta Knight intercepts you before you can get anywhere near the trigger.

"You stay away from him!" He snaps, slapping the kitchen gun from your hands as he angrily flaps his wings a bunch of times. Apparently all the knight abuse you've been dealing out has finally struck a nerve with him. "Stay away from ALL of them!" He demands, glaring fiercely up at you.

You sidestep him and go over to poke the closest knight just to rile him up. "Touch."

"DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH THEM!" Meta Knight flies at you, swinging his sword at you a bit erratically (when did he even pick it up?).

You lift an arm to protect your face, and luckily Dedede plucks him from the air before he can scrape up your arm too badly.

The king stands there for a moment, looking like he's not really sure what to do with the pissed off warrior that's hanging limply in his grasp.

Neither are you, really.

"NOOOOO!" A squeaky voice cries suddenly. You turn around to see Magolor floating down the hallway, looking out into space dismayfully. "I wanted to get Thanos's autograph!" He wails.

As Magolor reaches the rest of you, he falls to the ground and begins to dramatically bang a fist against it. "OH, it's JUST NOT FAIR!"

Everyone besides you just stares down at him disdainfully, as if to ask "really, dude?".

"Poyo poyo, poyo poyo!" Kirby calls, running down the hallway. You notice a couple of the knights flinch, probably due to how fast Kirby's moving. The blue hat with the white rim atop of his head probably doesn't help alleviate any of their fears, either.

The young puffball screeches to a halt after arriving, kicking up a small cloud of dust behind him. After managing to stop successfully, Kirby reaches behind him and pulls out something small and glowing. "Poyo poyo!" He says happily, looking at Magolor.

Meta Knight's left eye twitches as he focuses his gaze on the pink apprentice of doom. "Don't you dare summon that inside of my ship, Kirby!"

"Poy-phhhbbbbbttt!" Kirby retorts, sticking his tongue out at Meta Knight. How rude of him to behave that way towards his mentor, really — especially in front of everyone.

As Meta Knight just stands there looking taken aback by the sheer disrespect, Kirby tosses the glowing thing down. It floats about an inch above the ground as it begins to quickly grow. In no time at all, it's grown to the full size of his Warpstar.

"Poyo poy, poyolor!" Kirby calls to Magolor, waving him over and pointing at his Warpstar.

...Is Kirby going to help Magolor get Thanos's autograph or something? That's what it seems like.

"Kirby," Meta Knight says warningly, leaning down to press a hand against the front of the Warpstar. "Don't you dar—Kirby!" He snaps when Kirby hops on top of the Warpstar. "You get off right this instant!"

"Poyooo." Kirby rolls his eyes and fakes a yawn.

"I am your mentor, Kirby, and you will listen to me!" Meta Knight hisses as he pulls out his sword and holds it over his head like he's about to whack Kirby with it. "Do you know what would have happened to me if I had shown my mentor an ounce of the disrespect you are giving me right now?"

"Poy-poy, poyo," Kirby says in a "whatever, don't care" tone.

Meta Knight's practically trembling with fury at this point. You happen to glance over and notice the nervous looks his knights are giving each other, suggesting that even they're afraid of the inevitable wrath of Meta Knight that would likely be coming.

You just wish you had popcorn.

Meta Knight continues to glare furiously at Kirby as he lowers his sword, giving him one last chance to listen to him. Kirby does not.

As Meta Knight's pulling his sword back and getting ready to swing at Kirby, the puffball shouts out a "poyo!" and floors it on his Warpstar.

Meta Knight lets out a sputtered noise of shock as Kirby runs him over. Kirby clearly doesn't care, seeing as he's leaning forward and staring straight at Magolor, who's waiting by the giant hole Thanos and Co. so kindly left in the ship.

"What—you fu—" Trident Knight stutters in outrage. "He fuc—!"

"There are children here," Magolor points out coolly, shooting the knight a look.

"...And? Am I supposed to care?" Trident grunts. "What have children ever done for me?"

Fair point.

"Someone grab that brat!" Axe barks out, sounding at least 3 times more outraged than his counterpart. Surely it had nothing to do with watching Kirby — someone he seemed to despise — disrespect and run over his precious Meta Knight.

He angrily rummages around in a pouch on his side (it serves as a pocket, you suppose) as the other knights all try to grab the Warpstar and knock Kirby off. It's likely he's trying to find some sort of weapon he can use, but all he manages to produce is two dollars and a screwdriver.

Apparently that's good enough for him, seeing as he quickly runs after the other three and tries to stab Kirby with the screwdriver. Well then, points for improv.

Unsurprisingly, despite their best efforts, Kirby just barrels through all four of them with his Warpstar.

You really wish you had popcorn. Huffing, you cross your arms. Well, at least you still have King Dedede...Dedede?

Your eyes widen in shock after you turn and realize he's no longer standing next to you. You look around frantically until you see him standing next to Magolor and talking to him.

You gasp when you see that Kirby's headed straight towards the two of them on his Warpstar. "My king!" You shout, trying to warn him.

"Ey?" Dedede turns around, confused. "Yeah, what's up, y/nAAAA—" He screams as Kirby plows right into him. Magolor squeaks out an "eep!" as he gets hit too. Unlike with Meta Knight, however, Kirby doesn't run them over — instead, he managed to glide between the two of them, bumping into them and making the reflexively grab onto his star.

With King Dedede and Magolor hanging onto his Warpstar, Kirby steers over towards the hole that's his ticket out of this place. He was only planning on taking Magolor, but it doesn't seem like he cares that Dedede's coming along for the ride as well.

You can't abandon your king! Running after them and shouting (and tripping over Javelin Knight along the way, since he's so small and you completely missed him), you manage to grab onto the back of the Warpstar just in time.

If Kirby notices the new guest, he doesn't give any indication of it. Instead, he's poyoing happily to Magolor as he points out into the space, probably trying to explain whatever his plan is.

Dedede manages to recover from the shock just as the Warpstar is leaving the ship. "Bye, losers!" He snickers, waving at the crew that's staring after the Warpstar. "We're dededeserting you and your dork crew, Meta! Oureevah!"

"I believe it's 'au revoi', Your Majesty," you point out respectfully. King Dedede turns around to stare at you for a moment, looking shocked, but then he bursts into laughter. "Now you're really like Escargoon!"

"You are making a grand mistake, Dedede," Meta Knight warns, looking quite ruffled from the unwilling experience he'd just endured. He keeps rubbing his head, and his gaze seems to be a bit less sharp and focused than usual. "And you, Kirby," he adds more firmly, though his tone goes back to normal afterwards. Maybe he's just still mad at Kirby. "The only ones who will be deserted here are you four."

"I could go for some dessert," Mace remarks.

"Shut up, Mace Knight!" Axe Knight snaps, stomping angrily on the ground. "It's your fault they got away!" Apparently someone started to shift the blame to others when they were upset.

"Okay, Screwdriver Knight," Trident retorted snidely.

"Did I ask you?!" Axe glares over at him, pulling at his horns the same way one would pull at their hair when frustrated.

"Let them leave," Meta Knight said calmly, though there was a slight edge to his tone as he turned away and began to walk off into the ship. "We will go back to Dreamland and fix this ourselves. If they want to make foolish decisions, that is on them."

So he's willing to let his apprentice fly off into space with a traitor, a king that wants to clobber him, and the Escargoon-killer that works for NME and Haltmann? Really? Surely that can't be right, especially when you remember how furious he was with you for kidnapping Kirby yesterday.

Even Kirby seems to be confused by this. "Poyo..?" He calls, slowing the Warpstar down as he looks back at Meta Knight.

But he has his back to him, and doesn't turn around once. "Come, the four of you. We have much work to be doing." Sheathing his sword as he walks away, his knights quickly follow after him. Soon you are all left in silence.

"Poyo..." Kirby stares sadly after Meta Knight.

"...Well, what did ya' expect, Kirbeh?" King Dedede deadpans. "You really made him angry back there — which was hilarious to watch, by the way!" He quickly adds with a snicker.

It would seem the king's praise went right over his head. Staring after his mentor for another few moments, he finally relented and turned away. He pushed the Warpstar forward in silence, not even giving so much as an iconic "poyo".

Magolor, it seems, is oblivious to Kirby's current mood. "This is so exciting! I get to ride on your Warpstar, Kirby, AND get to meet Thanos thanks to you!"

"Poyo," Kirby replies absently.

"I even got a free show, too!" He adds, probably referring to the whole scene of Meta Knight getting run over and then his knights getting barreled through like bowling pins.

"Poy, poyo," he agrees with a small shrug.

"It ain't like I agreed to this," Dedede points out, "but boy, am I glad to be off that ship! It's so big, and dark, and..." He pauses to shudder. "Kind of scary," he admits very quietly. "Not to mention how uptight and strict Meta is. There were some points where I was even afraid to breathe too loudly in case he snapped at me or sicced those guys on me!"

"I can agree," Magolor nods. "And he's like that all the time, isn't he? I couldn't imagine having to live in the same building with him! Whew!"

"It ain't very fun, but he pays rent." Dedede shrugs. "Although..." He begins to add, turning around to glare suspiciously at the airship in the distance. "I am wonderin' how he managed to snag one of my Waddle Dees..."