The Gingerbread Man From Hell
Status: Completed
Rating: T (one eff word + slightly dark)
Posted: 06/21/2020
Finished: 06/21/2020
Word count: 945
Characters: you, evil gingerbread man, Santa Claus
Prologue The Actual Story
a/n i wrote this when i was in like 7th grade lmao
Prologue
He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake. Why? Because he ate Santa Claus, that's why. After many people have tried to eat him, he's back with a vengeance. He has had many bites taken out of him, but he has learned to not feel pain. He uses pain to give him strength. Plus he's a masochist anyway so yah.
Behind his high-pitched, menacing laugh he cries in pain every night. He ate his bed in the midst of depression. So he sleeps on the floor, huddled against the wall. Every day he begs for the sweet release of death. But it never comes. And so, to cope with the constant pain of life, he drags people down to hell (aka his tackily-furnished basement) and eats their souls. Because that's a good coping method. (kal said so)
The actual story
For this particular story, you, the reader, happen to be taking a walk in the park. It's 2:00AM - wait, why are you in the park at 2 in the morning? Because fuck you that's why.
As you round the corner and near the eerie swing set, you hear a stick crunch behind you. Whirling around, you find nothing. So you shrug it off and go sit on the swing set like the insecure child you are. Since you have nothing better to do, you take out your 7-year-old Android phone and play Minecraft on it.
Suddenly, in the distance, you start to hear edgy music. As the sound grows closer, you jump up from the swing set, trying desperately to find the source of the sound.
"Cut my life into pieces..."
You blink in the darkness, and see a pair of glowing red eyes in the distance.
"This is my LAST RESORT!"
Suddenly, a stick hits you in the back of the head. The world goes black as you try to focus on those terrifying red eyes. But eventually, they fade away into darkness. Just like your hopes and dreams lmao.
You wake up in a dark basement. The aroma of well-layered onions fills the room. But there is no Shrek. You don't deserve Shrek.
Taking your phone out of your pocket, you discover that it's dead. Of course - Motorola phones never last that long anyway, and always die when you need them the most.
You see a shadow looming over your head, and turn around to see a very tiny gingerbread man. The name "XxPainWarriorxX" is engraved on his forehead, along with a finger and a thumb in the shape of an L because it's FUNNY. You scoff, standing up. "What? You did this?"
His eyes light up with a red malice. Growling, he steps forward, and you take an uncertain step backwards. "One, nothing wrong with me..." he whispers, and you feel a chill run up your spine. The gingerbread man takes another step forward, taking out a suspiciously red-tipped dagger. "Two, nothing wrong with me..."
You're against the wall now, fearing for your life. You pray to Shrek to burst through the wall and save you, but deep inside, you know that the godly ogre cannot reach you here.
"Three, nothing wrong me...AAAAAAHHHHH!" XxPainWarriorxX lunges forward and stabs you in the ankle. You collapse to the floor, sobbing and begging for your life. XxPainWarriorxX latches onto your ankle and starts biting you. "LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR! LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR! LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOOOOOOOR!"
As he screamed the last part, the basement suddenly lit up with fire. Well, tackily strung christmas lights that had firey colors. He smiled, showing pointy candy teeth. "Welcome to hell!" He chirped in a high-pitched voice.
"GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF!" You sob, trying to shake the hellspawn free. Suddenly, the wall begins to rumble, and you both turn to look at it. From the flames bursts Santa on a moped, with a McDonald's cheeseburger in one hand, a rifle in the other. "MURICA!" He screamed, skidding to a halt in front of you.
XxPainWarriorxX looked dumbfounded, staring with mouth agape. "SANTA?!" He yelled in a high-pitched rage. "I ATE YOU!"
"Uhyup. And I clawed my way outta hell." Santa took a bite of his cheeseburger. "You tried so hard and got so far, but in the end, it doesn't even matter." Stepping on the gas, Santa began rolling forward slowly on the moped.
"NOOOOOO!" XxPainWarriorxX cried, trying to outrun the moped. But due to his short legs, he could not, and was run over. As you watched until he was nothing more than a pile of crumbs, Santa turned to look at what he'd done. Then, bringing his gaze up to meet yours, he mumbled, "Boi you better watch yourself, or you'll wind up on the naughty list." His eyes narrowed threateningly, and he took another bite out of his cheeseburger as he put the moped in reverse, his narrowed eyes not leaving yours as he slowly backed out of the basement. Then you blinked and he was gone. Huh. That was weird.
Pushing yourself up, you wipe some basement stuff off your shirt and look through the gaping hole in the wall. Casually leaving the tacky fire basement behind, you decide to go home and play Hello Kitty's Roller Rescue on the Nintendo Gamecube for 73 hours straight. And indeed, those 73 hours were well spent. never ask me for anything EVER again hfhfhf